Closer [DVD] [2004] [2005]

Natalie Portman, Jude Law, Julia Roberts and Clive Owen are all brilliant actors and Mike Nichols almost always directs films that last forever in their emotional depth. (Check out his resume). Patrick Marber wrote the original stage play and it almost makes me want to seek it out in its truest form, as this film brought out nothing in me other than cynicism and dismay. In fact, the main emotional themes seem to be neurotic passion, heartbreak, sadness, anger, evil vengeance, pathetic pleading, deception, and honesty to the point of brutality. Some may find this an interesting exploration of emotions mixed with complex personalities in confusing circumstances. Some call this entertainment, but I think all involved could have done much better. This is a very personal film and one that can only be interpreted by the viewer. I found it very, very bleak.

I'm sorry but this is pretentious nonsense and somebody has to speak out!

I used to love (screenwriter) Patrick Marber in The Day Today and I thought his adaptation of Zoe Heller's 'Notes on a Scandal' was pretty good stuff, but this is just total dross and I can't believe anyone thinks otherwise. It's not like I spend my life watching Rambo films - name pretty much any poncey film and I've seen it twice and got the t-shirt - and I have absolutely nothing against the 'mature themes' that others have mentioned. But 'Closer' is in fact mind-bogglingly immature, like an erotic story written by a virgin. Tee hee, Natalie Portman is a stripper, Clive Owen surfs dirty websites at work, everyone jumps in and out of bed with each other... Aren't we big and aren't we clever? Well, no, actually, and dialogue such as 'I love you. I need a p*ss' is like something out of a sixth-form play.

No surprises for guessing that this was, in fact, adapted from Marber's own stage play. Everything has the ring of artificiality, and the dialogue is horribly arch and self-satisfied. The whole thing is one big Neil La Bute rip-off. Wisps of character drifting about saying unlikely things in sneery voices and swearing a bit to show how marvellously cutting edge it all is. (The funny thing is, I kind of like Neil La Bute. There's an air of originality to his work, no matter how annoying. But sloppy seconds are an entirely different matter.) Clive Owen is probably the worst offender. He can barely deliver a line here! He's so awful I almost want to cry. I hope Julia Roberts worked for free because she's barely in it. Even when she's on screen you don't notice she's there. She has one scene (with Clive Owen unfortunately) where she shows some emotional depth, but other than that she's the priciest wallpaper you're ever likely to see. As for Jude Law, they seem to have cobbled his role together from four or five different films. I can't even begin to describe his character(s). Kudos to Natalie Portman for being the least annoying of the four. It probably helps that she's luminously beautiful, and male fans will no doubt be giddy with glee watching her lapdance for Clive Owen. It seems such a waste, though, to go to the trouble of disrobing for such embarrassing pap. Is it every actress's secret desire to get nekkid? I don't understand it. No doubt the closing scene is intended to be poignant, but actually it's just an excuse to watch Portman's rack bouncing about in a skimpy top.

'Pretentious? Moi?' That line wasn't actually in the film, but it should have been. Just because it's long and complicated and un-involving doesn't make it art. If you want an intelligent, edgy film that actually says something about the human condition, try 'The Dream Life of Angels'. La Bute's 'In the Company of Men' and 'The Shape of Things' are both vaguely irritating but still a safer bet than wasting two hours of your life watching 'Closer'. This is a horrible film! A pseud in La Bute's clothing.

It's really hard to understand a lot of the reviews that have categorically trashed the film here. I can appreciate that an older, or more sheltered, audience would maybe find the film a tad too raw and brutal to enjoy; I'm pretty sure that someone like my grandmother would have a minor stroke at some of the language used. Then again, maybe not... she's a game old bird, come to think of it. But if you recognise the world this film depicts with ruthless honesty, I think you'll find it resonant, at least on some level, and ultimately very thought-provoking indeed.

Basically, I think the major problem with a lot of the most viciously negative reviewers here is that they seem to be lacking a sense of humour. I found Closer to be a very dark, very bitingly funny black comedy. It's not easy to get me laughing during a movie, but I really did howl in parts of this one. But then, an instant later, one of the leads would make an unutterably cruel remark, or a profound comment, or a tragic admission, and that would act like a sharp blow to the stomach, and the laughter would dissolve into something a lot more thoughtful and poignant.

I'm not saying this is a perfect film, though. There were quite a few lines in the script that I felt I'd heard before in some other hackneyed soap opera of angsty relationships, such as 'Please don't do this' etc. Maybe it's because a lot of these lines were delivered without any real emotional oomph or imagination by Julia Roberts, and sometimes by Jude Law. Both of their performances were generally solid, but there were two particular scenes focused on both their characters which did fall very flat. Thank God for Clive Owen's performance- he was riveting. Natalie Portman also gave a fiendishly difficult role her all, and she was equally mesmerising for the most part.

I didn't find the ending of the movie crushingly bleak at all. It was refreshingly real... and I don't mean that as a euphemism for downright depressing; it was actually pretty comforting to witness things conclude as you felt it was fitting that they should. Above all things, Closer is a ruthlessly modern picture. That doesn't make it sound too appetising, I know, maybe it'd be more accurate to call it genuinely, unabashedly contemporary and honest. If you've had any kind of a patchy history to your love life, if you've lived a little and have some experience of the dating/mating game during the last couple of years, I have no doubt that you'll find a lot in this film that is familiar and well-observed. You've got to know the environment depicted, on some level, to be able to appreciate the satire, I suppose.

So if you haven't seen the film and are in two minds whether or not to buy a copy, I'd say go for it. It's a hauntingly memorable fable with an exceptional performance from Clive Owen, razor sharp satire throughout, and crikey- it'll make you think and laugh and wince and laugh and think some more.