Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
A must read for people curious about the sexual freedom., 3 Mar 1999
By A Customer
For years I have tried to explain many of the topices covered in this book to new couples testing the waters of the swinging lifestyle. Now I have a book that I can recommend that covers most of the areas extremely well. An additional benefit of this book is that is is written by two women in the lifestyle. Many other books written on the subject are written by men and are looked at by women readers as just another man trying to convince women to be more sexually promiscuios. The only area that I wish the authors would have spent more time on is the subject of nurturing your primary partner and relationship while introducing them to the new way of living. All in all, this is the very best book I've found concerning open relationships and swinging. I would recommend it to anyone.
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15 of 17 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
Easy read but ethically flawed, 14 April 2007
This book defines "sluts" and those who chose freely and without regret or nagging concience to have sex with many people whether in a relationship or not. A "slut" feels that it is not reprehensible to do this and that it is a normal part of human behaviour. It takes the view that you are going to want sex, sex is good and you should go get it in whatever quantities you want, with whoever you want, whether you are in a relationship or not. The authors believe this is normal and that it is your right. This may be so, but if you don't believe that having sex with other people while in a relationship is absolutely and thoroughly OK, there is nothing in this book that will change your mind.
If you are the "slut", your partner's feelings about your behaviour are to be considered as more your partner's problem than your own. It is suggested that you might / should help your partner through their angst but should not be deflected from your course of "sluttery" if that is the path you have chosen. The book does go some way to offering guidance on how partners (or yourself if roles are reversed and you have a "slut" for a partner) may feel when put in this horrible position but jealousy is seen as a dysfunctional emotion and something that simply has to be gotten over. The jealous partner is seen as the one with the problem, not the sex-seeking "slut". The book suggests that if you have a partner who embraces the "slut" lifestyle you might prepare for their nights of infidelity and your ensuing depression and hurt by making yourself comfortable at home and doing things like renting a couple of movies or getting a nice meal delivered to your home and maybe pampering yourself a little. If this seems like a well conceived plan to you, and you believe that a warm, scented bath with flower petals floating on it will ease your pain while your beloved is out there in someone else's bed, you will love this book. If not, it will just seem ridiculous.
Having read the book I think it would serve as a reasonable roadmap for two likeminded individuals who intend to be in an open relationship and need some guidance from those who have been there before and seen some of the difficulties up close. If you accept that this lifestyle will at times cause you and your partner pain but you believe that the benefits from living the "slut" lifestyle make the pain worthwhile and justifiable, then you will draw wisdom from these pages. Some of the comments on feelings of jealousy are indeed insightful and should not be dismissed. But if in your relationship one of you wants freedom while the other wants monogamy, this book in the hands of the freedom-seeker will likely bring the end of your relationship that much nearer. It may well empower the freedom-seeker on a tide of sanctimonious "sluttery" while the partner seeking monogamy may be left clutching the painful remains of the relationship as the "slut" heads out the door for another rendezvous with another casual partner but this time, with a clear conscience.
I was rather reminded of the book given to Dorian Gray by Lord Henry in "The Picture Of Dorian Gray" which acted as the catalyst for so much or Dorian's uninhibited and debase behavior, and which ultimately led to his miserable demise. Be careful into who's hands you put this book. I'd say it has the potential to severely damage insecure relationships already troubled by issues of monogamy, though the authors would probably see this as simply bringing self-fulfillment to one of the partners and bringing about the end an already dysfunctional relationship situation.
An interesting but scary or liberating read depending upon your point of view.
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9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Makin' it real!, 12 May 1999
By A Customer
I don't detect an anti-male bias at all in this book and find it fairly realistic. There are some things that won't suit everyone, but it presents the wide range of possibilities. Sticky issues like coming out, family, kids, etc. are addressed, which is refreshing. It's a whole life we're talking about here, not just Saturday night. I think mono/exclusive couples could learn a lot about handling jealousy, communication skills, and conflict resolution from this book, those chapters were excellent. The etiquette and respect the authors advocate need to be taken to heart because there are a lot of rude people out there! Rudeness is a definite unschwinggg. Anyway, this book is not about playing out fairy tale or porn flick roles, but being real with real people, with communication and respect and radical yet gentle honesty. Wish I had it when I was 18!
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by Dossie Easton
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