11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Falling in Love, Staying in Love - fact or fiction?, 15 Sep 2004
By A Customer
This review is from: Falling in Love, Staying in Love: How to Build a Strong Lasting Relationship (Paperback)
Having seen Malcolm Stern on 'Made For Each', I was impressed by the fact that he showed real insight into relationships and offered more than just glib platitudes to couples whose relationships can only be described as dire. The last 'Self-Hell' relationship book I read was 'Men are from Mars and I wish that book hadn't made it to Earth'. I was relieved to find out that at least one expert doesn't consider all men to be club wielding, cave dwelling, emotionally unintelligent creatures. The observations the author makes on all aspects of behaviour and communication that contribute to an unproductive relationship (applies to work life as well) were astute enough to make me wince. Between me and my friends, I'm pretty sure we're guilty of every single destructive habit highlighted. I really do wish I'd read this book a good ten years ago, but better late than never.
One thing the book doesn't offer is a quick fix or panacea for relationships. This isn't the Atkins of happy ever after and it doesn't encourage you to put relationships to rights over cappuccinos or cocktails (damn!). It makes it abundantly clear that real connection needs work and lots of it. There aren't pages of self affirmation statements but there are exercises that are meant to be undertaken with a partner or friend. The exercises are meant to pave the way to self awareness, forgiveness and eventually release from the emotional shackles that impede healthy relationships. Personally, I'm not sure how realistic this is - it might certainly explain why so many of this book's predecessors have failed to meet our expectations, but equally it might be difficult to achieve this without the help of a therapist (oh my, how American).
The chapter on conflict is truly excellent and there's a section on appreciation, something I know I will be far more conscious of both at home and at work. The case studies illustrating the issues at hand are presented from a therapeutic setting and some are deeply poignant. Overall the book provides real food for thought rather than fodder for the self help shelf.
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