The sample chapter seemed fine. Not exactly great literature, but that's not what you want from something like this. You want a comforting, competently written story about characters who are at least vaguely entertaining. You know that the girl will be sweet, a bit disorganised and very normal-looking and that her work will surround her with size-zero gorgeous bitches. There will be an unfaithful ex. The love interest will be one of three things: someone who's been her friend for decades that she's 'never looked at like that'; someone she meets who seems unattainable because they instantly dislike each other; or someone she meets who has a secret that stops him acting on his instant liking for her. The obstacle to true love will be essentially a misunderstanding about motivation; the guy will wait till the last moment before changing his mind and coming back for her.
That's really all you want when you buy a book like this. Anything extra is a bonus. But the minimum we should expect is competent writing. The first few chapters of this were fine, but by 25% of the way in it became evident that no editor had looked at this text. It veers wildly between tenses, as if it was written in the present tense initially and then the author decided to change to the past - but only using a find & replace tool. Literally, one sentence will say 'she said this' and the next will say 'I say in reply' and the next will say 'she answered me'. It's really annoying.
The text also degenerates rapidly in terms of characterisation - by the time the heroine is in bed with the handsome new guy, their motivations and actions are changing as rapidly as the tenses of their verbs. It might be meant to convey confusion or mixed emotions. If so, it doesn't work. It reads like two or three different versions of the book have been merged with each other like packs of cards.
We don't ask much from this genre of novel, but how dare you ask for money for something that clearly needs to be rewritten so comprehensively, not just for style or characterisation but for basic English?