Breaking Free of the Co-dependency Trap
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Synopsis
The framework used in this revised edition of the best-selling "Breaking Free from the Codependency Trap" differs radically from the prevailing medical definition of codependency as a permanent, progressive and incurable addiction. Rather, the authors identify it as a "developmental fragment" remaining from incomplete developmental tasks during the first year of life. The Weinholds use the first half of the book to describe the developmental causes of codependency and correlate them with problems later in life such as establishing and maintaining boundaries, clinging and dependent behaviours, people-pleasing, and difficulty in achieving success in the world.The second part of the book, which focuses on healing codependency, provides a wealth of case histories and experiential activities that readers can use to help them shift their consciousness and transform themselves and their primary relationships. The book concludes with a chapter describing how Janae and Barry worked through their own codependent patterns.Repeatedly described by readers as "hopeful" and "visionary", "Breaking Free from the Codependency Trap" presents the Weinholds' groundbreaking developmental approach to shifting consciousness and restoring relationships.
From the Author
Co-dependency is not a disease! You can recover!
This is a book about hope. Much of the literature on co-dependency, unfortunately, leaves readers feeling as though they have some incurable and potentially fatal disease. This has not been our experience! Clients who use our approach find that they can heal the root causes of co-dependency in their primary relationships. This book also explores the cultural sources of co-dependent behaviors and gives many hopeful examples from our client files witnessing their healing experiences. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
This is a book about hope. Much of the literature on co-dependency, unfortunately, leaves readers feeling as though they have some incurable and potentially fatal disease. This has not been our experience! Clients who use our approach find that they can heal the root causes of co-dependency in their primary relationships. This book also explores the cultural sources of co-dependent behaviors and gives many hopeful examples from our client files witnessing their healing experiences. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
This is one of those books that you don't have to read as a whole or you can just read the parts that apply to you or anyone else, either way, in each chapter you can find something to relate to. The great thing about this book is the tips you can do for therapy of within your relationships. The book has been written with a good understanding of codependancy and speaks to you through constant positivity.
The reason for the four stars is some of the real case studies sound a bit too flowery when concluded....but thats just my opinion and doesn't really have much of an affect on the book.
The reason for the four stars is some of the real case studies sound a bit too flowery when concluded....but thats just my opinion and doesn't really have much of an affect on the book.
23 of 36 people found the following review helpful
By Tami Brady
TOP 500 REVIEWER
Format:Paperback
Co-dependency has become one of those buzzwords for our modern culture. Most of us use the term to describe someone who suffers from alcoholism or drug addiction. Therefore, when we think of co-dependency, we tend to think of programs like AA.
Breaking Free of the Co-dependency Trap states that possibly 98% of the human population is co-dependent. It's not lack of self control. It's not a disease. It's not even about the alcohol, the drugs, the food, or the people pleasing behaviors.
Co-dependency is merely the way that the mind attempts to adapt to its experiences. In the first six months of life, babies are meant to learn that the world is a safe loving place and that his or her parents will always keep them safe. Once they are assured of these facts, then they can start to explore the world in an increasingly independent way.
Unfortunately, parents aren't perfect. The majority don't even know how to give this sort of unconditional love. Most are too busy worrying about day to day concerns. So for most people, their psychological development gets stuck and they spend the rest of their lives trying to gain (or dampen the need for) that love, acceptance, and security. When they have children, their children continue the same cycle.
Breaking Free of the Co-dependency Trap states that possibly 98% of the human population is co-dependent. It's not lack of self control. It's not a disease. It's not even about the alcohol, the drugs, the food, or the people pleasing behaviors.
Co-dependency is merely the way that the mind attempts to adapt to its experiences. In the first six months of life, babies are meant to learn that the world is a safe loving place and that his or her parents will always keep them safe. Once they are assured of these facts, then they can start to explore the world in an increasingly independent way.
Unfortunately, parents aren't perfect. The majority don't even know how to give this sort of unconditional love. Most are too busy worrying about day to day concerns. So for most people, their psychological development gets stuck and they spend the rest of their lives trying to gain (or dampen the need for) that love, acceptance, and security. When they have children, their children continue the same cycle.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com:
3.8 out of 5 stars
23 reviews
47 of 50 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Use your co-dependent relationship to grow
9 May 2000
By A Customer
- Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback
This book has a lot of hands on tests, techniques etc. Its main message is that you CAN use a codependent relationship to grow out of your co-dependency.
