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Dealing with People You Can't Stand, Revised and Expanded Third Edition: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst [Paperback]

Dr. Rick Brinkman , Dr. Rick Kirschner
4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (31 customer reviews)
RRP: 11.99
Price: 8.39 & FREE Delivery in the UK on orders over 10. Details
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Book Description

1 July 2012

The classic guide to bringing out the best in people at their worst—updated with even more can’t-standable people!

Dealing with People You Can’t Stand has been helping good people deal with bad behavior in a positive, professional way for nearly two decades.

Unfortunately, as the world becomes smaller and time more compressed, new difficult people are being made all the time. So Kirschner and Brinkman have updated their global bestseller to help you wring positive results from even the most twisted interactions you’re likely to experience today.

Learn how to get things done and get along when you’re dealing with people who have the uncanny ability to sabotage, derail, and interfere with your plans, needs, and wants. Learn how to:

  • Use sophisticated listening techniques to unlock the doors to people’ s minds, hearts, and deepest needs
  • Apply “take-charge” skills that turn conflict into cooperation by reducing the differences between people
  • Transform the destructive behavior of Tanks, Snipers, Know-It-Alls, Whiners, Martyrs, Meddlers, and other difficult types of people

Whether you’re dealing with a coworker trying to take credit for your work, a distant family member who knows no personal bounds, or a loud cell phone talker on line at the grocery store, Dealing with People You Can’t Stand gives you the tools for bringing out the best in people at their worst.


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Dealing with People You Can't Stand, Revised and Expanded Third Edition: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst + Perfect Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People: Hundreds of Ready-to-Use Phrases for Handling Conflict, Confrontations and Challenging Personalities (Perfect Phrases) + Water Off a Duck's Back: How to Deal with Frustrating Situations, Awkward, Exasperating and Manipulative People and... Keep Smiling!
Price For All Three: 26.62

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Product details

  • Paperback: 288 pages
  • Publisher: McGraw-Hill Professional; 3 edition (1 July 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0071785728
  • ISBN-13: 978-0071785723
  • Product Dimensions: 22.6 x 15 x 2 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (31 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 174,122 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Authors

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Product Description

About the Author

Dr. Rick Kirschner and Dr. Rick Brinkman are naturopathic physicians, professional speakers, and trainers.


Inside This Book (Learn More)
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt
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Customer Reviews

4.1 out of 5 stars
4.1 out of 5 stars
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Useful and amusing 22 Mar 2013
By Alison TOP 500 REVIEWER
Format:Paperback|Vine Customer Review of Free Product (What's this?)
The book covers the 13 most annoying and unwanted people that you might deal with at work!

PART 1 is an introduction and includes the following chapters:
Chapter 1 gives an overview of the 13 characters by giving short stories which illustrate their major personality characteristics.
Chapter 2 aims to give some understanding of human behaviours and aligns them to assertiveness (passive to aggressive) and focus (people to task) and then shows the zones of intent. If the intent changes, so does the behaviour.
Chapter 3 discusses how threatened people lead to difficult behaviours.

PART 2 is about communication:
Chapter 4 looks at conflict and cooperation.
Chapter 5 is about listening.
Chapter 6 is about understanding intent and point of view
Chapter 7 covers how we speak and how that can influence outcomes.
Chapter 8 is really about giving people the benefit of the doubt and answering positively - have positive expectations and receive positive outcomes.
Chapter 9 is about how to change your own attitude and reactions.

PART 3 is about bringing out the best in people:
Chapters 10 - 22 cover the different types of people
Chapter 23 looks at what type of person you might be and how you might be someone that others can't stand!

PART 4 is about communicating in a digital world:
Chapter 24 is about the challenge of technology
Chapter 25 is about communicating on the telephone
Chapter 26 is about email communication

The book concludes with an afterword about applying the steps covered in the book.

Some of the annoying people covered in the book are very extreme and often a little one-dimensional.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Fascinating 23 May 2013
By Beansmummy TOP 500 REVIEWER VINE VOICE
Format:Paperback|Vine Customer Review of Free Product (What's this?)
Not usually one for self-help books, I was nonetheless intrigued by this. As an employer, directly responsible for teams of staff, it can be difficult to know how to deal with people who are making themselves awkward, so this looked promising.

The authors describe 4 main motivators driving people's behaviours, and paint examples of when this behaviour becomes extreme ("the tank", "the meddler" etc). It is quite scary to recognise one's own past behaviours in the descriptions they give, but also very useful! They look at how to recognise these behaviours and the motivation behind them. They go on to cover ways of dealing with these challenges day to day.

It is rather annoyingly American, and rather formulaic in the use of named cariacatures to illustrate the behaviours. Despite this it is an easy read, and you do not find yourself struggling through pages of turgid psychology.

