Disarming the Narcissist
and over one million other books are available for Amazon Kindle .
Learn more
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 Trade In this Item for up to £2.05
Get an extra £5 when you trade in books worth £10 or more until June 30, 2012. Trade in Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-absorbed for an Amazon.co.uk gift card of up to £2.05, which you can then spend on millions of items across the site. Trade-in values may vary (terms apply). Find more products eligible for trade-in.
|
Frequently Bought Together
Product details
|
More About the Author
Product Description
Review
"Behary is an exceptionally perceptive, compassionate, and creative clinician and an outstanding teacher. I have always found her immersed at the cutting edge of clinical science and practice. It has been both a privilege and an inspiration to watch her vision and clinical contributions evolve. These remarkable qualities are clearly evident in her new book, which I have no doubt will make a major contribution. It will bring anyone who deals with narcissism fully up to date with the latest our field has to offer, articulated in clear, poignant, and practical terms. "
--George Lockwood, Ph.D., director of the Schema Therapy Institute Midwest in Kalamazoo, MI
Product Description
What can you do with the narcissistic people in your life? They're frustrating (and maybe even intimidating) to deal with. But sometimes you genuinely care for one of them. And you might need to interact with others in social or professional settings. Sometimes it doesn't won't work to simply ignore them. You need to find a way of communicating effectively with narcissists, getting your point across and meeting your needs while sidestepping unproductive power struggles and senseless arguments.This book offers several strategies for dealing effectively with someone who is at the centre of his or her own universe. Readers will learn how to move past the narcissist's defences with compassionate, empathetic communication. They'll learn to understand the worldview and coping styles of narcissists and why it's often sad and lonely to be a narcissist. By anticipating and avoiding certain hot-button issues, readers will discover ways to relate to narcissists without triggering aggression. By validating some common narcissistic concerns, readers will find out how to be heard in conversation with a narcissist. Also covered are strategies for limit setting and for knowing when to draw the line on unacceptable behaviour.
Inside This Book
(Learn More)
Tags Customers Associate with This Product(What's this?)Click on a tag to find related items, discussions, and people.
|
What Other Items Do Customers Buy After Viewing This Item?
Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
123 of 124 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I bought this book because my ex is a paid up narcissist and, as a psychologist myself with a grounding in CBT and a familiarity with both schema therapy and Jeffery Young's book (something frequently referred to by the author), I thought this book came with good credentials. I have to be honest at this point that I haven't read it cover to cover to yet, because it has yet to engage me, but I have speed read my way through.
However, my gut reaction was such that I wanted to write a review. Personally this book seems based on a dangerous premise - that it's good to see the world from the narcissist's point of view and that you can help them to change. In my opinion narcissists are excellent at seeing the world from their own point of view anyway and I think that sympathy and empathy for them is potentially quite harmful for the sympathiser. It keeps you where they want you - involved with them. Furthermore, narcissists are notoriously reluctant to engage in the process of change - why should they when they're so great anyway?
Whilst I can see the utility of giving people strategies for dealing with the unavoidable narcissists in their lives (close relatives, co-parents, colleagues etc), I think there's a lot to be said for the mantra of a lot of survivors' groups out there of simply getting as far away from any avoidable narcissists as you can (and that would include partners and supposed friends). Ms. Behary seems to give a lot of examples of interactions with the latter group in which the non-narcissist is supposed to be empathic for the narcissist's plight and help them on the road to change. Personality Disorder is rightly conceptualised as a continuum and if we're talking about people who are on the milder end of the narcissistic continuum, then that might be appropriate, but if you are involved with someone at the more extreme end, I think you could waste a lot of your time - and your life - atempting to put these ideas into action. CBT therapists are very good at data collection; personally before I bought into Ms Behary's approach, I'd like to know outcome statistics and the degree of narcissism of her clients.
If you're looking at books like this, I'd recommend "Why is it always about you?" by Sandy Hotchkiss. If you're interested in a CBT approach to narcissism, check out the last chapter of Jeffrey Young's book, "Reinventing your life" on entitlement schemata - this resonated for me. You might also find "The sociopath next door" by Martha Stout or "Without conscience" by Robert Hare useful. In my experience, hard core narcissists can behave very much like sociopaths and it can be useful to work out the differences. Apart from that, if you can, I wouldn't bother trying to help someone to change - let the narcissist get on with their entirely self centred life, whilst you make a better life for yourself.
However, my gut reaction was such that I wanted to write a review. Personally this book seems based on a dangerous premise - that it's good to see the world from the narcissist's point of view and that you can help them to change. In my opinion narcissists are excellent at seeing the world from their own point of view anyway and I think that sympathy and empathy for them is potentially quite harmful for the sympathiser. It keeps you where they want you - involved with them. Furthermore, narcissists are notoriously reluctant to engage in the process of change - why should they when they're so great anyway?
