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Those who are in the unenviable position of living or working with a narcissist have learned by sad trial and error that they are the only one in the relationship who can change the dynamic. Certainly narcissists don’t think they need to change. Enough About You, Let’s Talk About Me is a hands–on resource for helping colleagues, families, and spouses deal with people who exhibit narcissistic tendencies by learning how to change their own attitudes and responses.
From the Inside Flap
Do you have to live or work with someone so highly self–absorbed that your wishes and needs are completely ignored or dismissed? Do you feel constantly criticized and never able to do anything right? Have you been exploited or manipulated many times? If so, you are probably dealing with a narcissist, a personality type that is toxic, frustrating, and seemingly oblivious to pleas for change or consideration.
Those who are in the unenviable position of living or working with a narcissist have learned by sad trial and error that they are the only one in the relationship who can change the dynamic. Certainly narcissists don′t think they need to change. Enough About You, Let′s Talk About Me is a hands–on resource for helping colleagues, families, and spouses deal with people who exhibit narcissistic tendencies by learning how to change their own attitudes and responses.
Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter offers practical tips and effective strategies for managing responses to manipulative behavior and includes proven approaches to handling narcissists, their demands, their anger, and their lack of boundaries. This book provides a wise, compassionate guide to understanding and dealing with people who are so focused on themselves, so controlling, and so ego–driven that they make your life miserable. Real–life stories clearly show how ordinary people learned to face the daunting challenges of responding to the narcissists in their lives in an emotionally balanced manner. You will learn to
- Recognize the patterns of narcissistic behavior and deal with them
- Examine your own anger and resentment
- Remove fear from the equation
- Foster your own inner security
- Replace bitterness with forgiveness
Enough About You, Let′s Talk About Me will help you break free of the destructive influence of narcissistic people and learn to understand, confront, and handle this toxic behavior′s many troubling manifestations. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
42 of 42 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
I think we all know a few narcissists and sometimes have a narcissistic moment ourselves but this book does not try to cure the incurable it simply helps you identify them and then deal with them. Carter is essentially a practical man; his professional experience is that few narcissists consult therapists and some that do only do so in order to validate their view. Instead their victims see themselves as needing therapy! Carter has details of the various tribes of narcissists and armed with this you'll soon be out spotting them from your hide. Dealing with them is never going to be easy but Carter spells it out simply and logically. I found his views both convincing and useful in practice.
36 of 36 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
I've read one other book on the topic of Narcissism, Alexander Lowen's Narcissism: Denial of the True Self which dealt with Narcissism in a broad sense, as a trait anyone could possess, a trait fostered by cultural messages and also one which Narcissists themselves could be expected to eventually self-identify and wish to assail.
This is perhaps the greatest distinction between Carter and Lowen's perspective in that Carter doesnt believe Narcissists seek to change or engage with therapy in order to change and has instead produced a book aimed at helping those who have regular dealings with the most intractably narcissistic individuals.
Other key differences include that Carter incorporates into his narrative content of a really spiritual bent, for instance discussing the existence of an underlying or inborn nature in the context of "original sin" or "sin nature", and there is not the same emphasis upon disowned physical sensation or estrangement from feeling as in Lowen (the reason being that Lowen is a therapist influenced by Reich whereas Carter isnt).
Carter's account is clear, concise and readable, pace and style of writing are accessible and interesting and it is likely to be just as accessible to a general readership as professionals or students. Breaks and spacing are used to great effect as are headings and sub-headings used to provide structure, there are no meandering tangents. However there is a slight draw back in how Carter uses case studies and examples from his practice, these are introduced, reintroduced and rereferred to in a way which sometimes feels like a change of pace and made me feel like skipping ahead to where the narration would pick up again afterwards.
There's some great use of bullet points to provide concise breakdowns of what will be discussed and these are then used as subheadings to the material comprising the rest of the chapeter. For instance, Carter's breakdown of the common Narcisstic Traits into: An inability to empathise; that is, an inability to experience another person's feelings and perceptions from that person's point of view; Manipulative or exploitative behaviour; A sense of entitlement; An inability to receive direction; An insatiable need for control; A haughty or judgemental spirit; An unwillingness to acknowledge reality; An ability to create favourable public impressions.
While there is some content about an original or "sin nature" asserting itself Carter's explanation of the origins of Narcissism considers it as emerging as a consequence of parenting style, lack of appropriate parent-child bonding and consequent emotional illiteracy. Even at this point of discussing what makes a Narcissist and why does someone become a Narcissist there are pages discussing how best to respond and the final part of the book deals with developing the skills set to deal with Narcissists.
