Come See About Me [Paperback]

It's a freak accident that kills 19-now-20-year-old Leah's boyfriend Bastien and she is saddled with grief that is much heavier than what she thinks she can handle. She and Bastien had their lives ahead of them: they were living together in an apartment in Toronto, they'd made plans to get a dog in the future, and they'd settle into great jobs and living the life both of them had dreamed of. But now with the accident and Bastien ripped from her life, Leah's left to pick up the pieces of this future and put them together in a new way. For herself.

The thing is, it is not easy. Leah's family lives on the other side of the country, and she does not want to move back. She wants to stay where she is because it is where she was happy. But she cannot be happy in her apartment any longer knowing that Bastien isn't there. She can't make it through school any longer and drops out. Her job at the museum is also just a little too much to take, so she quits showing up and now, she lacks an income to even pay for her apartment. Time is ticking for her to figure something out.

As luck would have it, Bastien's aunt has a place in suburban Oakville, and she offers Leah the chance to live there without having to pay rent -- she only spends a few weeks a year there to check up on her business anyway, so Leah would have the place to herself. Leah takes the place. It's not easier, though, as she continues working through the loss and the rattling of what looked like the perfect future. Then she meets Liam. Runs into him quite literally and on more than one occasion. So when Leah finally gets the nerve to talk to Liam and ends up spilling her guts, she starts to realize how different it feels to open up. As she begins opening up to him physically and emotionally, Leah grapples with how she can move forward without Bastien without forgetting who he was to her and without moving on.

Leah is a complex and pained character who is struggling not only with overwhelming grief and loss, but she's at a time in her life that is already so confusing. She's on the path she's been led to believe is the right one -- she's living in the big cosmopolitan city of Toronto, and she's going to school full-time while balancing a part-time job. But when Bastien dies, Leah finds herself wondering whether or not this is truly what she wants to be doing. It's not that she was unhappy with her future plans when Bastien was a part of them, but rather, losing him forces Leah to reassess her own life. She comes to the realization that doing so many of these things simply didn't fulfill her. While she's letting school and her job go, of course she falls into a deeper stage of grief, but through this, she also begins to learn a lot about who she is and what matters to her. It's not grades or a full-time career. It's finding peace in a way that's not achieved through racking up "adult points." That is, her happiness and fulfillment aren't going to be found through finishing college or finding a full-time career. At least not at this point. What she needs to be happy are meaningful relationships. This is part of why her move from the city into the suburbs is huge. It's the first step in Leah reclaiming control of her own life.

Enter Liam. From the start, he cares about Leah, but the problem is that she's not entirely ready to let herself become involved in another relationship. Especially one that could become romantic. But without thinking too much one night, Leah has the overwhelming urge to be sexual with Liam. She lets go of the tight control she's held, particularly over that physical piece of her relationship with Bastien, and allows herself to give into the moment. And it is sexy. In the moment, at least -- when Leah pulls herself from the situation later and realizes what she allowed herself to do, regret and remorse consume her. It's not just emotional either; it's manifested physically. What scares her about this is that for the first time since Bastien's death, Leah allowed herself to give into sheer desire. For the first time in a long time, she wasn't grieving or analyzing her world. It's in those moments after, though, where things become painful. Leah's scared to death of what she's allowed herself to do because she feels like she's let down Bastien. As readers, we feel the regret she experiences, but at the same time, we want Leah to allow herself the chance to give into her desires, especially with a guy like Liam who is so caring and concerned about her.

Let me not get ahead here, though: Liam is far from perfect. He's here in Oakville because he, too, is trying to rebuild a life that was left in tatters. He's from overseas and working on a local theatrical production. After a very public infidelity scandal, he knew he needed to get away and it's here he has found a safe place. It's here he hopes to rebuild his image. I wouldn't say he hides this all from Leah, but he's not entirely open about it, and part of the reason is this: Leah isn't necessarily interested in hearing about it. At least at first. Liam can sense that from her and he allows her to take what she needs from him emotionally and physically. He offers himself to her in a way she needs. In doing such, well, what his past is really doesn't matter.

