Disarming the Narcissist and over 1.5 million other books are available for Amazon Kindle . Learn more


or
Sign in to turn on 1-Click ordering.
Trade in Yours
For a £2.75 Gift Card
Trade in
More Buying Choices
Have one to sell? Sell yours here
Sorry, this item is not available in
Image not available for
Colour:
Image not available

 
Start reading Disarming the Narcissist on your Kindle in under a minute.

Don't have a Kindle? Get your Kindle here, or download a FREE Kindle Reading App.

Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-absorbed [Paperback]

Wendy T. Behary
3.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
RRP: £14.99
Price: £11.39 & this item Delivered FREE in the UK with Super Saver Delivery. See details and conditions
You Save: £3.60 (24%)
o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o
Only 2 left in stock (more on the way).
Dispatched from and sold by Amazon. Gift-wrap available.
Want delivery by Wednesday, 22 May? Choose Express delivery at checkout. See Details

Formats

Amazon Price New from Used from
Kindle Edition £10.25  
Paperback £11.39  
Audio, CD, Audiobook, MP3 Audio, Unabridged --  
Audio Download, Unabridged £11.77 or Free with Audible.co.uk 30-day free trial
Trade In this Item for up to £2.75
Trade in Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-absorbed for an Amazon.co.uk gift card of up to £2.75, which you can then spend on millions of items across the site. Trade-in values may vary (terms apply). Learn more

Book Description

2 May 2008 1572245190 978-1572245198
What can you do with the narcissistic people in your life? They're frustrating (and maybe even intimidating) to deal with. But sometimes you genuinely care for one of them. And you might need to interact with others in social or professional settings. Sometimes it doesn't won't work to simply ignore them. You need to find a way of communicating effectively with narcissists, getting your point across and meeting your needs while sidestepping unproductive power struggles and senseless arguments.This book offers several strategies for dealing effectively with someone who is at the centre of his or her own universe. Readers will learn how to move past the narcissist's defences with compassionate, empathetic communication. They'll learn to understand the worldview and coping styles of narcissists and why it's often sad and lonely to be a narcissist. By anticipating and avoiding certain hot-button issues, readers will discover ways to relate to narcissists without triggering aggression. By validating some common narcissistic concerns, readers will find out how to be heard in conversation with a narcissist. Also covered are strategies for limit setting and for knowing when to draw the line on unacceptable behaviour.

Frequently Bought Together

Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-absorbed + Narcissism: Denial of the True Self + Narcissistic Lovers: How to Cope, Recover and Move on
Price For All Three: £30.37

Buy the selected items together


Product details

  • Paperback: 184 pages
  • Publisher: New Harbinger Publications,U.S. (2 May 2008)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1572245190
  • ISBN-13: 978-1572245198
  • Product Dimensions: 15.2 x 1 x 22.8 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 3.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 28,605 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Discover books, learn about writers, and more.

Product Description

Review

"Behary is an exceptionally perceptive, compassionate, and creative clinician and an outstanding teacher. I have always found her immersed at the cutting edge of clinical science and practice. It has been both a privilege and an inspiration to watch her vision and clinical contributions evolve. These remarkable qualities are clearly evident in her new book, which I have no doubt will make a major contribution. It will bring anyone who deals with narcissism fully up to date with the latest our field has to offer, articulated in clear, poignant, and practical terms. "
--George Lockwood, Ph.D., director of the Schema Therapy Institute Midwest in Kalamazoo, MI

About the Author

Wendy T. Behary, LCSW, is founder and clinical director of the Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and the NJ Institute for Schema Therapy. She is also a distinguished founding fellow of the Academy of Cognitive Therapy. She maintains a private practice, specializing in narcissism and "high-conflict" couples therapy.
Preface writer Daniel J. Siegel, MD, is the author of "The Mindful Brain, " and an associate clinical professor at the UCLA School of Medicine Center for Human Development.
Foreword writer Jeffrey Young, PhD, is the author of "Schema Therapy, a Practitioner's Guide, " and founder/director of the Schema Therapy Institute Schema Therapy Institute of NYC.

Inside This Book (Learn More)
Browse Sample Pages
Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Back Cover
Search inside this book:

What Other Items Do Customers Buy After Viewing This Item?


Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
175 of 176 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Based on a dangerous premise 1 Sep 2009
Format:Paperback
I bought this book because my ex is a paid up narcissist and, as a psychologist myself with a grounding in CBT and a familiarity with both schema therapy and Jeffery Young's book (something frequently referred to by the author), I thought this book came with good credentials. I have to be honest at this point that I haven't read it cover to cover to yet, because it has yet to engage me, but I have speed read my way through.

However, my gut reaction was such that I wanted to write a review. Personally this book seems based on a dangerous premise - that it's good to see the world from the narcissist's point of view and that you can help them to change. In my opinion narcissists are excellent at seeing the world from their own point of view anyway and I think that sympathy and empathy for them is potentially quite harmful for the sympathiser. It keeps you where they want you - involved with them. Furthermore, narcissists are notoriously reluctant to engage in the process of change - why should they when they're so great anyway?

