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- Published on Amazon.com
Read DAVE BARRY HITS BELOW THE BELTWAY by, you guessed it,
Dave Barry . . . I've liked just about everything he has written, only
regretting the fact that his columns don't appear in my local
paper . . . this latest effort, designed to be "a vicious and
unprovoked attack on our most cherished political
institutions," succeeds at being that--for the most
part . . . there are some parts that just aren't very
funny, but others more than make up for them.
Even the book jacket had me laughing, especially this one portion:
True, his best-selling collections of columns are legendary, but it is his wholly original books, like this one, that reveal him as an American icon. DAVE BARRY SLEPT HERE was his version of American history. DAVE BARRY DOES JAPAN was a contribution to international peace and understanding from which Japan has not yet fully recovered. DAVE BARRY'S COMPLETE GUIDE TO GUYS is among the best-read volumes in rehab centers and prisons. And now, with his take on American politics and, especially, Washington, DC, he takes his place with de Tocqueville and Larry King as a truly infamous explicator and commentator on the process by which we find, fun, and . . . (fill in your own four-letter word here) our pols and public servants.
There were many other passages that had me laughing; among them:
Democrats frankly cannot imagine giving and of it back to us; they would infinitely rather invent new programs that they feel we need. When there's a debate between two Democratic candidates, it sounds like this:
FIRST DEMOCRAT: I would guarantee affordable medical care for every American!
SECOND DEMOCRAT: Well, I would guarantee free medical care for every American!
FIRST DEMOCRAT: Oh yeah? Well I would guarantee free medical car for everybody in the United States and their pets!
SECOND DEMOCRAT: Oh yeah? Well I would also guarantee free medical care for everybody in Mexico and Canada!
FIRST DEMOCRAT: Oh YEAH? Well I would guarantee free medical care even for people who didn't need it! I would have squads of armed federal employees burst into healthy people's homes and forcibly remove their spleens!
SECOND DEMOCRAT: OH YEAH?! Well, I would dig up dead people and
give them . . .
I'm not saying that sex is the only thing that happens on class trips. As a student visiting the capital, you also learn many important educational lessons, such as:
1.How to moon pedestrians from a moving bus.
2. How to stand in your hotel doorway, teetering back and forth and reeking of beer, and attempt to convince the physical education teacher, Mr. Bomperman--who is wearing, on his left shoulder, a semidigested piece of the pizza you had for dinner--that it may have been a student who looked exactly like you, but it was not, in fact, you, who barfed on him out the hotel window.
3. How important it is--you realize this as the US Capitol police are stripping you for a cavity search-to believe the signs stating that bomb threats, even highly amusing bomb threats, will be taken seriously.
And he book's last paragraph is "classic" Berry:
I also want to state that, despite the sometimes-critical tone of this book, I really do think that the United States is a great country. And despite the good-natured "ribbing" I have given to the US government, in reality I have nothing but the greatest respect for our federal workforce, especially the decent, hardworking, and--in my opinion--grossly underpaid employees of the audit division of the Internal Revenue Service. Thank you.