Bonekickers - Complete BBC Series 1 [DVD]

Somehow I find it comforting that American TV is not alone in being mind-numbingly idiotic and ignorant. Exhibit A: "Bonekickers."

This British TV show is quite simply one of the stupidest shows I've ever seen that didn't involve the words "reality TV." Allegedly about a band of archaeologists, it rapidly decays into a steaming, soupy mess of bad melodrama, cliches, bad history and logical errors that would reduce even Indiana Jones and Lara Croft to hysterical sobbing.

The skeleton of a Crusader is found in a Bath suburb (no, I don't know how nobody found him!), and for some reason it shocks everybody that a Middle-Eastern coin was found there. Next to a Crusader. Who was in the Middle East. The face that this is a "mystery" shows you a lot about the series.

So Dr. Gillian Magwilde (Julie Graham) and her associates Dr. Ben Ergha (Adrian Lester), Professor "Dolly" Parton (Hugh Bonneville), and noob Viv Davis (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) are brought in to investigate. They find a chunk of wood that may have been part of Christ's cross (or not). But of course, they're being targeted by a TV fundamentalist and a pair of crazy "Templars."

The gang also investigates a bunch of African slaves betrayed by George Washington, which is of interest to a transparent Obama stand-in; the death site of Boudica in Bath (what?); a WWI tank prototype filled with bodies from different countries, a Babylonian artifact, a CGI snake and an illegal antiquity-seller; and the search for Excalibur despite a bunch of white-masked... somebodies.

The best thing you can say about "Bonekickers" is that it makes for a wonderful drinking game. It becomes almost hilarious as it goes on, because it's so completely divorced from reality. This is the only series I've ever seen where not only does a crazy hallucinating woman talking to a ditch count as "archaeology," but she regularly BREAKS and DISCARDS ancient artifacts.

That's right: Dr. Magwilde is depicted as a brilliant archaeologist and historian, but she actually comes across as a crazy woman who killed the REAL Dr. Magwilde and assumed her identity. And Julie Graham's over-dramatic, tooth-baring acting doesn't help either.

But the insane main character isn't the biggest problem. Oh no. It's fairly obvious that the writers were just flinging whatever sounded cool into the scripts, whether it made sense or not. They also apparently didn't have access to google or wikipedia, since they make basic errors in history (Joan of Arc did not leave a skeleton!) and logic (why is there a powerful TV fundamentalist in ENGLAND?). And they throw in a lot of soap opera twists, such as a character discovering that an associate IS HER SISTER.

And because this series wasn't idiotic enough, they inject it with large amounts of sociopolitical poopery. Christianity is depicted as being full of insane half-witted murderers, Islam is depicted as being naive innocent victims of evil Christianity, Obama is openly worshipped, and American Southerners are depicted as being slavery-loving bigots. Oh, and George Washington is depicted as a weak-willed wuss... as opposed to the warrior nicknamed "Devourer of Villages."

I wish I could say that at least the supporting cast was okay, but they're not. Mbatha-Raw is as wooden as Christ's cross, and Lester looks almost apologetic for starring in this. Bonneville is the only halfway enjoyable character, and he plays a drunk misogynist.

"Bonekickers" is a series best enjoyed when you're hanging out with a bunch of friends and a bottle of alcohol. At least then you can sit around and make fun of it.

Ive nothing against programmes playing around with historical facts for entertainments sake,and this series is most definately guilty of that,but when it does this and fails to be that entertaining,you sadly cant forgive it.An interesting idea,and a talented cast are wasted on a series of storys that become more and more far fetched,and hard to believe.Also its overwhelming desire to be politically correct in the extreme,becomes more and more annoying and hard to swollow,as do some of the decidedly iffy effects.
The series is a missed oppertunity,which is a real shame,because it could have been really good.Even Adrian Lester,so brilliant in Hustle,fails to make any kind of impact.It does have its moments,but sadly no where near enough of them,the result is that it fades from the memory as quickly as it did from the TV schedules.

I love fantastical archaeological adventures like Indiana Jones, but Bonekickers is the worst thing to happen to the human race since the expulsion from Paradise.