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Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry [Paperback]

Albert J. Bernstein
3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (27 customer reviews)

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Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry, Revised and Expanded 2nd Edition Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry, Revised and Expanded 2nd Edition 3.8 out of 5 stars (35)
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Book Description

1 April 2002
"If I'd had a copy of this book when I started therapy, I might have saved myself a lot of time and money. Bernstein provides a field guide to the various types of Emotional Vampires and advises readers how to protect themselves from being victims of these predatory personalities." - Diane White, "The Boston Globe". Emotional Vampires: They're out there ...masquerading as ordinary people. They may lurk in your office, your family, your circle of friends; perhaps they even share your bed. Chances are, you know all too many of them. Bright, talented, and charismatic, they win your trust, your confidence, and your affection - then drain you of your emotional energy. But take heart as you walk through the darkness, it doesn't have to be that way - the more you know about vampires, the less power they have over you.Here, Dr. Albert J. Bernstein, vampire-slayer and author of the best-selling "Dinosaur Brains and Neanderthals at Work", reveals the secrets that will protect you once and for all. Detailing a whole range of personality types and human responses, Bernstein shows you how to spot the "vampires" in your life: self-serving Narcissists, hedonistic Antisocials, exhausting Paranoids, or over-the-top Histrionic drama queens. And, with valuable advice, psychological perspective, and much-needed humor, he gives you a range of defense strategies that are guaranteed to keep the blood-sucking creatures of darkness from draining you dry. By the end of "Emotional Vampires", you'll be armed with superior knowledge, a treasure chest of vampire-slaying tools, and all the confidence you need to take on the most draining people in your life and win without shedding the first drop of blood.


Product details

  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: McGraw-Hill Professional; New edition edition (1 April 2002)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0071381678
  • ISBN-13: 978-0071381673
  • Product Dimensions: 23.4 x 14.9 x 1.8 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (27 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 224,571 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • See Complete Table of Contents

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Product Description

Review

Clinical psychologist and business consultant Albert Bernstein's Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry is a humorous yet serious look at our interactions with people who seem to sap our energy. Through anecdotes, Bernstein makes the various categories of vampires distinctive and recognizable (Anti-Social, Histrionic, Narcissistic, Obssessive-Compulsive and Paranoid) and offers practical guidance for how readers can deal with them effectively (Understanding Emotional Vampires' immaturity is your ultimate weapon). --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From the Back Cover

"If I'd had a copy of this book when I started therapy, I might have saved myself a lot of time and money. Bernstein provides a field guide to the various types of Emotional Vampires and advises readers how to protect themselves from being victims of these predatory personalities."­­Diane White, The Boston Globe

Emotional Vampires: They're out there . . . masquerading as ordinary people. They may lurk in your office, your family, your circle of friends; perhaps they even share your bed. Chances are, you know all too many of them. Bright, talented, and charismatic, they win your trust, your confidence, and your affection­­then drain you of your emotional energy. But take heart as you walk through the darkness, it doesn't have to be that way­­the more you know about vampires, the less power they have over you.

Here Dr. Albert J. Bernstein, vampire-slayer and author of the best-selling Dinosaur Brains and Neanderthals at Work, reveals the secrets that will protect you once and for all. Detailing a whole range of personality types and human responses, Bernstein shows you how to spot the "vampires" in your life: self-serving Narcissists, hedonistic Antisocials, exhausting Paranoids, or over-the-top Histrionic drama queens. And, with valuable advice, psychological perspective, and much-needed humor, he gives you a range of defense strategies that are guaranteed to keep the blood-sucking creatures of darkness from draining you dry.

By the end of Emotional Vampires, you'll be armed with superior knowledge, a treasure chest of vampire-slaying tools, and all the confidence you need to take on the most draining people in your life and win without shedding the first drop of blood.


Inside This Book (Learn More)
First Sentence
Vampires stalk you, even as we speak. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
48 of 50 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book explains what is happening to you! 3 July 2008
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
Having decided that my partner had some sort of personality problem and was "draining me dry" emotionally, I got the book on the basis of other Amazon reviews on it. WOW! WOW! There he was! The "lovable rogue" (even the cartoon picture of the personality type was HIM (incredible!)).Now I understood why he never asked me about my day, my life, my interests. That he was so self-centered he thought he was entitled to expect everything I did for him without so much as an acknowledgement, let alone a thank you. The book explained why this "antisocial personality" (psychology speak) has an unfortunate name as they love parties, but just use them to have more people to prey on, to satisfy their every whim. They are really basically loners, and have difficulties with long term relationships, as there is no two-way interaction or empathy. This book made it so clear to me,better than other books on the subject, which concentrate on why they became as they are and to see things from their perspective etc. This one tells you how to RECOGNIZE and HANDLE the problems, and believe me it helps you cope. In my case I had to end the relationship, and I am sure this book made the whole process far less painful (for me, as he would not feel a thing) and it has also kindled a desire to read much more about personality types. All the emotional vampires are in the book, and it is the only book I have read on the subject which makes it clear that they can be a mix of more than one type and that we ALL show some tendencies towards one or another pattern. A refreshing perspective with quizzes to test out personality traits. THIS BOOK WILL HELP YOU SEE THE LIGHT IF YOU ARE EMOTIONALLY DRAINED AND YOU CANT FATHOM WHY! Buy it now!
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19 of 20 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars better on second read 3 July 2009
By minty
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
firstly, i don't think the book really explained "the vampire" element properly - how it actually feels when people drain you dry. He describes several fairly predictable types - narcissistic, bully, etc perhaps too many categories. also, for me, the different mechanisms were not adequately explained.

