The Expendables [DVD]

 

 

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I had such high hopes for this film. As a lifelong fan of all those classic, big-budget action films from the 80s and early 90s - Commando, Rambo, Die Hard - I couldn't wait to see all those guys back on screen, TOGETHER. And while I didn't find the result as hopeless as a lot of people seem to, I was definitely left with a feeling of... I dunno, uncertainty.

There were just too many little problems that brought the whole thing down. Most annoying of these was the script. MY GOD. Action film dialogue should be the easiest thing in the world to write. Man gets shot: one-liner. Building explodes: one-liner. But the lines in this film were just awful. Not even so bad that they were funny (like Arnie's epic "Stick around!" in Predator). How hard can it be to write a decent quip? And given how cheesy one-liners are one of the base ingredients in an action film, could they not have put at least some effort into it? I mean, really... "Who sent you?" "Your mother!" Shut up.

Another major issue I had (sadly a very common one these days) was with the use of CGI blood effects everywhere. I HATE CGI BLOOD. It looks awful. I wouldn't mind it, except the old-fashioned way, with traditional blood squibs, looked so much better by comparison! CGI's only used because it's quicker, easier and (presumably) cheaper... But that's exactly how it looks when you see it on screen - cheap, lazy and nasty. Now I get that you can't actually blow a hallway full of men to pieces with practical effects, so in that respect, fair enough. But it was everywhere in this film. And when you use it constantly for things that could've been done a lot better with real fake blood, it just smacks of corner-cutting. (And don't even get me started on films that use CGI just so it can be removed later for a lower rating. Eugh.)

At the end of the day though, the film did have some big plus points. It's cast list was great, featuring virtually every action hero from back in the days when action films didn't go direct to DVD (and suck). Some of the new guys are also welcome additions - special mention goes to Terry Crews, who was the only one of the "new breed" I really enjoyed seeing on screen. I'm also a fan of Jason Statham, mainly from the first two Transporter films and the wonderful Lock Stock and Snatch. He has the same kind of charisma as Schwarzenegger back in the day. Granted, nobody here was doing anything even close to acting (with the possible exception of Mickey Rourke), but they delivered what you wanted. Muscles and firepower.

The massive closing shootout was also pretty awesome (even if some of the camera work was a little erratic), with Jet Li and Jason Statham in particular pulling off some amazing finishing moves. And of course, there was Terry Crew's shotgun. That thing deserves a mention all of it's own.

I just can't work out if the pros were enough to make up for the cons. Hence, uncertainty, and only 3 stars out of 5.

"The Expendables" is a merry cheerful genocide between old friends à la sauce testosterone, a very violent and in the same time surprisingly tender, nostalgic, full of humour and less than half serious movie - and I loved every minute of it!

The story is in principle about a group of mercenaries, many of them a little bit aged, who are hired by the CIA to eliminate the military dictator ruling a little island in the Caribbean - but the plot is really really NOT important, and so it will not be discussed further.

The team of mercenaries is small but lethal (of course!). Its leader Barney Ross is (of course!) played by Stallone himself, who also wrote the scenario and directed the film. Ross is the oldest member of the team; he is also a man of few words, without much personal life, very calm and slightly sad. His great pride is to be the fastest man to draw and shoot the gun - "Only light is faster"...

The second in command, Lee Christmas, is played by Jason Statham, who gives an IMPRESSIVE performance!! Christmas is much younger than his commander (and best friend), much more extraverted and with a gorgeous, although unfaithful girlfriend played by Charisma Carpenter. He is an excellent marksman and an accomplished martial arts expert, but his personal specialty is knife fight and especially knife throwing. In homage to the "Magnificent seven" old western classic, Ross and Christmas have at every possible occasion a friendly speed competition between knife and revolver...

The third most important member of the team is Gunner Jensen, a gigantic sociopathic and borderline insane sniper played with great brio by Dolph Lundgren - who gives in this movie his (in my modest opinion) best screen performance ever. Considering the fact that Lundgren almost killed (accidentally) Stallone when they turned "Rocky IV" (Sly spend eight days in ICU), their reunion is a particularly touching cinema moment.

Number four is Ying Yang, played by Jet Li. Much shorter and smaller than his pals, Yang is also a good shooter but (obviously) he is the most dangerous in close combat - although his character clearly also is no more in his prime and will realise it during this mission...

The other members of the team, Toll Road (ex-wrestler Randy Couture) and Hale Caesar (ex-footballer Terry Crews) have less screen time, but they also have their stories to tell and they add some flavour to the whole thing.

Other than the names of some of the mercenaries, the big gag which I appreciated the most is that they all have deep and concerning issues: Ross has the aging problem, Christmas has a girlfriend problem, Jensen has an addiction problem, Yang has money troubles, Road has depression issues (and the whole cinema went amok with laughter when he confessed why) and Caesar has a fixation on absolutely enormous guns, which is most of the times a sign of..., well, you know what kind of problem...)))

Stallone's team is assisted by a former soldier and mercenary known only as Tool (played by Mickey Rourke), who now is retired and earns his living officially by making tattoos to bikers and exotic dancers - but in fact he is a go-between arranging "jobs" for the mercenaries. Mickey Rourke gives in this movie a great performance and it is a pure pleasure watching him on the screen.

