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The Crying Pennant (Book 1 of The Arth Series)
 
 

The Crying Pennant (Book 1 of The Arth Series) [Kindle Edition]

Stephen Jennison-Smith
4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)

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Product Description

Product Description

King Arthur, the conceited battle chieftain of legend, and his trusty Man-at-Arms Biggs, who resents his king and friend, encounter a dwarf through a mistake. Together they meet an effeminate elf, a Chinese children's entertainer, a monk of the short order and a Fully armoured war horse then accept a mission to rescue two princesses from a D'ark Lord, defeat him and slay a dragon. This would be quite straight forward if the pompous king and his band of chums took things seriously, which they don't! Be prepared for fun and silliness in this fantasy/science fiction novel, the first in the Arth Series.

A Sample

“Biggs, why have you come to this gloomy and dismal place, it is rumoured to be the haunt of dark and dire monsters,” Arthur quipped.

“Stop quipping Arthur, you’re getting on my nerves,” muttered Biggs.

“Well if you stopped muttering maybe I wouldn’t have to quip!” quipped Arthur again as he sidled up to Biggs.

“That’s it, I can’t stand it when you sidle. Look at that you’ve sidled right up to my side. You side sidler you,” Biggs retorted to Arthur’s quipping and sidling.

“You’ve got about as much courage in this place as a hypochondriac hamster, you filibustering philanthropist,” Arthur again quipped forcefully.

“Stop getting verbose with me or I’ll take your quip off you,” Biggs parried, thrusted and came to rest upon a metaphor.

“Just what kind of English do you think that is,” said Arthur, talking this time to the author.

I did not wish to answer my creation so I continued typing, hoping that the latter could be as good as the former.

“He’s just pig ignorant,” suggested Biggs, I resenting it as, even now, I typed it.

“That fellow on the word processor has put us into this dark and dismal place and I don’t like it,” blubbed Biggs with a kind of big blubbing noise.

I decided to speak up, “Look you two, I’m in charge of this book so just do what I type!” (I thought that would tell them.)

“Of course you know we can read Mr. Author sir, so we know what you think on paper,” whined Arthur.











“Well he’s left a few lines free so maybe he’s not going to interject in our lives anymore,” Biggs said.

Then Arthur said, “Okay then Biggs, let’s explore this dark and dismal place, have you got the lantern?”

“Of course I’ve got the lantern,” Biggs struck the flint against the stone. “I wouldn’t strike the flint against the stone, my character just wouldn’t do such a silly thing,” said Biggs in a self righteous tone.


“Don’t get all self righteous on us now Biggs. Just light the lamp in a common sense sort of way.”
So in a common sense sort of way Biggs lit the lamp.
“It’s dark.”
“I know it’s dark.”
“Even with the light on it’s dark.”
A pause.
“I’m getting muddled up with who’s spaking.”
“Who’s spaking,” quibbled Biggs, “can’t you spell correctly Author?”
“Correctly,” I typed.
“That’s it Mr. Author sir, if you don’t stop trying to be funny I’m going to make a complaint to the funny characters union.”
“Sorry,” I said.
“Oh look there’s a dark, mildew coated, metal studded, green lacquered, warped and flea bitten oak door. It wasn’t there just now. I bet that author just put it there,” bibbled Quiggs. “Oi! Get the name right B I G G S not Quiggs,” corrected Biggs.
“What, you mean that dark, mildew coated, metal studded, green lacquered, warped and flea bitten oak door to the left or the dark, mildew coated, metal studded, green lacquered, warped and flea bitten door to the right?” questioned Arthur, as he looked from side to side.
“It’s that author again Arthur, he’s messing around again, that door wasn’t there just now.”
“What you mean the dark, mildew coated, metal....”
“Shut up Arthur just go through the door on the right, the one we saw first.”
“That’s a fine way to talk to your lord and master, I must say.”

Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 156 KB
  • Print Length: 86 pages
  • Sold by: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B0056I5UAG
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #616,054 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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More About the Author

I need to say something funny.

"Something funny."

Now that's a direct quote, you can even use it if you want!

I have written 18 books so far, and the role playing game Victorian Adventure.

The Crying Pennant was published by Haford leisure in 1996 and was online for 2 years. The book is humorous and parodies D&D and 'The Lord of the Rings' and fantasy in general. I decided to write the sequel based in the science fiction dimension, then another and have now finished the seventh in the series. There are other collections of stories based in the Arth universe that you can look out for. My flash fiction is on Wattpad, you can find short stories and flash fiction there as well as works in progress. (stephenjennisonsmith)

Kendra is a Christian fantasy about a Nephilim, a half angel, who lives in the Bosom of Abraham and travels to the earth. The sequel is called 'The 24' and I am working on the third called 'Kendra and the Wolf-Master'.

The Theran Chronicles starts with The Sun Thief. I have used my daughter's Victorian Adventure character to star in this adventure. I have written the second and third in the trilogy and a couple of novelettes.

Most needed item for Christmas 2014 is still a wind up toothbrush :)

Customer Reviews

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4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5 stars
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars Cool!! 2 Jan 2013
By Nerd
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
This book was really interesting, I love the different perspective and the way the characters interact with each other :)
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1 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious 22 Jun 2011
Format:Kindle Edition
I'm not much of a fantasy reader, so when I was given a copy of the book I was uncertain about it. In the end I read it in an afternoon with eagerness. The characters are engaging and funny, and the author's here&there with the 4th wall is well orchestrated.

Bring on the rest :)
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1 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Pure awesomness! Highly recommended 7 Oct 2011
Format:Kindle Edition
A very clever written work of humor. Very inspired on Monty Python, and that is always a good thing. Funny characters and situations. But what i found most brilliant was his writing style. The twist on fantasy cliches is just pure genious. So, if you like humor, Monty python (holy grail) and well written books, this is for you! I highly recommend it.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com: 5.0 out of 5 stars  2 reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Fanastic Book 29 Jan 2012
By Daniel Zazitski - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I've just finished reading this book on my Kindle for PC app and have to say it's a really good read. I highly recommend this book to anyone.
5.0 out of 5 stars Highly recommended 5 Oct 2011
By J. Matos - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
A very clever written work of humor. Very inspired on Monty Python, and that is always a good thing. Funny characters and situations. But what i found most brilliant was his writing style. The twist on fantasy cliches is just pure genious. So, if you like humor, Monty python (holy grail) and well written books, this is for you! I highly recommend it.
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