The book overall is a great read, different from Lowen's and with a narrower focus upon the behaviour of those intractably self-absorbed individuals, I would recommend it to anyone interested in the topic in general and anyone who needs the skills for dealing with Narcisstic individuals in particular.
I liked the entire book the chapter on passive-aggressive narcissists was particularly enlightening, indicating how through indirect means individuals of this sort could assert as much control and cause as much harm as more obvious controllers.
This is perhaps the greatest distinction between Carter and Lowen's perspective in that Carter doesnt believe Narcissists seek to change or engage with therapy in order to change and has instead produced a book aimed at helping those who have regular dealings with the most intractably narcissistic individuals.
Other key differences include that Carter incorporates into his narrative content of a really spiritual bent, for instance discussing the existence of an underlying or inborn nature in the context of "original sin" or "sin nature", and there is not the same emphasis upon disowned physical sensation or estrangement from feeling as in Lowen (the reason being that Lowen is a therapist influenced by Reich whereas Carter isnt).
Carter's account is clear, concise and readable, pace and style of writing are accessible and interesting and it is likely to be just as accessible to a general readership as professionals or students. Breaks and spacing are used to great effect as are headings and sub-headings used to provide structure, there are no meandering tangents. However there is a slight draw back in how Carter uses case studies and examples from his practice, these are introduced, reintroduced and rereferred to in a way which sometimes feels like a change of pace and made me feel like skipping ahead to where the narration would pick up again afterwards.
There's some great use of bullet points to provide concise breakdowns of what will be discussed and these are then used as subheadings to the material comprising the rest of the chapeter. For instance, Carter's breakdown of the common Narcisstic Traits into: An inability to empathise; that is, an inability to experience another person's feelings and perceptions from that person's point of view; Manipulative or exploitative behaviour; A sense of entitlement; An inability to receive direction; An insatiable need for control; A haughty or judgemental spirit; An unwillingness to acknowledge reality; An ability to create favourable public impressions.
While there is some content about an original or "sin nature" asserting itself Carter's explanation of the origins of Narcissism considers it as emerging as a consequence of parenting style, lack of appropriate parent-child bonding and consequent emotional illiteracy. Even at this point of discussing what makes a Narcissist and why does someone become a Narcissist there are pages discussing how best to respond and the final part of the book deals with developing the skills set to deal with Narcissists.
The book overall is a great read, different from Lowen's and with a narrower focus upon the behaviour of those intractably self-absorbed individuals, I would recommend it to anyone interested in the topic in general and anyone who needs the skills for dealing with Narcisstic individuals in particular.
I liked the entire book the chapter on passive-aggressive narcissists was particularly enlightening, indicating how through indirect means individuals of this sort could assert as much control and cause as much harm as more obvious controllers.
12 of 13 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
Bought this book after reading a sample on my Kindle, which started well. It became irritating with it's constant references to religion. I had to stop reading when the author began declaring that narcissism comes about through not growing healthily away from "original sin" that we are all born with (apparently). Religous aspect spoils a potentially good book.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
Thorough and succinct, very good read
This book provides a great overview of the topic which is very informative. The methods on dealing with the issue in hand are clear and concise. Read more
Published 3 days ago by Sas
A tonic for the soul!
This was a very helpful book, yes although at times is had a religious perspective, I felt it did not detract from the quality of the content and ideas which the author... Read more
Published 7 months ago by Baker A
Narcissism explained
An excellent book - difficult to put down! I feel at least there are others like my beloved!!! It's SO good to have some guidance on the matter; such a relief to have some ideas to... Read more
Published 13 months ago by Jessica Wabbit
Too religious
All the references to God made me wonder if any of the book used knowledge gained form psychological studies. Read more
Published 18 months ago by Mrs.Pickle
Too many religious references
I bought this book as it looked like a good guide to dealing with Narcissists in my life (after having counselling it was apparent that there were a few, both at home and work). Read more
Published 19 months ago by Lisa
Narcissists!
Wish I had read this book years ago. It would have saved me from a number of disastrous relationships and eventual divorce.
Published 22 months ago by J. M. Batten
Easy reading
I fell upon this book and decided to read it based on the other reviews. I thought I lived with a narcissist, now I know I do. Read more
Published 23 months ago by Ms. J. Valentine
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