Whilst I can see the utility of giving people strategies for dealing with the unavoidable narcissists in their lives (close relatives, co-parents, colleagues etc), I think there's a lot to be said for the mantra of a lot of survivors' groups out there of simply getting as far away from any avoidable narcissists as you can (and that would include partners and supposed friends). Ms. Behary seems to give a lot of examples of interactions with the latter group in which the non-narcissist is supposed to be empathic for the narcissist's plight and help them on the road to change. Personality Disorder is rightly conceptualised as a continuum and if we're talking about people who are on the milder end of the narcissistic continuum, then that might be appropriate, but if you are involved with someone at the more extreme end, I think you could waste a lot of your time - and your life - atempting to put these ideas into action. CBT therapists are very good at data collection; personally before I bought into Ms Behary's approach, I'd like to know outcome statistics and the degree of narcissism of her clients.

If you're looking at books like this, I'd recommend "Why is it always about you?" by Sandy Hotchkiss. If you're interested in a CBT approach to narcissism, check out the last chapter of Jeffrey Young's book, "Reinventing your life" on entitlement schemata - this resonated for me. You might also find "The sociopath next door" by Martha Stout or "Without conscience" by Robert Hare useful. In my experience, hard core narcissists can behave very much like sociopaths and it can be useful to work out the differences. Apart from that, if you can, I wouldn't bother trying to help someone to change - let the narcissist get on with their entirely self centred life, whilst you make a better life for yourself.
Was this review helpful to you?
8 of 9 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars a helpful book 5 Nov 2010
By Mansel
Format:Paperback
This is the second book on narcissism that I have read recently, the other being Hotchkiss'.

I agree with the previous reviewer on the book's premise, and its danger: I too often feel asked to adopt the narcissist's perspective. This is different, though, from understanding the narcissist, the focus of Behary's book. While adopting the perspective demanded in an argument may be a prelude to giving up on one's own, understanding the narcissist, and oneself, may be the first step in understanding how to act wisely.

Nevertheless, the book is silent on the fundamental question: what is the evidence on the likelihood of change for a narcissist? Trying to understanding how to wisely engage with a narcissist may be of limited value if this chance is small enough.

Overall, I found Behary's book more substantial than Hotchkiss'. I would have liked to know more, if possible, on the neurochemistry of the narcissists themselves, not just those who deal with narcissists: is there any evidence that narcissism is susceptible to chemical treatments, for example? I would have also appreciated a more level treatment of the other clinicians mentioned in the book, whose mention often felt like book endorsements for them: rather than just listing pages of schema, mention of their empirical validity would have also been appreciated.
Comment | 
Was this review helpful to you?
3.0 out of 5 stars So so 5 April 2013
By Ange
Format:Kindle Edition
I felt the book gave lots of tips on healthy communication, but I found it clashed with my belief that anyone with healthy self esteem would end a relationship with a toxic person, not work on ways to make the abusive behaviours more tolerable. Good for anyone with their heart set on staying with a narcissist, but not for anyone wanting to work on their self worth to avoid such people.
Comment | 
Was this review helpful to you?
Would you like to see more reviews about this item?
Were these reviews helpful?   Let us know
Most Recent Customer Reviews
1.0 out of 5 stars fails to live up to it's title
The author appears to be less interested in offering any useful advice about dealing with narcissism than providing a wordy description of schema theory which she assumes the... Read more
Published 1 month ago by oillad
5.0 out of 5 stars Good info book on such a complex subject.
Excellent understanding of a complex personality disorder .Without the access to Amazon and their continued recommendations I would still be wondering what my mother was about. Read more
Published 4 months ago by nina booth
2.0 out of 5 stars Of limited value
I found 'Disarming the Narcissist' much less helpful than I had hoped.

The section on the origins of narcissism read, to me, more like an incomplete whistle-stop tour of... Read more
Published 5 months ago by S Fox
5.0 out of 5 stars disarming the narcissist
Excellent reading, really easy to understand. highly recommend to the sufferers who have to cope with this certain type of person.
Published 19 months ago by Sneezy
5.0 out of 5 stars The Jargon Free truth about Difficult 'Me' People
With a couple of 'me, me, me' people in my life, that I've wanted to run from and love simultaneously, this book helped shed light on why they behave the way they do. Read more
Published on 21 April 2011 by GG
3.0 out of 5 stars Disarm the Narcicist
I have been married to a Narcicist for 20 years... and only recently put a name to the kind of abuse I am suffering. The author describes him as if she knew him personally. Read more
Published on 19 Dec 2010 by Linda
5.0 out of 5 stars Astonishingly Accurate and Informative !
A wonderfully readable book ! Being unfamiliar with the term Narcissist , other than realising that it had a likely connection to Narcissus in Greek mythology , Wikipedia came to... Read more
Published on 10 Nov 2010 by Tiny Stork
Search Customer Reviews
Only search this product's reviews

Customer Discussions

This product's forum
Discussion Replies Latest Post
No discussions yet

Ask questions, Share opinions, Gain insight
Start a new discussion
Topic:
First post:
Prompts for sign-in
 

Search Customer Discussions
Search all Amazon discussions
   


Listmania!


Look for similar items by category


Feedback


Amazon.co.uk Privacy Statement Amazon.co.uk Delivery Information Amazon.co.uk Returns & Exchanges