The more time Leah and Liam spend together, the more intimate they become. And it's intimacy this time, not simply raw desire. Martin has a knack for writing great sensual scenes in her YA novels, and given her platform with an adult novel, she's able to amplify this. No doubt, this book is sexy; it treads a very fine line of incredibly tender and slightly dirty. What makes it work so well, though, is that these intimate scenes are powerful for Leah -- they open her up in the way she needs to be opened up. She allows herself incredible vulnerability. We feel it with her, and these moments are powerfully mature in a way that goes well beyond how they're played out physically. Over the course of her time with Liam, Leah begins to understand it's okay to give into her feelings, into her own desires, and she's allowed to let herself feel good. That that would be what Bastien would want for her. Leah, though, continues to set up strict boundaries in her relationship with Liam: she wants this to be nothing but physical. She wants no emotional investment in what they're doing. To her, that would be hurting -- almost shaming -- what she had with Bastien.

Of course, that cannot happen. We know this. As much as Leah pushes away from the emotional side of her relationship with Liam, she simply can't. It's when Leah confronts Liam's past head on where she discovers that her emotions are much more tied up in this relationship than she expected. She realizes how vulnerable she really is. It's painful to watch her fall apart, particularly because as readers, we are watching Leah get stronger and find herself, even if she herself isn't acknowledging it. When Leah approaches Liam about his past, she finally comes to realize that what she's experiencing isn't loss or hurt. It's acceptance: of herself, of Liam. Of Bastien's death. And just when it looks like everything will be gone, well, Leah will really get a surprise she wasn't expecting.

Come See About Me is about how life is about stepping forward, even when there are a million things that can hold you back. It's as much about grief and loss as it is about love and acceptance. Martin strips her characters down to their barest pieces and allows readers to watch as these characters struggle to find themselves. Her writing is strong and engaging. While at times I found myself becoming a little wearisome of the focus on the mundane, these bits of routine were important to the story -- they were ultimately what helped ground Leah into her world. It was important when she went to the store to get food for her pet and when she went for a walk. These were aspects of Leah learning how to go through with being Leah. There's a very fragile balance of being on your own for the first time and learning that you aren't immune to awful things happening in your life. That you're not as shielded from pain as you think you are.

It's that last part that will make this book appealing to both older teens who are mature enough to handle the intimacy aspect, and it's this very last part that will make this book appealing to adults, as well.

C.K. Kelly Martin, who's written several marvelous young adult novels, couldn't find a traditional publisher for her first book for adults, Come See About Me.

According to Martin, no one knew how to market a novel with a 20 year old protagonist. Come See About Me certainly isn't a teen novel, it's mature and addresses themes that are not seen in the YA category. And since "Adult" fiction typically features older narrators, not a recent college dropout, it couldn't be marketed as "Adult." Essentially, a marketing problem prevented this novel from hitting bookstore shelves. This is absolutely perplexing to me.

Luckily for us, Martin couldn't keep to herself the story of Leah, a young woman who's life has wholly stalled following the death of her boyfriend, Bastien, who was killed while crossing the street in Toronto. She flakes on her job, fails out of school, hides from her friends and family--she can't move forward because of the loss. She wants to be alone with her memories and sadness over what should have been, over their lost future together.

The early chapters, in which Leah recounts her relationship with Bastien, were incredibly difficult for me to read. The two went to high school in British Columbia together, though they weren't even friends--acquaintances is a better description--and connected later, when they both went to college in Toronto. Their love was the forever sort, not the college dating temporary sort.

I found myself absolutely gutted by Leah's devastation at losing Bastien. While I'm an admitted book crier (oddly, I rarely cry in movies and TV shows, with the exception of Friday Night Lights reruns), I became choked up and teary at nearly every paragraph in the first chapters of Come See About Me. This is a testament to the realism and craft of Martin's writing. I met my husband when I was Leah's age, and her reflections on the early days of their relationship very relatable on a personal level. I felt an increasingly sick feeling for Leah during those first chapters detailing her life post-Bastien, thinking of how unimaginably unbearable a situation like hers would be, particularly with everyone's expectations being that she "move on," because she is so young and has her whole future in front of her. This is wholly, understandably, inconceivable to Leah.

On the verge of losing her apartment, which she shared with Bastien and doesn't want to give up because of the memories alive in that space, Leah is rescued by Bastien's aunt who gives her a feel place to live in Oakville, a Toronto suburb with a village-like quality. Initially, Leah maintains her same routine: hiding from the world, paralyzed by the loss of Bastien. However, a dental emergency necessitates her finding a part-time job and a repeated chance encounters with Liam, an Irish actor from a Fair City-style television show, who's hiding from his own life that disintegrated in a very public manner back home in Dublin, slowly draws Leah out of her reclusion.