that said, perhaps if you are dealing with something very specific e.g. a "bully" at work, the way it is explained might make it easier for some people to read and act upon.

sometimes it was pretty glib, and sometimes written in a cold, sketchy, check-list way.

however, could be worth reading in parts. The "narcissist" section i have just revisited and it is better than i first thought. there is a particularly insightful sentence at the end - the thing to be careful with when dealing with narcissists - it is the most catching of all conditions - you could end up one too. this (i believe) happened to a friend of mine married to a narcissit.

he also describes how to "live with" the different conditions in other people, so for example narcissist people are often creative people you might want to be around - but protect yourself! so that is quite an interesting take on a black-and-white view.

he doesn't give any insight how these character-disordered people came into being - e.g. spoilt as children, bullied as children. he wants it seems to focus more on a practical way to deal with people.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic book 10 Oct 2011
Format:Paperback
This is a great book! Very amusingly written too in my opinion. It covers:

1. Antisocial (rebels, basically), including:
Party girls/boys
Con men
Bullies
2. Histrionic (always ill, the look-at-me types), including:
Attention seekers
Gift-bearers
Hypochondriacs
3. Narcissists (convinced they're better than everyone else), including:
Workaholics
Lazy people (refusing to do naff jobs)
Show offs
4. Obsessive compulsives (their way is the only way), including angry perfectionists (the bad boss types)
5. Paranoid (crazy idea spillers, conspiracy theorists, etc), including the deluded, madcap inventors, etc

Easily my favourite psychology-type book - accessible and funny. Really helped me to understand some people I have had the misfortune to meet! And to understand some of my own traits!

One of the few genuine 5 star books I have - useful throughout, no filler.
I don't understand some of the low reviews! This book is a gem if you have to deal with wannabes, naysayers, teacher-types, bullies, liars, cheats, hypochondriacs, insulters, guilt-trippers and all-round idiots.
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28 of 31 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars good read - and great to go back to 12 Jan 2009
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
I came to this book and others like it due to 3 circumstances in my life
Firstly - my ex-brother in law could have had half this book just written especially for him, a genuine case study if ever there was one.

Secondly - I used to work in an office which had a colleague blessed with the most incredible arrogance. What confused me was the histrionics that came with it.
I left and am now working in an office with 2 doubtful characters, another one with mind blowing arrogance, and another one who enjoys his office politics.

Thirdly - I had some suspicions about a potential partner prior to getting engaged. There was always a story about why something had happened to explain the large chunks left out of her life. This with comments of "that's something for another day" made me wonder as to what on earth the girl had been up to.... Within days of the engagement, there was a definite shift in her behaviour patterns, and I just couldn't put my finger on what it was. I thought "if this is what its like after a few weeks, what's it going to be like after a few years?" So that was the end of that.
I was so annoyed at myself that I didn't trust my own warning signs so early in the relationship; I decided to get reading to see what it was that I had done wrong. This spelt it out clearly in many chapters.

As a man - the chapter on histrionics should be read by every man on the planet, a definite eye opener. Unfortunately the rest of the book describes far more men I have come into contact with than women!

Who should read the book? Well anyone who feels that someone you love/know/work with is operating on a different (read immoral) agenda than yourself.

What positives did I get out of it?
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
3.0 out of 5 stars Emotional vampires
Interesting and easy to read with ;ots of examples -but at times a bit annoying in the style of writing
Published 11 months ago by Helen
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent
Excellent!
life suddenly makes so much more sense. A must for everyone on reaching adulthood, especially if getting married... Read more
Published 14 months ago by A Edwards
5.0 out of 5 stars This is a resource book of examples of types of friends etc.
Helping us to recognise and deal with unhealthy patterns of behaviour, and how they affect us. A feed resource/ work book
Published 15 months ago by Mrs. A. Wason
4.0 out of 5 stars A useful survival guide to human zoology
One of the worse curses of human beings is that it is very difficult for them to understand that the diversity of human emotions and the levels of their depth and intensity... Read more
Published 17 months ago by Antonios F. Arkas
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing
The item arrived within the specified time and in good condition. This book is brilliant. I did not realise how many different types of people there were that could drain you... Read more
Published 18 months ago by Alison
4.0 out of 5 stars deals cheerfully with heavy issues - good
Some reviewers are concerned that Bernstein isn't sympathetic enough towards how difficult people may have become that way, and don't like his cheerful, bouncy tone either. Read more
Published 19 months ago by alan12345
5.0 out of 5 stars emotional vampires
I found this book compulsive reading. I could identify so many people in my life within the pages. If everyone read this book it would open their eyes and help them to identify... Read more
Published 22 months ago by jan
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent!
I have been researching Narcissism for some time now and have read other books on the subject but this one covers all.
Should be re named putting up with !*! Read more
Published 23 months ago by jeffrey
3.0 out of 5 stars Disappointing
I had high hopes for this book. I thought it was written by a serious, intelligent, psychologist. Maybe he is....but I can't take him seriously, from the picture on the sleeve. Read more
Published on 21 July 2012 by kirstaii
1.0 out of 5 stars Stay away from vampires - stay away from this book!
I got this book from the library as it covers a topic, (I hoped), that I am interested in and often read about. Boy was I glad I never bought this trivial pile of rubbish! Read more
Published on 11 Dec 2011 by Peter
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