If you are experiencing such problems, do read "Building the Bonds of Attachment" by Daniel Hughes.
Our daughter and her husband adopted a lovely two year old boy. They were given no information of the damage caused to him during his first year of abuse and abandonment by those to whom he looked for love, protection and sustenance, his parents. Eventually the infant was removed and Fostered, though sadly this was to a woman, poorly monitored and without the ability to cope with her own children let alone those Fostered by her. Neither his Parents nor his Foster Carer had the ability to give him the love, structure and confidence in adults that all children need to build bonds of loving trust with those controlling their lives.
Our Daughter and Son-in-Law spent five years in a desperate search to understand how they could help their loved but hugely demanding adopted son to control his rages and inexplicable behaviour. His school did try to understand him but still excluded him a day for bad behaviour.
Daniel Hughes's book was a revelation to them and to me. It confirmed that some things that they had tried were mistaken but others could be built upon. At last they and their son are to receive real Attachment Disorder Syndrome Counselling and find the hope of enabling their little boy to let go of his perception of being bad and in exchange learn to love and trust his new family in complete confidence.
Read this book with relief that, with the correct counselling, there can be a good future for such tormented children, avoiding the
life of crime and prison which would otherwise be their lot, to become the happy settled person locked inside.