This is a guide to understanding the origins of codependence and the path to recovery, tracing the illness back to childhood describing emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical and sexual abuse. Because of these earlier experiences, codependent adults often lack the skills necessary to lead mature lives and have satisfying relationships. Recovery from codependence is achieved by reparenting oneself. Central to the author's concept is the idea of the "precious child" that needs healing within each adult. She creates a framework for identifying codependent behaviour and outlines an effective therapy for recovery.
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"Mellody is a true pioneer...she offers tried and effective ways to treat codependency. This is a splendid offering."--John Bradshaw, national director of Codependency TreatmentLife Plus Institute, author of Healing the Shame That Binds You and Bradshaw On: The Family.
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An increasing number of people have recognized themselves in the symptoms described in the following pages. Read the first page
Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
An increasing number of people have recognized themselves in the symptoms described in the following pages. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
46 of 47 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
I approached the reading of this book with a little skepticism but having read it, now wholeheartedly recommend it to others. What this book does that I havent seen done before, is to explain WHY we feel like we do, and HOW our childhood has so profoundly influenced us. In addition it provides excellent advice for parents in avoiding the pitfalls of causing our own children to act and think disfunctionally. The advice on how to get "better" is a little shallow and I didn't like the many additional references to Pia Mellody's other offerings.
Apart from this, a really excellent book.
Apart from this, a really excellent book.
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful
By Mark Stipanovsky
TOP 1000 REVIEWER
Format:Paperback
Some things are just rubbish...
Some substances initially help to mask or cover unhelpful relationships and then we stop taking them we expect everything to get better...
Co-dependence is known by many different names by many different theorists. Transactional Analysts talk of symbiosis, psycho-analysts talk in defence mechanisms and the field of addiction and recovery speak of Co-dependence...
Pia mentions five symptoms that seem to be organised into the pattern or process that we are all familiar with.
1. Experiencing appropriate levels of self esteem
2. Setting functional boundaries
3. Owning and expressing their own reality
4. Taking care of their adult needs and wants
5. Experiencing and expressing their reality moderately
And the majority of this book covers in depth these 5 symptoms. Whether this is a disease or not is neither here nor there.
We have all been touched by addiction and unhealthy relationships. Our reality is constantly warped by TV and films until we have got to the stage where most things are fake...
Learning how to relate in a healthy way with yourself and with others is one of the learning outcomes of reading books such as this one.
Understanding shame, guilt, abuse etc is probably more "normal" than not experiencing it and that we can live with these feelings and that we can get better is helpful. Very helpful...
Whether you believe in addiction as a disease or favour the 12 step model isn't really my concern. My concern is can you read this book and get better. Can you learn something from this book that will help you today and in the future.
And my take on that is yes...... Read more ›
Some substances initially help to mask or cover unhelpful relationships and then we stop taking them we expect everything to get better...
Co-dependence is known by many different names by many different theorists. Transactional Analysts talk of symbiosis, psycho-analysts talk in defence mechanisms and the field of addiction and recovery speak of Co-dependence...
Pia mentions five symptoms that seem to be organised into the pattern or process that we are all familiar with.
1. Experiencing appropriate levels of self esteem
2. Setting functional boundaries
3. Owning and expressing their own reality
4. Taking care of their adult needs and wants
5. Experiencing and expressing their reality moderately
And the majority of this book covers in depth these 5 symptoms. Whether this is a disease or not is neither here nor there.
We have all been touched by addiction and unhealthy relationships. Our reality is constantly warped by TV and films until we have got to the stage where most things are fake...
Learning how to relate in a healthy way with yourself and with others is one of the learning outcomes of reading books such as this one.
Understanding shame, guilt, abuse etc is probably more "normal" than not experiencing it and that we can live with these feelings and that we can get better is helpful. Very helpful...
Whether you believe in addiction as a disease or favour the 12 step model isn't really my concern. My concern is can you read this book and get better. Can you learn something from this book that will help you today and in the future.