This testosterone laced ensemble will have to face not only the usual hordes of evil gun fodder but also three particularly nasty bad guys: a fiendish former CIA agent turned free lance criminal (Eric Roberts) and his two vile and brutish henchmen: Paine (played by ex-wrestler "Stone Cold" Steve Austin) and Brit (played by kickboxer and martial arts expert Gary Daniels). The two apocalyptic close quarter fights between Ross and Paine and between Christmas, Yang and Brit towards the end of the movie are a particularly great treat. Martial arts shown in those duels are nothing like karate from Bruce Lee or Chuck Norris movies - they look rather like battlefield fighting styles (Israeli krav maga or Soviet sambo), very violent and brutal and designed to kill rather than to display one's ability.

As almost everybody probably already knows there is one scene in the movie when Stallone meets Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis. This short scene takes place in a church - and I am almost certain that this is homage to the scene from Sergio Leone's most famous western, when the three heroes meet in a cemetery... Although short, the church scene is a simply incredible moment of cinema! In my modest opinion even if somebody got a Nobel Prize, found the cure for cancer or climbed Mount Everest wearing only strings, still his/her life is not complete without watching the church scene from "Expendables"...)))

The cast is clearly impressive, but what makes this movie so enjoyable is the tone Stallone adopted for the whole movie. No matter how much we try, it is simply impossible to take this film seriously. The violence is certainly omnipresent and very graphic, but it is also so exaggerated that it finally starts to have an almost comic effect. Stallone also took care to soften the violence of fights by giving the "bad guys" face paintings which make them look more like plastic figures than real human beings - which gave as final result more the impression of a video game for teenagers than a real fight.

Another great thing is that this movie has many surprisingly touching and even tender moments. Stallone did a good choice by giving his character a soft touch: as he gets old he clearly regrets less his youth than the fact that he does not have any family, other than the handful of desperados he hangs with. He also clearly has some bad things on the conscience and as his life enters its last stage, he longs for some redemption. This is why Ross decides to commit himself so heavily in this "job" - not only to earn his wage, but also to save an innocent person... who reminds him of a daughter he never had... And finally the relation between the whole team (and Tool) reminds one of an extended family or tribe reunion - with Rourke and Stallone playing the role of aging tribal ancestors, watching with tender care (and also some concern) their young and not so young braves.

I enjoyed this movie greatly and I really hope that there will be a sequel - if possible with Chuck Norris making at least one cameo! Another great idea somebody launched on internet is an "oestrogen" version of "Expendables" - a remake with an exclusively feminine cast, with Sigourney Weaver, Lucy Lawless and Michelle Yeoh taking Stallone, Lundgren and Jet Li roles... )))

The title of this review (which was inspired by a not so good Mel Gibson's movie) reflects quite well my feelings, when I left the cinema. This movie - and especially the ending - made me feel some nostalgia, gave me a lot of fun, but it also made me feel good. I will certainly buy the DVD as soon as it is available and I will watch it again from time to time to remind me of the old good action movies from the 80s, a time when I was an action movie fan... and young!

Brilliant film which takes you back to the good old action movie days without too much CGI and real men doing real stunts.

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5.0 out of 5 stars the expendables
very good delivery and the film was enjoyed by all the family young and old.good watch for all good to see the oldies in action.

Published 16 days ago by lollipop

1.0 out of 5 stars In the top three worst films I've ever seen
After watching 'The Expendables' I decided to check out its viewer rating on Amazon. I then wanted to add my own one star review in an attempt to bring down its overall rating to... Read more

Published 1 month ago by VivaPapa

5.0 out of 5 stars review
The dvd was packed in a box with a gift for someone else. I didn't know this and as I was looking at the other gift my son saw the dvd so it ruined the surprise for him. Read more

Published 1 month ago by chrismc

5.0 out of 5 stars Fun Packed Adventure
Sylvester Stallone. My hero, just when we all thought you were dead and buried, only able to revamp your old classics like Rocky and Rambo you come up with this modern masterpiece... Read more

Published 1 month ago by Scotty Apps

2.0 out of 5 stars thanks for the memories
Stallone mumbles, Statham grunts, Jet Li does not very much, Lundgren still cant act and the best that can be said about Coture? Read more

Published 2 months ago by An avid reader

1.0 out of 5 stars Pointless throwback to the 80s
In one sense, this is a perfect homage to the action movies of the 1980s. Unfortunately, that raises two problems. Read more

Published 2 months ago by J. Fernandez

1.0 out of 5 stars Disappointing!
I expect a lot of folk were caught out like me, and expected Stallone, Rourke, Willis, et al to blast their way across the screen as not quite over the hill mercenaries, but no... Read more

Published 2 months ago by woodwytch

5.0 out of 5 stars 2nd Time Best
It really is better watching this movie for the second time, after you've stopped pointing out all the stars and wondering who will beat who. Read more

Published 3 months ago by Chris Morse

4.0 out of 5 stars Best of 2010
So Sly summoned his buddies and we got The Expendables, although the movie was 20 years later than the time it should have come out, it was still a blast to watch. Read more

Published 3 months ago by kurt's fan

5.0 out of 5 stars the expenables
the expendables was very good, borrowed a copy enjoyed it so much bought my own copy right away good action movie fast moving very enjoyable

Published 3 months ago by P. R. Burgess

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