Dear Judge: Kid's Letters to the Judge (Paperback)

"Dear Judge" is an entirely different sort of book but one with a similar intent, that of seeing custody disputes from the child's point of view. Hardwick has compiled a selection of their actual letters to judges (whom they--usually!--hold in the highest regard) and published the letters in this little book. She has excluded those that are too heart-wrenching, or as she phrases it, are "too dispiriting to print." What the letters have in common is the innocent and (nearly!) guileless efforts of the children to have their voices heard. Unfortunately, while most of these letters were actually read by judges, the judges were often unable to consider the requests of the children because, as Hardwick puts it, "Any communication arriving on a judge's desk that has not followed the proper procedure, cannot be considered by the judge."

What struck me most poignantly about what the children wrote is the fact that for the most part they don't blame either parent, nor do they take sides in the dispute, but instead concentrate on telling the judge what is wrong with the custody arrangements that were agreed to and offer ways to fix the situation. In some cases the children just express how unhappy they are because of the divorce and how much they love both their parents and how much they wish there was some way to get the parents to stop fighting and hating each other.

That is the essence of what these kids are expressing. While the parents are emotionally bent on WINNING at all costs and sometimes filled with hatred toward the other, the children are caught in the middle because the parents often forget what is best for the child. The bottom line in all custody disputes (as Hardwick emphasizes in her SourceBook) is the welfare of the children. What this little book does is remind us of that fact. Here's a little letter that says it all:

"Dear Judge,

I don't think what is going on for me is the same as what is going on for my parents.

I don't know who is right. I don't care who is right.

Clare C."

Another child writes,

"Dear Judge,

I think my mom and dad are fighting because of me. Could you put me in a new family so my mom and dad can be happy again.

Sandy S."

Another:

"Dear Judge,

Please tell my Dad to come home. My mommie cries all the time and it scares me. I don't know if we are going to be alright if he doesnt come home soon.

Tell him I love him and will be a very good girl.

Emily L."

Or simply,

"Dear Judge,

Please don't forget me.

Emily S."

In an inadvertent way that is enormously eloquent, the following letter reveals the psychological damage that a hateful divorce can visit upon a child:

"Dear Judge,

Please don't not make me choose.

William"

I think a lot of good might be done if every parent currently caught up in an acrimonious custody dispute would simply take a few minutes to read through these letters. And it wouldn't hurt for some judges to read them as well.

Some children take the bull by the horns and write to the judge, asking for redress. This book contains their "unofficial" ex parte letters.

Anyone who is about to marry should read this book before taking up the possibility of becoming a parent. All those who decide that they must end their marriages should be required to read this book. Lawyers who work on domestic law should be required to give a copy to their clients.

Legislators should also write new laws to allow judges to take official notice of these currently unofficial documents. Better court orders would surely follow.

Here are some examples of these poignant messages that begin with the salutation, "Dear Judge,":

"When our parents get their divorce do we have to get a divorce too? Sharon and me don't want to divorce our parents. We just want them to get a divorce so they could be friends again."

"Pleasee help me to get to live with my mom and new sister."

"My stepdad explained the Justis Sistem to me. It does not sound right."

"Please have the valuator come back to our house . . . . Tell Miss Hill the dog never p**d on anyone before and we will put him outside this time."

"My parents are out of control . . . . I spend more time taking care of my little brother than either of them and I'm not ready for the job. I just want to be a normal kid again."

"I had to write about what we did this summer so I wrote about our divorce . . . . I feel kind of funny but I feel better. You should tell kids to write about their divorce and feel better too."

I felt tremendously sad while reading these tiny tales. But I was also delighted to see that so many children have more sense than their parents, legislators, judges and lawyers. I hope that this book will help children appreciate how to survive divorce in better ways.

May God bless the children of divorce!

I must say, I found this to be a very touching book. Some of the stories brought a smile to my face, while others brought a lump to my throat. This is a great book for making sure that those normally voiceless in a divorce are heard. I give this book my highest recommendations.