Dealing with People You Can't Stand
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Product Description
Product Description
Some people can make life stressful and unpleasant. Others can keep you from achieving important goals. The good news is that you don't have to let them do either! It's fully within your power to bring out the best behavior in people who are at their worst!
From the Back Cover
How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst!...Now Totally Revised for a New Generation of Bothersome Behaviors
Since this best-selling book first appeared, the world has changed dramatically.
Technology has spawned a whole new breed of annoyances. From cell-phone chatters to E-mail spammers to voice-mail hogs, life today is filled with even more people you can't stand!
It's the guy in the supermarket line who is talking on his cell phone instead of unloading his cart...
It's the E-mail "buddy" who jams your in-box with annoying jokes, petitions, and other junk mail...
It's the boss who behaves like a bully and a petty tyrant, and has the power to get away with it...
It's the co-worker who promises results, but never delivers when the chips are down...
At best, such people can make life stressful and unpleasant. At worst, they can keep you from achieving important goals. The good news is that you don't have to let them do either! It's fully within your power to bring out the best behavior in people who are at their worst.
Sound impossible? It's not. Just ask the millions who have benefited from Brinkman and Kirschner's proven, innovative approach to dealing with difficult people. From this one-of-a-kind guide, you'll learn:
- How to identify 10 bothersome behaviors, and deal successfully with each of them!
- How difficult people think, what they fear, and why they act the way they do.
- How to use advanced, sophisticated "listening techniques" to unlock the doors to people's minds, hearts, and deepest needs.
- How to cultivate nine "take-charge" skills that turn conflict into cooperation by reducing the differences between people.
- How to change the destructive behavior of the tank...the know-it-all...the grenade...the whiner...and many more!
Inside This Book
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First Sentence
There exist varying degrees of knowledge and ignorance in your repertoire of communication skills, with their consequent interpersonal strengths and weaknesses. Read the first page
Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Back Cover
There exist varying degrees of knowledge and ignorance in your repertoire of communication skills, with their consequent interpersonal strengths and weaknesses. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
Since there's some suspicion about some of the reviews being fake, I thought I'd better write my review. I've had this book for a couple of years now and I've found it particularly useful just this week in dealing with an employee who is a "Yes Person", according to the book. My employee has been overpromising and then not doing what he says he'll do. Weeks pass and still things haven't happened. That's led to a lot of frustration! My initial reaction was to get mad, to want to criticise him, to even consider threatening to fire him.
The book helps me understand WHY he's doing this -- he takes on too much and he'll tell you whatever he thinks you want to hear because he's a people pleaser and wants approval -- and HOW to deal with it: don't criticise (it'll just make him withdraw or passive aggressive), recognise his well-meaning intentions, encourage him to talk honestly about why something didn't get done so he feels he can trust you, then gradually help him organise and plan what he needs to do. It's basically a lack of organisational and task management skills combined with hating to say no that's at fault.
The result has been we've fixed much of the problem and now I've got an employee who is using his huge desire to please to do his job exceptionally well. I've learned to be more focused in his tasks and to encourage regular dialogue as well as give him the praise he needs to feel good. It's for this reason and the other times I've found this book surprisingly insightful that I recommend it. It takes a lot of practice to learn the skills, but they're essential and worth investing the time.
The book helps me understand WHY he's doing this -- he takes on too much and he'll tell you whatever he thinks you want to hear because he's a people pleaser and wants approval -- and HOW to deal with it: don't criticise (it'll just make him withdraw or passive aggressive), recognise his well-meaning intentions, encourage him to talk honestly about why something didn't get done so he feels he can trust you, then gradually help him organise and plan what he needs to do. It's basically a lack of organisational and task management skills combined with hating to say no that's at fault.
The result has been we've fixed much of the problem and now I've got an employee who is using his huge desire to please to do his job exceptionally well. I've learned to be more focused in his tasks and to encourage regular dialogue as well as give him the praise he needs to feel good. It's for this reason and the other times I've found this book surprisingly insightful that I recommend it. It takes a lot of practice to learn the skills, but they're essential and worth investing the time.
