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Don't Tell Mum I Work on the Rigs: (She Thinks I'm a Piano Player in a Whorehouse) [Paperback]

Paul Carter
4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (147 customer reviews)

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Book Description

22 Jun 2006
Strap yourself in for an exhilarating, crazed, sometimes terrifying, frequently bloody funny ride through one man's adventures in the oil trade. A take no prisoners' approach to life has seen Paul Carter heading to some of the world's most remote, wild and dangerous places as a contractor in the oil business. Amazingly, he's survived (so far) to tell these stories from the edge of civilization. He has been shot at, hijacked and held hostage; almost died of dysentery in Asia and toothache in Russia; watched a Texan lose his mind in the jungles of Asia; lost a lot of money backing a scorpion against a mouse in a fight to the death, and been served cocktails by an orang-utan on an ocean freighter. And that's just his day job. Taking postings in some of the world's wildest and most remote regions, not to mention some of the roughest rigs on the planet, Paul has worked, got into trouble, and been given serious talkings to, in locations as far-flung as the North Sea, Middle East, Borneo and Tunisia, as exotic as Sumatra, Vietnam and Thailand, and as flat-out dangerous as Columbia, Nigeria and Russia, with some of the maddest, baddest and strangest people you could ever hope not to meet.

Frequently Bought Together

Don't Tell Mum I Work on the Rigs: (She Thinks I'm a Piano Player in a Whorehouse) + This Is Not a Drill: Just Another Glorious Day in the Oilfield + Is That Bike Diesel, Mate?: One Man, One Bike and the First Lap Around Australia on Used Cooking Oil
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Product details

  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Nicholas Brealey Publishing (22 Jun 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1857883764
  • ISBN-13: 978-1857883763
  • Product Dimensions: 13.5 x 21.4 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (147 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 637,708 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Paul Carter has been working in the oil exploration industry since he was eighteen years old, in that time he has accumulated a wealth of hilarious and often terrifying stories. Alongside his work as a writer Paul has continued to work on drilling rigs.

www.paulcarter.net.au

Product Description

Review

"A boy's own yarn from the front line of the oil industry." -- Men's Style

"A fascinating and funny life story well worth the read." -- Sportsladsmag.com, 10 July 2006

"A torrent of tall tales from a life less ordinary" -- The Press and Journal, Aberdeen, 4th July 2006

"A torrent of tall tales from a life less ordinary:. -- The Press and Journal, Aberdeen, 22 July 2006

"A unique look at a gritty game. Relentlessly funny and obsessively readable." -- Phillip Noyce, director of The Quiet American and Clear and Present Danger

"Carter's tales are always entertainingand offer a few unblinking apercus baout Big Oil seen from the inside." -- Scotland on Sunday, 9th July 2006

"Full of colourful storoes and well-worn anecdotes accumulated over almost two decade working the oil rigs" -- TNT Magazine, 17th July 2006

"Great two-fisted writing from the far side of hell" -- John Birmingham, bestselling author of He Died with a Felafel in his Hand and Dopeland

"Paul Carter Spins a good yarn. The disburbing thig is that the yarns are all real." -- Lucire Men

Review

"Great two-fisted writing from the far side of hell." (John Birmingham)

"A unique look at a gritty game. Relentlessly funny and obsessively readable." (Phillip Noyce)

"A Boy's Own yarn from the front line of the oil industry." (Men's Style)

"Full of colourful stories and anecdotes accumulated over almost two decades working the oil rigs." (TNT Magazine)

"Paul Carter has led an amazing and intriguing life working on oil rigs throughout the world. His experiences reinforce the adage that truth can be stranger than fiction. However, one is never quite sure throughout this production if he has an overarching narrative to tell or if he is just slinging together a loosely connected series of entertaining anecdotes. Though slightly disjointed, his tales are intriguing – and made more so by the jovial Australian accent with which he recounts his exploits. Energy permeates his narration, and his caricatured impersonations of the various people who populate his stories, surprisingly, add to the listener's enjoyment." (AudioFile Magazine) --This text refers to the Audio CD edition.

Inside This Book (Learn More)
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First Sentence
I WAS BORN IN THE UK to a German mother, an English father, an older sister, and a cat called Brim. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Health and safety? I think not. 14 April 2008
By Petrolhead VINE VOICE
Format:Paperback
This book takes about two hours to read. It zips through hundreds of hilarious and dangerous situations that the author gets into all over the world. A very funny and rather shocking look at the humour and adrenaline of men working in the oil industry, it will go down well with anyone who enjoys a good lad's mag.

I bought this on spec in Sydney airport where the petite Asian lady in the bookshop said "Oh yes, I've read that, it's excellent." I was a little surprised, perhaps even suspicious and unsure of what I was buying. Now I just have respect for the lady in the shop. This book is all about drunkenness, fights in foreign bars, inappropriate pets, diarrhoea at the worst moment, brutal practical jokes, jungle madness and the raw testosterone-fuelled humour of oil drillers.

When I bought it, I was actually thinking I might learn something about the oil industry, especially since it starts with a little graphic guide to the different types of oil rig and platform. But forget it, the oil is just an excuse for the larks, bravado and cameraderie.

