Embracing Your Inner Critic
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Synopsis
Drawing from extensive experience in helping people all over the world learn to function more harmoniously by embracing their inner selves, Hal and Sandra Stone focus on the most ubiquitous sub-personality, the shrill voice inside that never lets a person forget their "mistakes". The inner critic can make people feel bad about themselves by creating and exacerbating anxiety, shame, depression, low self-esteem, exhaustion and stress. This book tells how this negative voice develops, how it affects relationships with the reader and others, and what can be done to transform a tyrannical inner critic into a companion and friend.
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Back Cover
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
Many books of this type are so packed with unexplained jargon that I do not finish the book. Embracing your Inner Critic is an exception.
The underlying assumption of the book is that we all have an inner voice which develops in early childhood with the aim of looking after us.
For a child brought up under ideal conditions this inner voice (the inner critic) will be helpful in reminding us that certain behaviours are wise and appropriate while others are dangerous or inappropriate. The role of the voice is to look after us!
Sadly most of us are not brought up in ideal conditions and the inner critic can develop in a manner that is destructive and even crippling. For example if a child has been brought up in an environment of criticism or denigration, the inner voice may become very strong and aggressive, repeating the negative comments made (such as "you're no good" "you'll never be any good" etc).
Initially the voice seems to develop in this way as a protective mechanism - if a child faces a severe beating if she fails to wash, this leads to anxiety and a voice speaking excessively about cleanliness; the hope being that the child washes and avoids the punishment for failure.
The inner voice seems very easily to run out of control, leading to poor self esteem and depression and even a heightened risk of suicide. Individuals may find that they escape a negative environment expecting their depression to lift when they are free from external negative influences, only to find that they can't escape the inner critic - which can become the harshest judge of all.
What causes the mal-formation of the Critic?
It seems that there are several factors but the main ones relate to the upbringing of the child in terms of:
* Consistent negative and denigrating comments
* Excessive unfavourable comparison with others
* Excessive emphasis on achievement
What is the solution?
The authors outline a method of voice dialogue in which the critic is befriended. The individual becomes aware of various forces at work within, and is able to talk with the critic and listen to it in a positive way and give it the reassurance that it needs. This approach is based on the fundamental purpose of the internal critic - which is to look after the person (child).
This approach incorporates the fact that we all as individuals need to grow up and not simply be run by the forces within us, but develop our own personalities. We need to become self aware! We are then more able to make decisions based on the information around and within.
Parents (and others who care for children) should be aware of the dangers of excessive critisism of the children in their care.
Repressed personalities?
We have many personalities which we express - and may well have choked off the opposites. This can result in a person who is slim and careful with what they eat being extremely judgmental towards individuals who are overweight.
Religious aspects
Many religious people seem to suffer from an over active critic. This is perhaps for 2 reasons
* The stakes are higher - if the child is scared of going to Hell this will lead to anxiety and a stronger critic
* Much religious practice is based on keeping detailed rules and failure to keep to those rules gives the critic endless ammunition
It is interesting to note that the religious person who is motivated by a deep love of God and a knowledge of their own value to Him, have much less problem with the overactive critic.
The underlying assumption of the book is that we all have an inner voice which develops in early childhood with the aim of looking after us.
For a child brought up under ideal conditions this inner voice (the inner critic) will be helpful in reminding us that certain behaviours are wise and appropriate while others are dangerous or inappropriate. The role of the voice is to look after us!
Sadly most of us are not brought up in ideal conditions and the inner critic can develop in a manner that is destructive and even crippling. For example if a child has been brought up in an environment of criticism or denigration, the inner voice may become very strong and aggressive, repeating the negative comments made (such as "you're no good" "you'll never be any good" etc).
Initially the voice seems to develop in this way as a protective mechanism - if a child faces a severe beating if she fails to wash, this leads to anxiety and a voice speaking excessively about cleanliness; the hope being that the child washes and avoids the punishment for failure.
The inner voice seems very easily to run out of control, leading to poor self esteem and depression and even a heightened risk of suicide. Individuals may find that they escape a negative environment expecting their depression to lift when they are free from external negative influences, only to find that they can't escape the inner critic - which can become the harshest judge of all.
What causes the mal-formation of the Critic?
It seems that there are several factors but the main ones relate to the upbringing of the child in terms of:
* Consistent negative and denigrating comments
* Excessive unfavourable comparison with others
* Excessive emphasis on achievement
What is the solution?
The authors outline a method of voice dialogue in which the critic is befriended. The individual becomes aware of various forces at work within, and is able to talk with the critic and listen to it in a positive way and give it the reassurance that it needs. This approach is based on the fundamental purpose of the internal critic - which is to look after the person (child).
This approach incorporates the fact that we all as individuals need to grow up and not simply be run by the forces within us, but develop our own personalities. We need to become self aware! We are then more able to make decisions based on the information around and within.
Parents (and others who care for children) should be aware of the dangers of excessive critisism of the children in their care.
Repressed personalities?
We have many personalities which we express - and may well have choked off the opposites. This can result in a person who is slim and careful with what they eat being extremely judgmental towards individuals who are overweight.
Religious aspects
Many religious people seem to suffer from an over active critic. This is perhaps for 2 reasons
* The stakes are higher - if the child is scared of going to Hell this will lead to anxiety and a stronger critic
* Much religious practice is based on keeping detailed rules and failure to keep to those rules gives the critic endless ammunition
It is interesting to note that the religious person who is motivated by a deep love of God and a knowledge of their own value to Him, have much less problem with the overactive critic.
14 of 15 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
Hal and Sidra Stone are pioneers in this field of inner voice dialogue. Think evolution from Freud's id, ego, super ego...through Transactional Analysis (Parent, Child, Adult) through Bradshaw's Inner child work...to inner voice dialogue. They have video's books and workshops and have trained numerous professionals in this technique. The result is a genuinely effective technique that gives us a viable framework to understand why we often have opposing thoughts and feelings and the tools to move us in a direction of acting from a more "adult" place.
The book explains where the critic and other sub-personalities come from, the concept of disowned selves and how instead of trying to "choke" our critic into silence, we can actually take a more lasting approach to understanding it and the related subpersonalities, hold the primary subs and the disowned selves together and work toward balance and the achievement of a strong aware ego. Don't be scared off by the lingo here, it is very understandable and usable information.
The book explains where the critic and other sub-personalities come from, the concept of disowned selves and how instead of trying to "choke" our critic into silence, we can actually take a more lasting approach to understanding it and the related subpersonalities, hold the primary subs and the disowned selves together and work toward balance and the achievement of a strong aware ego. Don't be scared off by the lingo here, it is very understandable and usable information.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I have found this book to be very helpful in my journey of self-discovery, as it has allowed me to be kinder on myself and respect that I am not perfect, but there is room for growth. I am a trainee counsellor and this book has enabled me to accept the aspects of myself that I want to dismiss, and it inspires and gives hope to the despairing out there. it is very readable, and highly applicable to anyone, whether you have an understanding of couselling or have been a client.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
Clear and empathic
An excellent book about understanding the Inner Critic, of value to therapists and clients alike. Like all the best American humanistic therapy books it manages to be direct,... Read more
Published 9 months ago by Pensato
good way to purchase books from abroad
It took four weeks to this american book to reach Spain but it finally did, direct to my postbox and in good condition. I'm completely happy.
Published 14 months ago by anjee
Good an very useful
This book is very useful suffering myself from several mental problems, I have found it of great use. It was my counsellors suggestion. Read more
Published 17 months ago by Bextree
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