The downside of this message is that if the reader doesn't do the hard work required and risk leaving the relationship, it can be used to justify prolonging a disfunctional relationship.
A co-dependent person feels they desperately need their significant other -- even if that other is abusive or emotionally unavailable. Even though the relationship may be unrewarding or even dangerous, the co-depenent will feel that they can't survive without the other.
The book describes the factors that produce these feelings and paints an attractive picture of life without the desperate need for another person.
With a sound grounding in current psychological thinking, it points out that without resolving the issues that result in this feeling of dependency, the co-dependent is doomed to continue repeating the same pattern with every relationship.
The hopeful message is that one can work out one's "stuck" position using the current co-dependent relationship. The book gives techniques that really work for this. The result is more independence, a more solid sense of integrity or self and a better relationship.
My only concern is that co-dependents in a dangerously violent relationship may not take steps to protect their physical safety during this process -- it is seductive to to co-dependent to hear that they CAN find happiness in their relationship and it isn't always going to work.
28 of 28 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
practical, applicable, better than Beattie
22 Jun 2006
By Amy M.
- Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback
I have read through some of Melody Beattie's books, and I was thankful to finally find "Breaking Free"! I'm analytical and like all things practical. Most other books on codependency seemed little more than a diagnosis of the problem; they largely failed to provide practical suggestions for how one can begin a journey to break out of patterns of codependency. (For example, Beattie speaks on a general level and never walks people through ways to grow and change. Her books seem fatalistic with the idea that once an codependent, always a codependent.)
I highly recommend this book because every chapter gives practical ways to work through different layers of the codependency problem. They provide suggestions for individuals, for therapy, for groups, and for couples.
Futhermore, after reading each chapter, I was able to start working through this issue little by little, learning to make small steps towards a healthier existence.
My husband and I are conscious of our need to grow out of patterns of codependency - this made it possible for me to achieve very helpful breakthroughs using the individual and relationship/partner suggestions. I imagine that the therapy and group suggestions are equally helpful for people using these resources.
One Note: The authors have unique personal views that some readers may disagree with. For example, they hold that Codependency is an society-wide problem and non-violence can resolve all of these problems. The author's personal belief and experience led them to the belief that 'breaking free from codependency' is most quickly achieved through a committed relationship where both are open to growing in this area. This may not be the reality for many readers.
Ultimately, the book focuses on practical ideas and it is not necessary to agree entirely with these peripheral ideas. I don't keep most books once I have read them, but this book was so helpful that I consider it a critical "Reference" book to me.
I highly recommend this book because every chapter gives practical ways to work through different layers of the codependency problem. They provide suggestions for individuals, for therapy, for groups, and for couples.
Futhermore, after reading each chapter, I was able to start working through this issue little by little, learning to make small steps towards a healthier existence.
My husband and I are conscious of our need to grow out of patterns of codependency - this made it possible for me to achieve very helpful breakthroughs using the individual and relationship/partner suggestions. I imagine that the therapy and group suggestions are equally helpful for people using these resources.
One Note: The authors have unique personal views that some readers may disagree with. For example, they hold that Codependency is an society-wide problem and non-violence can resolve all of these problems. The author's personal belief and experience led them to the belief that 'breaking free from codependency' is most quickly achieved through a committed relationship where both are open to growing in this area. This may not be the reality for many readers.
Ultimately, the book focuses on practical ideas and it is not necessary to agree entirely with these peripheral ideas. I don't keep most books once I have read them, but this book was so helpful that I consider it a critical "Reference" book to me.
23 of 24 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
An Engineer's Perspective
8 Aug 2001
By RF Engineer
- Published on Amazon.com
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
This book redefines the term co-dependency. It is an unfortunate confusion which will cause some readers to find the book objectionable. In reference to another reviewer, if anyone uses this as their only source of resolution in a troubled marriage I think I would have a clue as to why their marriage is troubled. This book predates the Weinholds most complete work, "Conflict Resolution". I have read all of their books, and have studied with them. Their philosophy is not a spiritual vortex of ungrounded ether. It is a solid philosophy that takes into account the convergence of psychology, religion, and physical science. I recommend it only to open minded readers who are willing to stretch their limits. For those who are interested in "real growth" I recommend their book, "Conflict Resolution".
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3.8 out of 5 stars
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