Psychologist Bryn Collins opens up the discussion about life with emotionally unavailable partners. She begins by unequivocally stating that you are not the problem. Collins uses solution-focused skills to help you identify, cope with, and change these painful associations and teaches you how to recognize and avoid emotionally unavailable partners in the future. This book also offers the emotionally unavailable partner techniques that allow him or her to learn to connect. Using case studies, quizzes, and jargon-free, easy-to-understand concepts, Collins discusses the most common types of emotionally unavailable partners: Romeos and Romiettes, who come on strong and then disappear; Indiana Joneses, high-intensity partners who always keep their heads - and their hearts; Tens and Other Trophies, who rely on their good looks to enchant without any real connection; Mama's Boys and Daddy's Girls, who never learned to feel their feelings and expect you to pick up where Mama and Daddy left off; 'Holics, who are more interested in the relationship with their addiction than with you; Emotional Einsteins, for whom love is an intellectual exercise, ... and many more.
Emotional Unavailability
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Product Description
About the Author
Bryn C. Collins, M.A., L.P., is licensed psychologist specializing in relationships, post-traumatic stress disorder, families in crisis, and adult survivors of abuse. She has a Ph.D in philosophy.
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First Sentence
I don't think I know anyone who has escaped having a relationship with someone emotionally unavailable at some point in their life. Read the first page
Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
I don't think I know anyone who has escaped having a relationship with someone emotionally unavailable at some point in their life. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
65 of 65 people found the following review helpful
By Sarah Duncan
Format:Paperback
I'm pretty sceptical about American self help books, but the reader reviews looked good so on impulse I bought. I am so pleased I did. As I expected I recognised my ex, but unexpectedly also recognised myself which has made me look again at my current relationship. Even better, I tried using her 'emotional language' on my teenage children with great results - peace and goodwill reign at home. The book is non-judgemental and recognises that all human behaviour is on a sliding scale with no one being perfect. There are lots of techniques to help people communicate better; some are a bit cringe-making, but at least she recognises that. Overall, an interesting and easy - but not simplistic - read that I've already found really useful, which is why it gets 5 stars.
58 of 58 people found the following review helpful
By Nick D.
Format:Paperback
Fundamentally, this is an interesting and useful book, because it provides a very descriptive overview of the personality types that are emotionally unavailable. My problem with it, however, is that there are better books on this subject available.
When we encounter relationship issues that seem as inexplicable as they are frustrating, we need help in understanding the true nature of the problem. Often, we also need to see that a partner's dysfunctional behaviour may have nothing to do with us. So this book does a good job of explaining what you're up against. In that sense, it will make many people feel a lot better and stop them blaming themselves for something that isn't their fault.
While many, if not all, of the personality types listed exist in some form or another, the reality is that you cannot categorize everyone who exhibits certain character flaws into a set range of groups. It is too simplistic. In the final analysis, this classification only helps you understand the problems rather than providing effective strategies for dealing with them.
What you may really need is help on is evaluating the seriousness of the flaws we are exposed to. What often motivates people us to read books such as this is the need to determine whether a relationship can be salvaged or whether, for our own sake, we need to cut and run. The danger of the generalised profiles in this book is that they can lead us to form an exaggerated perception of flaws we encounter, or, conversely, to normalise behaviour that is totally unacceptable. So, don't rely on it alone.
When we are the victims of unreasonable behaviour, we need to evaluate whether the perpetrator has one of three things:
1.... Read more ›
When we encounter relationship issues that seem as inexplicable as they are frustrating, we need help in understanding the true nature of the problem. Often, we also need to see that a partner's dysfunctional behaviour may have nothing to do with us. So this book does a good job of explaining what you're up against. In that sense, it will make many people feel a lot better and stop them blaming themselves for something that isn't their fault.
While many, if not all, of the personality types listed exist in some form or another, the reality is that you cannot categorize everyone who exhibits certain character flaws into a set range of groups. It is too simplistic. In the final analysis, this classification only helps you understand the problems rather than providing effective strategies for dealing with them.
What you may really need is help on is evaluating the seriousness of the flaws we are exposed to. What often motivates people us to read books such as this is the need to determine whether a relationship can be salvaged or whether, for our own sake, we need to cut and run. The danger of the generalised profiles in this book is that they can lead us to form an exaggerated perception of flaws we encounter, or, conversely, to normalise behaviour that is totally unacceptable. So, don't rely on it alone.