For me, two useful things have resulted from reading this. 1: I have been able, already on several occasions, to respond more appropriately to colleagues and staff throwing wobblies. 2: I have recognised some of these traits in myself, which has allowed me to suppress behaviours less conducive to happy working relationships.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
By S. P. Moses VINE VOICE
Format:Paperback|Vine Customer Review of Free Product (What's this?)
This book starts by identifying 10 specific behaviour patterns that people adopt, followed by three patterns most likely to be problematic in families. If you can recognise the difficult person in your life in one of these descriptions then that alone would provide some solace, sadly I don't think life is always that simple.

This book explains that when dealing with difficult people you have four broad approaches you can: stay and do nothing; vote with your feet; change your attitude or change your behaviour. None of the advice offered is revelatory, but sometimes the obvious isn't obvious until you've had it pointed out to you.

Once difficult people have been categorised, the book explores how to improve communication. I liked the idea of blending, when one reduces the difference between yourself and another person. The book also recommends things like backtracking, clarifying and summarising what you've heard. As long as you can still sound natural it can be helpful to have an emotional roadmap like this to follow.

The writing style is chatty and anecdotal. The light-hearted approach might be seen as irritating to some. I would have preferred a more concise style, while there are insights on offer sometimes I felt as if I was wading through waffle to get to the nuggets. The authors are American, something that is clear from the writing style and the case studies. There are diagrams and plenty of black and white 'humourous' illustrations. I particularly liked the quick summary at the end of each chapter.
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Good guide but... 27 Dec 2012
Format:Paperback|Vine Customer Review of Free Product (What's this?)
This book is quite a good guide to using communication skills for a variety of problematic people all of us typically encounter at work and in our personal lives. It's well structured, breaks each problem person into clear categories and gives good examples on how to deal with each category of difficult people.

However, I found that the categorisation is oversimplified in places and will only help you deal with problem people if their behaviours are mostly personality driven. Although this book does say that behaviours change depending on the situation, I would still say that most of the time behaviours will be personality driven regardless of a situation. So, this book might help you deal with certain personalities.

The downside is that, unfortunately, at work you also deal with many psychos whose difficult behaviour doesn't stem simply from issues that are concerned with getting things done, getting things right, getting along or getting appreciated. Many issues we encounter in a workplace are political agendas that can't be resolved through improved communication. Yes, even political agendas are concerned with getting things done or getting them right but whether you get on with certain people at work isn't always an emotional issue. Sometimes if your agendas are aligned, you will get along with the most difficult people even with little or no communication skills simply because you are on the same side. Equally, sometimes you can hate the most charming, normally easy to get along with people, just because your agendas aren't aligned.

Overall, it's a good book but don't expect to find an answer to every problem here. I am sure you wouldn't anyway but giving it 4 stars because I did feel it was oversimplified.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars informative
A lot of good information on personality traits but written in a light hearted, non patronising way. Worth a read.
Published 4 months ago by Thomas D
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book
I come back to this book time and again whenever I rub up against difficult colleagues. Aggressive, manipulating, intimidating, this book gives you real strength to deal with them... Read more
Published 4 months ago by Holly Mitchell
4.0 out of 5 stars Full of the best tips!
How to annoy people in the office is something we all have to do from time to time. Usually we resort to the same old strategies that have worked people up into a palpable frenzy... Read more
Published 13 months ago by Mr J B-M
4.0 out of 5 stars Seemed helpful but in practise I'm struggling to implement it
I should begin by saying that I feel that I'm at fault here not the book. The book was light, funny and extensive in the advice it gave

I requested it because of the... Read more
Published 13 months ago by L. Day
4.0 out of 5 stars A classic .. but ...
This book has been around a while now. It is genuinely a classic of its type, with little competition. Read more
Published 14 months ago by Clarke
4.0 out of 5 stars Interesting take on the subject
Working as part of a team isn't always easy and I found it quite interesting to read this book, bearing in mind my own experiences. Read more
Published 14 months ago by Nicolette Laurence
4.0 out of 5 stars Dedicated to global peace
I'm a bit sceptical of self help books but this was fun and lighthearted. I seem to be at a lucky stage of life where there is no-one I can't stand around me (if all else fails go... Read more
Published 14 months ago by debbie8355
3.0 out of 5 stars Office Environment based Information on People You Can't Stand
The authors of this self help book write in an overly chatty supposedly humorous style that is very American and to me this just buries the advice within it. Read more
Published 14 months ago by elsie purdon
3.0 out of 5 stars And the irony is ....
I "can't stand" how long the authors make you read for before they make any convincing arguments.

Rather than deal with all the personality types simultaneously, which... Read more
Published 14 months ago by Prof TBun
3.0 out of 5 stars Some good ideas
This book contains some good ideas to try to address "challenging" people in the office environment, and some tips on what to do and how to manage situations Along with the... Read more
Published 14 months ago by BusyReader
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