I also wondered about the title: not just "don't tell mum", but also the bit about being a piano player in a whorehouse. Well, forgive the spoiler, but the author's mum worked in the oil industry too, so she knew what he was up to, and never thought he worked in a whorehouse (although he visited enough). But I guess it's a snappy enough title, and it caught my eye.

If you're a real pedant like me you will also find some of Paul Carter's facts are way out, a bit like his spelling (e.g. elementary canal) but this is by-the-by. It's the laughs that make the book.

And if you're a nice mum buying this to try to persuade your precious son that becoming an oilman is too dangerous and dodgy, forget it. He'll read this book and never want to do anything else - apart from reading the sequel "This is not a drill"...
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15 of 16 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Does what it says on the tin 22 Mar 2007
By Simmo
Format:Paperback
The "blurb" on the cover was spot on. It was hilarious and I couldn't put it down. I embarrassed my kids on the plane to Spain by continually giggling to myself. One of the funniest books I read certainly in non-fiction.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A terrific read 13 April 2010
Format:Paperback
This was a book that got me those looks from my wife whilst reading it in bed. You know the one, when she wonders what the hell you are up to because all you can do is snigger and try to stifle laughs. Brilliant.
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11 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Best gift I could have bought him. 31 Dec 2008
Format:Paperback
This was a last minute purchase for my better half for Christmas. With all the expensive presents opened I should have saved my money on the other stuff and just given him this. Within 2 minutes of reading he was laughing out loud in the other room. There was now no chance of help with the turkey as he wouldn't put the book down. All I could hear was him screaming with laughter.
I suggested that as he was finding it so funny, then maybe I should read it to find out what shenanigans he gets up to whilst on the rigs. The answer was "I don't think so" and it has swiftly been taken off onto the rig for everyone else to read.
Best buy ever.
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12 of 13 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Oil Industry ...must read 14 Dec 2006
Format:Paperback
Having worked on the rigs for thirty years, i found this book outstanding!

all the guys i work with have read it and loved it. It's a wild ride, can't wait for the next one.
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14 of 16 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars I laughed out loud on the Tube 23 Jan 2007
By SW
Format:Paperback
I laughed at this book so much. Its well written and pacey and easy to pick up and put down. The monkey story on the fan was about the funniest thing I'd read in a long time. The book is now doing the rounds at work with similar feedback. Definitely worth getting!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Oil&Gas Industry at its best.... 18 Mar 2008
Format:Paperback
I work in the oil&gas industry and hearing some of the stories from people who are on the front line - you would usually find it hard to believe. Someone recommended this book, so I took the plunge and ordered it - and there is nothing much to say but absolutely brilliant. I can believe all the stories that Pauli describe, and having spoken to a few rednecks they only amuse me more. It is however a relatively short book and I've already ordered the sequel. It took me just over a week to read, and whatsmore, reading it on the train can be very dangerous because when it's busy with other commuters, the last thing they want to see is someone laughing so hard that they almost cry. Trust me this book is worth a gallon of petrol (at todays rates) and was undoubtedly the funniest book i've ever read!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Rig Star 6 Aug 2008
By Johnentwistlespout VINE VOICE
Format:Paperback
Autobiographies about out of control rockstars are ten a penny, similar books about "normal" people far less common. The reason for that is pretty simple I guess, we aspire to our dreams and wishes...and with the best will in the world I don't wanna work on a rig. Never the less Paul Carters book is a pretty good read, he wizzes around the world and keeps things snappy, even if the claims on the cover are a little exagerated - taken hostage...er where?. He's no crazy Keith Moon character either, its the situation rather than the personality thats amusing here.
A good, but slight, read.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Second hand but looked like new
Published 1 day ago by John A Cavey
4.0 out of 5 stars Four Stars
Really good read
Published 1 day ago by mrs lisa m barron
2.0 out of 5 stars Was a bit like an extended magazine feature on a vaguely interesting...
Fairly underwhelmed. Was a bit like an extended magazine feature on a vaguely interesting guy who has worked in oil and got drunk a fair bit. Read more
Published 10 days ago by Matt Thomas (@smartamatt)
5.0 out of 5 stars and love it. now reading another one of his books ...
this is the second one I,ve read, and love it .now reading another one of his books which I am also enjoying.
Published 1 month ago by Andy Massey
3.0 out of 5 stars Three Stars
Very good
Published 1 month ago by David Ludkin
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Hilarious
Published 2 months ago by G. E. Carrington
4.0 out of 5 stars Well written and with interesting events. A bit autobiographical ...
Well written and with interesting events. A bit autobiographical for my liking, which meant the book didn't always flow well.
Published 3 months ago by E J Nelson
3.0 out of 5 stars Good read
Bought this book because the name intrigued me! Very good to start with ... loved the 1st chapter! Bit slow in the middle but it soon picked up again.
Published 4 months ago by Miss Katherine A Giles
5.0 out of 5 stars I laughed my a** off.
Very funny, very surreal stories of life in the oil industry. Though I don't think that half this stuff goes on any more,
Published 4 months ago by Baz Heath
2.0 out of 5 stars Not funny
I bought this book after hearing that people were literally laughing out loud while reading it.

Not sure where those bits were in the book! Read more
Published 4 months ago by Kash
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