When we are the victims of unreasonable behaviour, we need to evaluate whether the perpetrator has one of three things:
1.... Read more ›
77 of 78 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
Read 'em all - Women Who Love Too Much, Men Who Hate Women & the Women Who Love Them, Love Addictions, etc. - but Bryn Collins' book is the end-all, be-all for identifying, avoiding, and healing from emotionally devastating "relationships." Without distracting psychobabble, Collins nails emotional unavailability, in all its forms, precisely on the head. Book contains clear examples, explanations, instructions - and practical (and do-able) solutions, with Bombeck-like wit and insights. Emotional Unavailability is the advice your mother and all your friends would have given you, if only they'd been blessed with Bryn Collins' ability to spark understanding and activate your light bulb. Best book EVER for emotionally-starved lovers past and present, this book should be required reading for entering into an intimate relationship.
66 of 67 people found the following review helpful
By MINIMABS
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
If you seem to be doing all the work in your relationship for very little return then this book has your name on it! It made me realise that I was literally banging my head against a brick wall and in the process feeling that the reason I was so frustrated and angry was because I was such a "bad" person! At last a book that says I am not going mad and there is hope for the future. Brilliant book, clearly written with a good checklist for spotting potential future emotionally unavailable partners. If every mother bought this book for her daughter the world would be a happier place!
66 of 67 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
This book is completely unputdownable!! Collins' understanding of emotional unavailability in its various forms, its' devastating effects on relationships, and helpful chapters on how to avoid it, are spot on. If you are in a relationship that isn't working yet you can't put your finger on precisely why, you could do a lot worse than give this book a whirl. I bought it to help me understand my emotionally unavailable partner, and was shocked to find not only him but also myself inside it. I only wish I'd discovered it 20 years ago!
46 of 47 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
Bryn Collins' book makes talking from emotions and listening to how other people talk about feelings seem so easy. It's not just the examples of the various kinds of unavailable people - been there, married them - but it's also how she made me understand that how people talk about their feelings is how they feel their feelings and that I don't have to fix 'em because I didn't break 'em, which I've spent much too much time in my life doing. Her book came into my life just in time for me not to reject the right guy because he wasn't "exciting" enough. This is a great book for everyone.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars
Very Good
so far very good - have a lot more to read.as only got it yesterday. Fascinating and illuminating thus far.. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Mrs. S. P. Erian
5.0 out of 5 stars
Men and women who refuse love.
This book was a really enlightening for me. I just came out of a really confusing relationship with a man who had major commitment issues. Read more
Published 13 months ago by Emotional Unavailability
3.0 out of 5 stars
Entertaining but take it with a pinch of salt
I bought this book, having just come out of a damaging relationship with someone I considered could have been "emotionally unavailable". Read more
Published 22 months ago by Rocky
4.0 out of 5 stars
Rate Emotional Unavailibility
Books took a we while to come but was worth it when it did. There is a section for everyone. My one quibble is that while the author did gave us access to a good few case... Read more
Published 24 months ago by Angeline
5.0 out of 5 stars
Graet Book
I recomend this book to anyone who wants to understand why some of their relationships failed. Written in simple language with many egzamples the book made so many things clear to... Read more
Published on 29 Jun 2010 by Martha
5.0 out of 5 stars
Excellent
Helpful, in non romantic relationships, as well as romantic relationships. Helps with generally recognising and dealing with emotions. Read more
Published on 1 Feb 2010 by EB
5.0 out of 5 stars
Outstanding !
I found this book very helpful on many different levels,I understand now,how to avoid that 'Emotionally Unavailable' person. Read more
Published on 5 Sep 2009 by K. Breen
4.0 out of 5 stars
emotional unavailability.
Interesting book with theory on how this predicament occurs.After reading this book i felt more knowledgable about the subject and would recomend it to anybody stuck in a... Read more
Published on 7 Aug 2009 by trishiapp28
5.0 out of 5 stars
Emotional Availability
Provides an excellent insight with checklists for the emotionally unavailable. A book of self discovery
Published on 15 July 2009 by Teresa North
2.0 out of 5 stars
Choose another book!
This book was a big disappointment - really the author's thoughts and opinions on different reasons why someone might avoid real intimacy. Read more
Published on 25 Sep 2008 by Book Worm DJ
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