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Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand and Deal with People Who Try to Control You (Paperback)

by Patricia Evans (Author) "Have you ever been puzzled or disturbed by the behavior of a family member, friend, or coworker and found yourself wondering, What's going on? ..." (more)

3.9 out of 5 stars See all reviews (12 customer reviews)

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In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People by George K Simon
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Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry by Albert J. Bernstein
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Product details

Paperback: 352 pages
Publisher: Adams Media Corporation (20 April 2001)
Language English
ISBN-10: 158062569X
ISBN-13: 978-1580625692
Product Dimensions: 21.3 x 14 x 2.3 cm

Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars See all reviews (12 customer reviews)

Amazon.co.uk Sales Rank: 29,836 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)
Popular in this category:
#38 in Books > Health, Family & Lifestyle > Psychology & Psychiatry > Cognition & Cognitive Psychology > The Self, Ego & Personality

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Product Description

Review

"...the most important thing is to realize that you don't deserve to be treated that way."-Oprah Winfrey (advance praise for Controlling People); "A groundbreaking new book."-Newsweek

Product Description

Learn how to 'break the spell' of control with Patricia Evans' new bestseller. Already hailed by Oprah Winfrey, Controlling People deals with issues big and small - revealing the thought processes of those who seek to control in order to provide a 'spell-breaking' mind-set for those who suffer this insidious manipulation. Invaluable insight and advice for those who seek support.

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First Sentence
Have you ever been puzzled or disturbed by the behavior of a family member, friend, or coworker and found yourself wondering, What's going on? Read the first page

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	42% buy the item featured on this page: Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand and Deal with People Who Try to Control You 3.9 out of 5 stars (12) �5.49
	21% buy In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People 4.6 out of 5 stars (19) �8.19
	16% buy Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men 5.0 out of 5 stars (47) �7.78
	11% buy Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry 3.3 out of 5 stars (9) �6.98

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Customer Reviews

12 Reviews

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Average Customer Review

3.9 out of 5 stars (12 customer reviews)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

33 of 34 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars But Please Balance the books!, 26 Aug 2006

By	MyLittleEye (UK) - See all my reviews

This book is has given me many useful insights into the whys and hows of emotionally abusive behaviour. The other reviewers here have effectively listed it's many plus points.

However, the title says "How to Recognize, Understand and *Deal* with People Who Try to Control You

I had hoped for more concrete methods described in the dealing with controllers aspect. The book's concluding chapters seemed to me to consist of many quotes from people congratulating either themselves or Evans on having 'broken the spell'. I found it hard to distil firm techniques that would help me practice spellbreaking. The abuse I witness is very subtle and hard to pin down and confront in the workplace and the methods mentioned seem to me best suited for "In your face" abuse.

Finally so many books and websites on abuse and bullying are overtly gender biased and Patricia Evan's book is no exception. I think a better balanced insight could have been gained from illustrating the patterns of control and abuse with more examples of people abused by female partners or colleagues. When the "typical" gender dynamic is reversed it really does highlight the power and recurring pattern of controlling abusive behaviour.

The path to becoming an abuser is not a "Man thing". It can flow from mother to daughter from wife to husband, even employee to boss! Being a target of abuse is not the female prerogative.
Myself, my father, my partner and her father, have all been the objects of "control connections" from spellbound women and those women in turn were the victims of maternal abuse and neglect.

I feel the book's bias is disingenous because I would have thought it more empowering to recognise and emphasise that abusive behaviour is not gender specific but that it is simply it's own self-perpetuating legacy. More examples of female to male or same gender incidents could've illustrated her points as well as, if not better than the limited spectrum of "typical" abusive relationships she presents.

Also many men, my father included, remain in denial (spellbound) about their situation. This is a good book but it's predominately female perspective still allows him to say "This doesn't apply to me" or worse "It *is* my fault - I'm the abuser!"

Despite these misgivings I will still be recommending "Controlling people" to friends and relatives who have found themselves in the thrall of "spellbound" behaviour.

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14 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Clearing out the pretense, 2 Jan 2003

By A Customer

An exceptional book. A good analysis of the mechanisms of control and abuse, and "how to break the spell" I have been subject to verbal, emotional and mental abuse in a past relationship. This book helped me understand what was wrong then, and also why my current relationship works so well. However, the theory has much deeper application than is discussed. Many forms of mental illness and personality disorder fit the mould, and all forms of abuse, including sexual, can be interpreted in terms of "pretend people"

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24 of 26 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Controlling People, 9 Dec 2003

By	Christina Schertiger Riis (Copenhagen V, Denmark) - See all my reviews

Either you get it, or you don't ! I've heard this a million times, and I always thought is was a silly thing to say - as that goes with out saying.......
But it just doesn't. This book has turned my life upside down - because, now... I get it ! Before I just thought I got it, but I had no idea about "what" I should be getting. Controlling People, explains a theory about how and why people relate to each other. This insight is of cause "just" a theory, but none the less - to me it makes perfect sense and I know that I will carry this theory with me from this day forward. This is a book equally for people who like to contemplate about the "why's" in life, and for those who need help finding their own personal boundaries.
The book is fairly easy read, and has some practical guidelines at the end, for those who might need that. Read it - I hope you "get" it ;-)

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Most Recent Customer Reviews

4.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book but cautious consideration required
Patricia brilliantly explains the mechanics of controlling behaviour and generally how to respond to it. Read more

Published 16 days ago by Kevin Yeandel

1.0 out of 5 stars controlling people by pat evans
The book did not arrive by the date 17th of july and i still have not received it despite sending e mails so >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Published 3 months ago by Dostoyesky

1.0 out of 5 stars Repetitive, slight, self-indulgent. Disappointing.
Rather a dreary, self-important little book, and not as clever as it thinks it is. There are far better things you could read. Read more

Published 4 months ago by L. Rawes

4.0 out of 5 stars Great with some big gaps
In describing how the controlling mindset works, this is the best book I've ever read: clear in its theories, insightful, convincing, perceptive and not unsympathetic to the... Read more

Published 6 months ago by Hello

5.0 out of 5 stars Controlling People - be prepared to be enlightened!
This book really opened up my eyes to a recent 9 year relationship that just ended. I thought I was going mad at the end - nothing I did seemed to be right and I lived in fear of... Read more

Published on 28 Jul 2005 by millymox

4.0 out of 5 stars good book about bullying
Although I am normally sceptical about self-help books, I bought this hoping to understand a bit more about bullying from the perspective of the bully and the bullied. Read more

Published on 20 Mar 2004

5.0 out of 5 stars A book for anyone who's ever felt bullied
A life changing book that helped me to understand what makes certain people try to control and why others allow themselves to become controlled. Read more

Published on 1 Mar 2004

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent
This is an excellent book - it helps to wake up and cease living in a dreams (or nightmare). I'd recommend it together with Anthony DeMello's Awareness and Eckhart Tolle's Power... Read more

Published on 16 May 2003

4.0 out of 5 stars Getting Inside the Head of the Controller
Patricia Evans takes us on a journey - a psychological journey into the muddled, spell- bound mind of a controller. Read more

Published on 25 Jul 2002 by S Johnston

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