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Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You'll Love to Live with [Paperback]

Bonnie Harris
5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
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Book Description

28 Sep 2008

When a child believes he is bad, he behaves badly—and parents react badly, which will only reinforce the child's belief that he is bad. But confident parents can break this cycle and improve their child's misbehavior, says child development specialist Bonnie Harris. Using Harris's eight parenting principles designed to help children succeed, parents will learn the following truths:

  • my child wants to be successful
  • behavior is the signal to my child's emotional state
  • inappropriate behavior means my child is having a problem, not being a problem
  • my needs are no more or no less important than my child's
  • I accept my child as a competent and unique individual
  • the behavior I focus on grows
  • I need to say what my child can hear
  • good discipline requires connection
  • punishment breaks connection
Putting these principles to work allows parents to abandon the typical reward and punishment system of discipline (which alienates child and parent), and replace it with a more compassionate, successful approach that brings parent and child together. With Harris's plan, parents will gain the confidence and skills to raise remarkable kids they will love to live with—and vice versa.

Frequently Bought Together

Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You'll Love to Live with + When Your Kids Push Your Buttons: And what you can do about it + How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk
Price For All Three: £26.30

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Product details

  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Adams Media Corporation (28 Sep 2008)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1598694715
  • ISBN-13: 978-1598694710
  • Product Dimensions: 20.3 x 14 x 1.9 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 279,658 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Product Description

About the Author

Bonnie Harris holds a master's degree in Early Childhood Education with a specialization in parent/child development. She's appeared on TODAY and she's been interviewed on other television and radioshows, and in the New York Times. She's written a feature for Working Mother. She is the mother of two 20-somethings and lives in New Hampshire.

Inside This Book (Learn More)
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant! 14 Feb 2012
By Vee
I borrowed this book 2 years ago from the library amongst many other parenting books and this one helped me enormously with my son so I have bought a copy for my daughter when she gets to that challenging age all toddlers / children get to.

I found the whole
aspect of the child having a problem rather than being one extremely helpful. Whenever we found ourselves in a battle of wills I remembered this and it made me more sympathetic rather than reactive.
Also the concept of who owns the problem, you or the child, this often applies. When the child is actually behaving just like a child should but it's the adult who feels uncomfortable and punishes the child for his/her own feelings rather than allowing thr child to be a child and being aware enough to take responsibilty for ones own environment and response to it.

I can not recommend this book enough! I still have the tips I wrote on the fridge when my son was 2 and it still applies now he is 5. He is a well mannered extremely responsible and confident little boy and I have never once 'smacked him' or really raised my voice.

Excellent book for parents.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A very useful book 21 Mar 2009
I am writing this review as a family therapist working with families who have young children - my own children are older now. Knowing Bonnie Harris and her wonderful previous book `When Your Kids Push Your Buttons' I was curious to see what this new book is about.

I was not disappointed- the book is accessible, concise and organised. It does a great job in helping parents better understand their children's needs and perspective. So often we get caught in our own agenda, needing to get things done quickly and expecting immediate obedience from our kids. Bonnie encourages us to take stoke and look at the situation from their point of view. When we have a good understanding of our children's perspective, we are likely to feel compassion instead of resentment, and can concentrate on problem-solving rather than resort to punishment. Bonnie shows how children are different from each other, and how parents can communicate effectively to find solutions to make life easier for their particular family situation.

The book is very clear in structure - it contains eight principles that are then applied to typical family flashpoints such as morning routine, sibling rivalry and homework. A very good read. I will recommend it to my clients together with my own book, of course!
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on (beta) 4.8 out of 5 stars  13 reviews
10 of 11 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A loving wake up call for parents 11 Sep 2008
By Lu Hanessian - Published on
Most parenting books fail to take one major piece into consideration when they are espousing schools of thought, doling out advice or trying to offer parents hope on the journey: how things look...from the child's point of view.
This book nails that piece into place with wisdom, compassion and conviction. We need to stop seeing parenting as something that parents endure, perform well, or struggle with and start taking into account that parenting implies relationship, not a set of hard and fast rules that little people better follow or else. Bonnie Harris is a powerful voice of reason, rhyme and guts, and we all would do well to listen, listen, listen to ourselves from the inside out...and then do the same with our kids. In her book, she makes it clear, without judgment or preachy advice, that our confidence as parents relies on looking bravely in the mirror and seeing our reflection in our child's eyes--and vice versa. A wonderful book.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Another Hit! 8 Sep 2008
By Claire M. Juengst - Published on
It is a great book! I like the way each chapter ends with a summary and the suggested practices. I really believe your basic premise of kids wanting to be successful and the 8 principles are "right on"! We all need to internalize the idea that "the child is not bad; rather the child has bad behavior" and figure out why the behavior is taking place. Your 8 principles get us going in that direction. I liked the idea of trying to focus on what is going right rather than what is going wrong. Other similar ideas that jumped out at me were: Different does not mean wrong and a child is having a problem not being a problem. The eighth principle, "Good Boundaries Mean Good Balance", is a challenge for parents. Parents do want to fix problems so that their children will be happy but as you point out, it isn't always the best way for the child because we are not cultivating mechanisms that they can use in the future.

Adoptive Families Together (AFT) has similar philosophies regarding how we as parents react to our kids' behaviors. They come to us with so much baggage and we must determine what is causing the bad behaviors.

Part 2 is filled with great practical ways to apply the 8 Principles. Chapters 9 to 15 cover all the "hot spots" that occur in everyday life.
2 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Remarkable Advice for Parents 25 Nov 2008
By Margaret C. Hunt - Published on
Bonnie Harris has produced quality advice for parents yet again: a worthy follow up to her first book "When Your Kids Push Your Buttons". Like the Buttons book, "Confident Parents Remarkable Kids" includes many helpful illustrations to make her point. I'm impressed with the way Bonnie helps parents to see the world from the child's point of view so that one can work out what might be triggering the child's behaviour. I also like phrases such as: "What you focus on grows": catch phrases can be very helpful for tired parents. Thoughtfulness, understanding, firm boundaries when required, age and personality appropriate responses, love - it's all there in this lovely book. And if you lose the plot, remember that the Buttons book can help you with that!
5.0 out of 5 stars Insighful and well done. 12 Jan 2014
By P.F. Walmsley - Published on
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
Principles for all relationships.... not just parents and kids! Principle #1: Children want to succeed! Who doesn't? Never yet met a teacher, doctor or even librarian whose goal was to fail.
5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read!! 12 Jun 2013
By Amazon Customer - Published on
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I have read a lot of parenting books and this book totally describes the type of parenting I would like to practice!! It describes situations that happen every day and explains the deeper cause and how to handle it!
Of course like any book of the same category cannot give you miracle solutions because the solution is within you as you have to change first for your children to change!!

I would recommend it to anyone who is willing to try a more peaceful approach towards their kids.
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