Conquering Fear: Living Boldly in an Uncertain World [Paperback]

I am reviewing this book as a member of the Amazon Vine Program, which means that I received an advance copy marked "This is an uncorrected proof. It should not be quoted without comparison with the finished book." That said...

...there are a number of books available on the subject of fear. When I ordered this book for review, I also ordered Max Lucado's Fearless: Imagine Your Life Without Fear. No matter where you stand on the issue of fear in your life, there are three variables that will determine what value, if any, books of this type have for you.

1). The circumstances of your life right now, in this very moment. As Christian author A.B. Simpson once wrote, "It is easy to have faith for our needs, and to trust Him (God) when the sun is shining." By the same token, if your life is relatively smooth sailing right now, you can't offer a valid discourse on how you handle fear unless you're afraid of something right now. People generally don't pick up a book on fear unless they're afraid.

2). Your theology. Harold Kushner is Rabbi Laureate of Temple Israel in Natick, Massachusetts. Max Lucado is a minister at Oak Hills Church in San Antonio. There are also secular books on the subject of fear. If you want faith-based discussion of the topic, that's your choice. If you don't, reading either Kushner or Lucado's book and complaining about the constant references to God is an exercise in futility. Read the label before you buy the product.

3). The "voice" of the author covering the subject. Kushner is more pragmatic and analytical in his take on the subject. Lucado, as he will often do in his books, approaches gravity with levity on occasion. Example:

"I'll go with a grande happy-latte, with a dollop of love, sprinkled with Caribbean retirement."

That style of writing, in a book on fear, may inspire you and encourage you. Or, if you're like me, might motivate you to hurl the book through the nearest open window. Look at it this way...when you have an issue in your life, when you're afraid, when you feel like your back is up against the wall, you have people you call for encouragement and people you do not call. If you like Lucado's big brother "Hey, buddy, chill...God's got your back" style, Lucado's your man. I preferred Kushner.

That said, Kushner quotes columnist Liat Collins early in the book: "Perhaps deep down my greatest fear is that if I was to live in fear, I would never get anything done."

That's the foundation of the book, also reflected in the subject line of my review, also drawn from the book. Kushner is not telling you that fear isn't real (as the "False Evidence Appearing Real" crowd would have you believe). He's not telling you that fear is "good" or "bad." Example: Fire that cooks your food is good. Fire that burns down your house is bad. If you can't fix your dinner without being gripped by the fear that you might burn down your house, you have fear issues.

The book is framed by two dynamic chapters, "The Eleventh Commandment" ("Don't Be Afraid") and "Conquering Fear" ("Hope And Courage Are The Will Of God"). In between these two chapters, Kushner addresses a variety of common fears which may or may not have had you in their grasp at one time or another: terrorism (especially post-9/11), natural disasters, rapid change, the fear that humanity will destroy itself, rejection, growing old, and death.

He offers a brilliant example of how obsessive fear can destroy in the "terrorism" chapter.

"An Israeli man whose daughter had been badly burned in the bombing of a school bus was quoted as saying, "There are worse things than dying, and one of them is to live every hour of every day of your life in fear. We are not going to do that.""

The book isn't a magic elixir or pill that you can swallow that will banish fear. Only you can determine how you'll handle it's place in your life. Kushner lays out the effects of fear, particularly its ability to immobilize you and prevent you from any progress in your life. His discussion of God and His role in dealing with your fears is honest, even if it's not what many "God will handle this for me" devotees would like to hear:

"And where does the psalmist get the courage to stand up against enemies and other dangers? It comes from his faith in God, not a God who protects him from all trouble and danger but a God who stands with him in time of trouble and danger so that he never has to feel he is facing his problems alone. To the psalmist, God is the source of light, strength and salvation."

How strong is your personal faith in your own ability to stand firm, face your fears, and survive? Do you gain strength from God as described by Kushner, or do you curse Him for not "fixing" things for you?

This gives you a detailed road map of the journey found in this book. It's for you, or it's not. Only you know for sure.

Many people may recall the philosopher/milkman Tevye from "Fiddler On The Roof". As he made his daily rounds, trying to eke out a living for his wife and daughters from the production of a single cow in an unstable political environment made worse by his being a Jew, Tevye carried on an endless dialog with God. "If I Were A Rich Man" is one of those songs, like "You've Got To Be Taught" from the play "South Pacific" that attempts to encompass a deeply serious subject into a three-minute song.

Rabbi Kushner reminds me of the man I imagine Tevye would like to have been able to talk with.

Kushner does not attempt to tell the reader how to rid their lives of fear. It is more of a "live with it" approach. He talks about the varieties of fear - well, more like some of the common fears shared by many people, such as the fear of aging and of death, fear of losing a job or a love and so on.

Kushner takes on the role of philosopher in these pages, not that of a therapist - or even much of a helper.

Overall, I didn't particularly care for Kushner's approach. With no disrespect intended, I find much of his writing trite. In the chapter on the fear of growing old, a subject I know well since I am indeed growing old, he offers this: "My advice to the woman who is afraid that age will wither her beauty would be to make sure that there are people in your life who knew you at your loveliest and still see you that way." Virtually the entire book is composed of sage advice on this level.

On the other hand, Kushner is something of a delight to read - and would probably be even more delightful to engage in discussion. He has an easy style and writes clearly on a broad array of subjects. He constantly references third-parties, far too many of whom are contemporary celebrities. (I am also handicapped in reading this book by Kushner's frequent use of a religious context: logical for him since he is a Rabbi. I, however, am not religious and am not comfortable with handing off responsibility to unseen, unknowable forces. To paraphrase Freud, sometimes life is just life.)

So on the whole, I didn't come away with a lot from this book, but my mind wasn't empty either. I think that Kushner, like chopped liver and caviar, may be an acquired taste. Kushner talks about the problem of fear, tells you that you aren't alone, pats you on the back and sends you on your own way.

Jerry

"Conquering Fear" is the latest offering from Rabbi Harold Kushner, whose books are known for their comforting, accessible guidance. One of Kushner's gifts is his ability to present theological aspects of human situations in a manner which can be easily absorbed by most readers. This book, like his others, can be read quickly or slowly depending on how much time you want to devote to pondering what he has written. In this book, Kushner tackles fear in all its forms: from our national fears of terrorism to our helplessness and fear in the face of hurricanes and other natural disasters to the very personal fears of loss of jobs or loss of love. He builds to the ultimate fear: death. His premise is that fear is always going to be there-- we must find ways to cope with it and look beyond and above the fear.

This is a comforting book and enjoyable to read, particularly if you are seeking religious or spiritual explanations of life. I call this kind of book a "3:00 am book" referring to F. Scott Fitzgerald's quote that "in the real dark night of the soul it's always 3:00 in the morning." It's the kind of book you can pick up when your mind is racing or you can't sleep, and it will calm you. It is not really a self-help book designed to give you "10 tips for dealing with your fears"-- rather the help comes in the form of comfort and wisdom and a more peaceful sense of self.

If you are looking for something that will help you cope with fear or anxiety on a more psychological level, I recommend Dr. David Burns' book, When Panic Attacks: The New, Drug-Free Anxiety Therapy That Can Change Your Life. Also, if you're looking for a non-religious, yet spiritual and thoughtful book that will help you build the kind of life perspective that takes away fear, try this excellent book Learning to Fall: The Blessings of an Imperfect Life.