39 of 45 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I first read this book about 3 or 4 years ago when trying to improve management/people skills, and found it excellent in shedding light on all sorts of troublesome behaviour at work and at home. It also helped me to deal positively with the problem people and behaviours we all encounter from time to time. I now keep going back to it, particularly when I come across a situation I'm finding difficult, at home or at work. Its brilliant for explaining why people behave as they do, and for suggesting tactics to deal - and it works! I cannot recommend more highly for anyone struggling to understand and deal with an unreasonable boss, a moody secretary, a moaning employee, an angry customer or a difficult teenager.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I found myself reading this and could relate to much of what was written in this text due to ups and downs and roundabouts in my own career. It gives a framework which seems somewhat based on an adapted version of the Myer-Briggs Indicator archetypes giving a indication of what the motivations and intents of the difficult person are or where they are coming from. I certainly recognized many of the figures from real life situations - the tank, the sniper etc. Certainly I feel that if you have difficult co-workers or difficult people to deal with regularly and your life experience hasn't prepared you for these characters you will get some good tips here for conversational techniques and strategies to interrupt them or get to the point of the cause of their behaviour. Put into practice there are some very useful techniques in this book. On the downside the techniques presented for some characters seemed a bit limited with only 3 or 4 potential strategies and so if you are struggling with such people it might be good to read this book in conjunction with other similar books to give a broader view and break you out of the 12 archetypes it presents, some I summarize here Tank(aggressive shouter) Sniper(Sleights), Yes man, No Man, Whiner etc etc.
Whilst it gives conversational strategies it also does not look at overall situations or miachevellian machinations of co-workers/management which one will need to be aware of, so is limited in this respect - it focussed more on dealing directly on the spot with such exasperating people - but it is not so good at teaching how to do deal with 'office politics - dirty tricks' such as being set up etc - difficult strategic situations.
But as part of personal development, I'd highly recommend this book and felt I'd learned quite a bit from it.
Whilst it gives conversational strategies it also does not look at overall situations or miachevellian machinations of co-workers/management which one will need to be aware of, so is limited in this respect - it focussed more on dealing directly on the spot with such exasperating people - but it is not so good at teaching how to do deal with 'office politics - dirty tricks' such as being set up etc - difficult strategic situations.
But as part of personal development, I'd highly recommend this book and felt I'd learned quite a bit from it.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
Put it on your desk!
I also read this book a few years back and found it very helpful and encouraged me to think about the other person and their motivations. Read more
Published 1 month ago by hanette
entertaining and very helpful
This is an excellent book for anyone looking to improve their teamworking skills and relationships with others. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Ms. C. Knight
Very effective
This is certainly the best buy anyone could have, and the title of the book came in handy when faced with a particularly tetchy fellow passenger on the bus. Read more
Published on 1 Jan 2010 by Ms. Maria E. Kowalska
fake
Most of these reviews sound fake - e.g. how can somebody who has "thumbed" through a book be qualified to write a review? Read more
Published on 4 Sep 2009 by Publicis
Good useful book
A useful book and has some very good ideas to help. Have found it useful when dealing with people who work in a customer sevice environment.
Published on 8 Feb 2009 by Cathey B
Reviewer, Sunshine14 is spot on!
I didn't actually come on here to review this book (I've only read a few pages - that says it all really), I came on here to relist my copy on Amazon's Marketplace because I'm... Read more
Published on 16 Mar 2008 by Misty
What an excellent book!
I've just received this book and thumbed through it and can see people in my office in this book. Can't wait to read it properly. Read more
Published on 12 Oct 2007 by Pauline
DIFFICULT PEOPLE
This is both an entertaining and practical book for dealing with all these "difficult" people we come in contact with. Read more
Published on 28 May 2007 by Mr. Alasdair B. Gordon
Ignore everyone else!!!
What the F? All these reviews are from the same person - surely not?
The Author maybe?
Bloody Internet - can't trust it! Read more
The Author maybe?
Bloody Internet - can't trust it! Read more
Published on 27 May 2007 by Sunshine14
How To Cope With The Trouble Making Boss.
I have come to realize, that on any job you have. There will be a boss or even bosses that you just can't stand. This is certainly true with me. Read more
Published on 25 July 1999
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