Lest I've given the impression that Come See About Me is about moving on, finding a new love or anything like that, it's absolutely not. Rather, Come See About Me is about Leah finding a new way to be, of finding hope and a new way forward, different from the future she'd imagined prior to her boyfriend's death. Her relationship with Bastien was special, so when she starts a casual sexual relationship with Liam (not a spoiler--this is in the blurb on Martin's website), Leah feels like she's cheating on Bastien. Not his memory, but him.

Leah and Liam's relationship is extremely close, and yet, they both keep their distance too. Neither is ready for a "real" relationship, and yet what happens between them feels very real to Leah. They both need intimacy after isolating themselves so intensely, but it's hard for them too. It could seem lurid or trashy that there's significant amount of page time devoted to the pair's hookups, but it's not at all. It's actually oddly sweet. (And, um... steamy. Not in a gratuitious way, though. In her Goodreads review, Kelly from Stacked used the word "sexy" to describe Come See About Me and I think that's a very apt way of saying it--which is also very unexpected for a novel dealing with this subject.) Interspersed are moments between Leah and Liam of real emotional connection and longing--longing for more.

I loved the arc of Leah's character. It's hard to say much without spoilage, but I found her path and resolution to be very realistic and believable, but also very satisfying--it was worth becoming emotionally invested in her story, as hard as it was at some points. I find this characterizes of all of C.K. Kelly Martin's novels (or at least all of them I've read--I have an ARC of Yesterday, but haven't gotten to it yet.)

But, I also felt for Liam as well, and wanted him to be okay. Come See About Me is Leah's story, and it's told from her first person point-of-view. However, Liam is simultaneously charming and maddening, because he's not in an emotional place much better than where Leah is--I wanted him to be able to do more for her, but he couldn't and that wouldn't have been realistic, nor would Come See About Me have been as good of novel at it is if he had. And yet his humor and (very Irish) dialogue at moments prevents Come See About Me from spiralling into a depressing read.

Also, Liam is dead sexy, if that's the sort of thing that matters to you. Ahem.

The secondary characters also made Come See About Me memorable and satisfying.Try not to pass out from the shock, but there are actual, diverse characters in this novel. And they're not just present to be The Diverse Characters, but instead they all make sense in the context of the story and are a realistic reflection of modern society. I know, right? More of this please.

When I love, love a book, I become a psychotic book pusher, trying to get everyone to read said book. Come See About Me is definitely one that brought on Book Psychosis Syndrome. I really, really enjoy C.K. Kelly Martin's YA novels. Her writing is very special, it's real and raw and authentic, but her skill with telling a story that makes you feel all the things right along with the narrator is so, so, so much more pronounced with the freedom that comes along with writing for an adult audience. While I know the self-publishing route is a tough one, I hope that Come See About Me has some success so that we'll maybe see more adult fiction from Martin--it's just that wonderful.

Come See About Me is the sort of contemporary adult fiction I'm always wanting to read, but what doesn't seem to exist in the marketplace. That absence is what drives me to YA when I want a contemporary read. It's an adult novel that deals with emotions and growth and connection--not with divorce, money problems, infertility, parenting or what it means to be human. There's zero pretention in Martin's writing, instead, it's simply real, with raw emotion and a thread of hope shining through in a story that lingers. One of my favorite books of the year, hands-down.

I have been a huge fan of C.K. Martin for quite a few years and I am NEVER disappointed when I read one of her books. I also love the Canadian connection we have :)

Having said that, I was intrigued when she mentioned that Come See About Me is a book geared towards an older teen. To be honest, all of Martin's books are deeply written, touching, sad and funny and a combination of all of this put together, so I was wondering how she would top that by aiming her writing at an older (somewhat) audience.

After finishing (and enjoying each delicious moment) I have to tell the author this - "this is one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read". It is, as always touching and very, very realistic, a trademark that I have found in Martin's writing all the time. However, this time, she has also included a sensual aspect that does make this book different from her others.

Come See About Me is about growing up and learning life lessons the hard way- but also realizing that there is a "plan" out there and you need to believe in it by living your life and believing in your ability to get through the good, the bad and the ugly.

Leah is my new favorite character as she is dealt a very rough hand to play - and doesn't think she can do it. However, there is a little part of her that whispers into her ear "don't give up" (I like to think this voice is Bastien) but regardless, it is the hope that she needs to find herself in a relationship that will help her grow through everyday events, as well as some major ones, to discover that she is stronger than she thought she was - with a little help from her friends :)

This story is just beautiful.