Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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47 of 59 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
one size can't fit all, 5 Oct 2008
The claims made for this book are far too wide and the best bits of the approach are not new. For instance it is now widely known that you should not argue with someone with dementia who has become lost in time and space, but "go with the flow". (Reorientation only works in the early stages, and with great respect and tact). This approach will not work in later stages, as seen in the documentary Malcolm and Barbara. This approach will not prevent people who survive eventually having severe brain damage with little ability to respond. By all means let's throw away the stressful attempts to drag someone into our world. And let's know the person well so that we can communicate for as long as possible. But I am sad that the expectations aroused by this book are liable to disappointment. Of course people bying this book are probably desperate for something that they think is going to be a magic wand. I wish it were true. I have personal experience of looking after people with dementia. There is a positive side to care, but this book is not enough: you can't just impose a solution.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
can transform people's lives, 29 Jun 2009
Practical, helpful, sensitive, comforting, illuminating, brilliant, constructive - yes, it is all that, and more. Don't take (too much) notice of the negative reviewers as you really shouldn't miss this book. Infused with compassion and kindness (RARE qualities these days), the advice was developed by someone who clearly has a talent for non-confrontation and small talk, both of which it is wise to learn early on in your loved one's journey of confusion. Whether it is called dementia, alzheimer, memory loss, forgetfulness doesn't matter to those of us who are in pain watching our loved one deteriorate and struggle with their new and unfamiliar circumstances, and who want to find ways to make it hurt less - for them as well as ourselves.
This refreshingly positive book immediately takes away a lot of the suffering, and the judgments, for both "sides", at least in the earlier stages. We cannot (yet) speak about later stages but we feel SO different about the situation after reading this book - we've now read a great deal about memory matters and can vouch for the fact that no "expert" in clinical practice has made anything like the kinds of loving and caring PRACTICAL suggestions and procedures spelled out in this book, which we started putting into practice immediately. So what if it seems like "infantilising" the sufferer, who in our experience certainly did not feel we were doing this but who immediately brightened up and was much happier with our new approach.
As indicated in real-life stories given in the book, we also have noticed (from carers sharing stories at support groups) that the sufferer's partner is likely to find it very difficult to accept what is happening or to readily adopt the methods set out in this book. It IS hard to change the relationship habits of a long lifetime and the carer-partner is likely to have health challenges as well, which can make things even more difficult. The book is as much for them as for the direct victim of this horrible, slow-acting plague.
It can transform (and has actually done so) the experiences of the dementia sufferer and of those around him/her.
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41 of 55 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
An unsettling approach, 21 Sep 2008
I found this book unsettling in its view, in its approach, and in its insistence that this is the One True Way to 'handle' dementia patients. I didn't like the infantilising of those sufferers (notably in its insistence that the programme, which works by means of the carer disappearing into the Looking Glass World of the demented-loved-one and creating and recreating one core situation that meant something to them in the past - for instance by playing along with the idea that they are all working in an office together and it's 1955). I didn't like the idea that this infantilising should commence immediately on diagnosis. I didn't like the idea that this Primary Theme should be supplemented by a Health Theme so that an illness or disability from the past could be invoked to help bring the ill person back down to earth on occasion, from the heights of this shared fantasy. I didn't like the idea that everybody who comes into contact with the ill person should also be drawn into the play acting. I didn't like the dogmatic instructions about what must always and never be done. Questions must never be asked, it says, of the demented person, ever. This seems to me wrong and patronising.
The other thing that must be said is that though this book is keen on branding its approach (and is very keen on acronyms) this is a system that many carers, such as myself, have tried before. We have all of us spent time 'through the looking glass' with our loved ones and immersed ourselves in their world and their altered perceptions. It doesn't always work. The ill person can still be unhappy, hostile, confused, violent, as I know from experience.
The Alzheimer's Society gave this book a poor review and shares some of these concerns, I notice.
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