And my take on that is yes...... Read more ›
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
This book could not have been written by anyone other than a person that has suffered from codependent adult behaviour traits and patterns unless they had experienced themselves. Pia Melody has put together a marvelllously insightful book. I have looked at Sociology, Psychology, Philosophy and Religion in order to understand Why am I like I am? This book gives me the answer to that question and offers me hope that in recognising it I can overcome the detrimental effects of codependent behaviour and move forward aware and able to change in order to have healthier relationships with both myself and others.
9 of 10 people found the following review helpful
By R. Kohli
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
I've personally recommended this book to numerous people. Essentially, if you have some kind of problem now e.g. addiction, anxiety, anger, depression, resentment: then you can link it back to you some kind of dysfunction at childhood. Once you see the cause and effect and work through that then those problems will disappear. I've just started working through the book and have done a few of the courses and it's made me understand why I do the things I do. Pop pyschology this is not.
I cannot recommend this book enough, but you will probably not be able to fully understand yourself without some basic 1 on 1 or group therapy.
I cannot recommend this book enough, but you will probably not be able to fully understand yourself without some basic 1 on 1 or group therapy.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
By R. Cuttill
Format:Paperback
I found this book quite revealing. It showed me things from my childhood in a way I hadn't seen before. The notion of "wall of words" fits my mother perfectly, whereas "wall of silence" is me. There's analysis of how a child should be bought up and the things that can go wrong. I realised a lot about what was missing from my childhood. I recommend this book for anyone who wants to understand where they came from and how it's affecting them now.
By Leonora
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
This book contains some very helpful advice for those of us who unfortunately suffer from this condition. Sometimes would like if it goes deeper into it.
14 of 19 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
It helped me undersatand the origins of my dysfunction and it wasn't my alcoholic spouse!
5 of 7 people found the following review helpful
By MissMouse
Format:Paperback
I purchased this book as I was interested in finding out more about "co-dependance" and understand that the particular treatment centre in which the author is based is on the cutting edge of such treatments. I had read varied and fragmented interpretations & critiques so far of this ambiguous "co-dependence", nothing comprehensive.
Unfortunately this book seems to have confused me further..... co-dependance is apparently originally about the families of alcoholics and how they become or are dependant on the alcoholic remaining so, so the families have their own sickness: co-dependance. This has now broadened to include people in other situations (unclear which) but the basis of this book's interpretation is that there are five core symptoms, but they are too general and overlap with many other situations and issues to be truly definitive. Then there are five types of "abuse" which are said to be at the roots of co-dependance. Quite frankly this term "abuse" is overly-used and is traditional practise in other cultures, such as spiritual beliefs and touching, such as kissing on greeting, etc. Personal boundaries also differ widely from culture to culture. The definitions in the book are therefore very narrow and culture-specific.
So I would say this book is for people who feel specifically "abused" and "dysfunctional" by the above factors, but I cannot see how those factors are themselves definitive of a "disease" as they are too broad and lack contextual and cultural awareness.
Unfortunately this book seems to have confused me further..... co-dependance is apparently originally about the families of alcoholics and how they become or are dependant on the alcoholic remaining so, so the families have their own sickness: co-dependance. This has now broadened to include people in other situations (unclear which) but the basis of this book's interpretation is that there are five core symptoms, but they are too general and overlap with many other situations and issues to be truly definitive. Then there are five types of "abuse" which are said to be at the roots of co-dependance. Quite frankly this term "abuse" is overly-used and is traditional practise in other cultures, such as spiritual beliefs and touching, such as kissing on greeting, etc. Personal boundaries also differ widely from culture to culture. The definitions in the book are therefore very narrow and culture-specific.
So I would say this book is for people who feel specifically "abused" and "dysfunctional" by the above factors, but I cannot see how those factors are themselves definitive of a "disease" as they are too broad and lack contextual and cultural awareness.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars
deep into your soul
Very good book to understand yourself and your story better, and understand what you need today or at least identify your patterns
Published 22 months ago by Izzy 16
5.0 out of 5 stars
Facing Codependence
This book is totally amazing, explaining every facet of codependence and how it affects our lives.
I identified with something on every single page and it has given me a great... Read more
I identified with something on every single page and it has given me a great... Read more
Published on 11 July 2010 by Sam
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