Whilst I can see the utility of giving people strategies for dealing with the unavoidable narcissists in their lives (close relatives, co-parents, colleagues etc), I think there's a lot to be said for the mantra of a lot of survivors' groups out there of simply getting as far away from any avoidable narcissists as you can (and that would include partners and supposed friends). Ms. Behary seems to give a lot of examples of interactions with the latter group in which the non-narcissist is supposed to be empathic for the narcissist's plight and help them on the road to change. Personality Disorder is rightly conceptualised as a continuum and if we're talking about people who are on the milder end of the narcissistic continuum, then that might be appropriate, but if you are involved with someone at the more extreme end, I think you could waste a lot of your time - and your life - atempting to put these ideas into action. CBT therapists are very good at data collection; personally before I bought into Ms Behary's approach, I'd like to know outcome statistics and the degree of narcissism of her clients.
If you're looking at books like this, I'd recommend "Why is it always about you?" by Sandy Hotchkiss. If you're interested in a CBT approach to narcissism, check out the last chapter of Jeffrey Young's book, "Reinventing your life" on entitlement schemata - this resonated for me. You might also find "The sociopath next door" by Martha Stout or "Without conscience" by Robert Hare useful. In my experience, hard core narcissists can behave very much like sociopaths and it can be useful to work out the differences. Apart from that, if you can, I wouldn't bother trying to help someone to change - let the narcissist get on with their entirely self centred life, whilst you make a better life for yourself.
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
This is the second book on narcissism that I have read recently, the other being Hotchkiss'.
I agree with the previous reviewer on the book's premise, and its danger: I too often feel asked to adopt the narcissist's perspective. This is different, though, from understanding the narcissist, the focus of Behary's book. While adopting the perspective demanded in an argument may be a prelude to giving up on one's own, understanding the narcissist, and oneself, may be the first step in understanding how to act wisely.
Nevertheless, the book is silent on the fundamental question: what is the evidence on the likelihood of change for a narcissist? Trying to understanding how to wisely engage with a narcissist may be of limited value if this chance is small enough.
Overall, I found Behary's book more substantial than Hotchkiss'. I would have liked to know more, if possible, on the neurochemistry of the narcissists themselves, not just those who deal with narcissists: is there any evidence that narcissism is susceptible to chemical treatments, for example? I would have also appreciated a more level treatment of the other clinicians mentioned in the book, whose mention often felt like book endorsements for them: rather than just listing pages of schema, mention of their empirical validity would have also been appreciated.
I agree with the previous reviewer on the book's premise, and its danger: I too often feel asked to adopt the narcissist's perspective. This is different, though, from understanding the narcissist, the focus of Behary's book. While adopting the perspective demanded in an argument may be a prelude to giving up on one's own, understanding the narcissist, and oneself, may be the first step in understanding how to act wisely.
Nevertheless, the book is silent on the fundamental question: what is the evidence on the likelihood of change for a narcissist? Trying to understanding how to wisely engage with a narcissist may be of limited value if this chance is small enough.
Overall, I found Behary's book more substantial than Hotchkiss'. I would have liked to know more, if possible, on the neurochemistry of the narcissists themselves, not just those who deal with narcissists: is there any evidence that narcissism is susceptible to chemical treatments, for example? I would have also appreciated a more level treatment of the other clinicians mentioned in the book, whose mention often felt like book endorsements for them: rather than just listing pages of schema, mention of their empirical validity would have also been appreciated.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I have been married to a Narcicist for 20 years... and only recently put a name to the kind of abuse I am suffering. The author describes him as if she knew him personally. She describes me as if she knew me personally! Some of the suggestions are still a bit "over my head", and I'll have to once again make a lot of adjustments to be able to handle the person I love so much. Do I have it in me, after I have alreay adjusted so many times? Will he ever change? Only time will tell. However, what I do know, is that I am already more aware... or as she puts it: mindfull. Good informative reading and defenitely helpfull in many ways.
Would you like to see more reviews about this item?
Were these reviews helpful?
Let us know
Most Recent Customer Reviews
disarming the narcissist
Excellent reading, really easy to understand. highly recommend to the sufferers who have to cope with this certain type of person.
Published 7 months ago by Sneezy
The Jargon Free truth about Difficult 'Me' People
With a couple of 'me, me, me' people in my life, that I've wanted to run from and love simultaneously, this book helped shed light on why they behave the way they do. Read more
Published 13 months ago by GG
Astonishingly Accurate and Informative !
A wonderfully readable book ! Being unfamiliar with the term Narcissist , other than realising that it had a likely connection to Narcissus in Greek mythology , Wikipedia came to... Read more
Published 18 months ago by Tiny Stork
Listmania!
Look for similar items by category
Look for similar items by subject
Feedback
- Would you like to update product info or give feedback on images?
- I am the Author, and I want to comment on my book.
- I am the Publisher, and I want to comment on this book.
|
