"PHIL COLLINS - The insidious plot of Genesis to remove their drummer took shape in the early summer of 1975. They first fired their then current singer Mr.Gabriel. Conspiritors Banks, Rutherford & who shall be referred to as 'Hachett', then convinced unwitting drummer Collins that he could sing. Thus with Biblical authority, Genesis removed their drummer."
"RON BUSHY - Original one & only Iron Butterfly drummer Bushy took part in the re-union of 1974. Another album followed in 1975. The band that recorded 'In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida', a drunken reference to In the garden of Eden, never recorded another studio album ever again. Suspicions that they couldn't get back to the garden, the Biblicaly sinister plot continued."
"COZY POWELL - Former Deep Purple guitarist Mr.Blackmore had hired Mr.Powell for his 2nd Rainbow album. Blackmore known to dress suspiciously in black, priest or executioner ? Powell had 3 hits before joining, 'Dance With Devil', 'The Man In Black' & 'Na Na Na'. Recording in a haunted chateau, France. Amid seances, a tortured keyboardist. Blackmore attempted murder, pushed Powell down a stair case."
"MICK FLEETWOOD - The emotional relationships within Fleetwood Mac resulted in the 'Rumours' album, but also affairs, adultery, & divorce, as the male/female line-up was in bed with each other like the drugged cocaine addled sexed up rock stars they actually were. Fleetwood insisted on calling next album after his penis 'Tusk'. Female singer rumoured Welsh witch Nicks started a solo career to cope."
"KEITH MOON - The Who drummer's excess of drugs, booze, women, cars in swimming pools, tvs' out windows, & moonacy, resulted sadly in his death in 1978. That some people started to question the other members over their involvement in Mr.Moon's death. Supposedly forcing the innocent Mr.Moon to take drugs, drink & driving him insane. The case still remains unsolved."
"IAN PAICE - Deep Purple split in 1976, Mr.Paice was the greatest drummer on the planet. Unfortunately forming a band with well known drunk Mr.Ashton & sinister cohort always seen wearing black shades Mr.Lord. After 1 album Paice had to give up drumming due to mysterious circumstances, voodoo curses or black magic possibly. The problem was compounded, Paice joined Whitesnake, never to recover."
"NICK MASON - When Pink Floyd recorded The Wall, the only thing the rest of the musicians had to do was obey the dark dictatorship of Roger Waters. He wrote Mr.Mason along with the rest of them out of the band, but created The Wall."
"JOHN BONHAM - Led Zeppelin drummer sadly died in 1980 of drink, drugs, & excess, choking on his own vomit. The Satanism, Buddhism, car accident, death & refusal to release singles in the UK. A Top Of The Pops curse has been rumoured, thus bringing the mighty Zeppelin crashing and burning to earth. Any resemblance to previous Zeppelins is purely co-incidental."
"BILL WARD - After years as the drunk drummer with the Satanic, drunken, drugged Black Sabbath, Mr.Ward had to leave in 1980. He returned for ex-Christ Mr.Gillan to desicrate the Sabbath with the Purple. And they were 'born again'. The Satanic Bible crime continued."
"BEV BEVAN - Forced to record 'The Diary Of Horace Wimp' with ELO, got a severe stomach ache, was rushed to hospital, then decided to join Black Sabbath as replacement for the drunken & unwell Mr.Ward."
"CHARLIE WATTS - Rolling Stones drummer seen, possibly card board cut-out hoax perpetrated to give band mystique of supernatural dark powers. This though proved a hoax itself, to replace secretly Mr.Watts with a real cardboard cut-out. Thus making the Glimmer Twins sole controllers of the band."
"NEIL PEART - Rush drummer rumoured to have been seen writing lyrics for all the Rush albums. Seen wandering around muttering 'we are in control', furtively correcting it to 'I am in control'. His telepathic brain control powers of the guitarist & bass player/vocalist were then complete. The drummers have claimed back there rightful place as masters."