Evenings at Five (Ballantine Reader's Circle) [Paperback]

The title of the book Evenings at Five refers to that time of day when Christina, an author and Rudy a composer would meet for drinks. Cocktails for this twosome are a ritual each evening at five, they even have special names for the knives they use to cut the lemons and limes. This special hour at their home includes lively conversations about how that spent their days on their individual projects, their plans for trips and their futures together. They never anticipated Rudy's premature death and now Christina spends her evenings at five thinking about her time spent with Rudy and her future alone.

While this book is poignant and very sad at times, the reader finishes the last pages content that Christina as well as Gail Godwin has had a fulfilling relationship and an amazing love. And because of this she will be able to move on, perhaps a bit sadder,but complete in the knowledge of what they have had. And as the author intended it is a fitting book to be written by an excellent author about the man she dearly loved who did die two years ago.

I do recommend this book to those who love,to those who have loved and those who hope to love. As the saying goes,"'Tis better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all." Evening at Five certainly proves this adage to be true.

It is amazing how so few words can so richly convey Christina's aching feelings. The simplicity of the book lies in the scarcity of words and the simple and stark pen drawings of the very articles that serve as constant reminders and reinforce the piercing emptiness and grief. A favorite tumbler; a metronome that is an integral tool to Rudy's composing skills; a richly-grained wooden chair with a beautiful, tapestried pillow; an answering machine with Rudy's voice that Christina cannot bring herself to erase.

The chair keeps cropping up because Rudy, as his disease progressed, required sitting in an upright position and was probably all the more visible because of his forced confinement. Drawings, too, of the living room and descriptions of how they sat in proximity to one another, emphasize their closeness. They were woven together as a couple, as best friends, as collaborators in the co-creation of their home and individual work spaces...she an author...he a composer.

Christina chronicles her pain without being mawkish. No matter where she turns, the memories are present and what makes the agony still worse is that on the night of Rudy's death, she had unsuspectingly left to return home and was reading as Rudy was dying. Sadly, she recalls that she will never be able to read that author again. No matter how many moments were spent together, from their grand passion when they first met, to the quieter times, the intimacy that grew over the years, there was never enough because it's now all gone...forever! It cannot be re-created.

Religion is of some comfort to Christina, as are some friends, one of whom zeroes in on her drinking but it is in the seeking and in the finding of her own way that Christina can continue. And there are no easy answers, no and "she lived happily ever after". The final passage contains comforting words from Rudy, one of many things Christina recalls that he said. Memories are blissful, funny, poignant and pierce like a weapon!

This is undoubtedly one of the most intimate books I have read on grief and loss. There are many on how to deal with grief; how to become financially capable; how to resume dating; how to tell children about the death of their parent but this one is truly unique in its ability to deal with the simple, pure aching that occurs when a loved one with whom one has shared so much is removed from one's life. It is like major surgery with no anesthesia during the surgery or painkillers to dull the agony following the procedure!