Bollocks to Alton Towers: Uncommonly British Days Out [Hardcover]

This is a great book, hilarious and well written, but with an added layer of being rather touching in a funny sort of way. This book is written with a lot of joy behind it, no cynsism, no sneering and nothing needlessly negative (and because of that, it's nothing like Crap Towns btw). You can feel the genuine enthusiasm the writers seemed to feel for each of the strange little places they visited. A cliché it may be, but this book does give you a sense of "Britishness", even if you're confused as to what "Britishness" really is.
I found this book extremely witty with some big belly laughs thrown in and, strangely for a book of this sort, rather useful and informative. I shall definitely be visiting some of these places with my family when we next go on holiday. And, next time I am driving through Bedford I shall keep a beady eye out for the end of terrace house earmarked by a strange Victorian religious sect for Jesus to live in, should he ever get round to being resurrected.
In short, buy this book, it has a little more weight and rather more laughs than its coffee table brothers and sisters.

My 'young adult' kids bought this as my father's day present - revenge will be mind on our next cagoule clad thermos clutching day trip!

For all those of my generation ( approaching 50 too fast for comfort ) who suffered long childhood journeys in inadequately ventilated cars upholstered in warm black PVC, seaside metal spades so sharp they could take your toe off, and endless games of 'I spy'....this book is for you. With page turning and near 'brysonesk' humour and observation it makes you want more than anything to visit eccentric gems in far off reaches of Britain. Places you did not know existed, but will now add to your itinerary if you're in the area on your next holiday.

British understatement, with a slowly melting ice-cream cone of eccentric nostalgia thrown in.

Are the British the only people that have 'days out'? Does a day out mean leaving home for a period long enough to include at least one meal time? Do the French, or Germans, or even Americans go for 'proper days out'? The French probably go to the market, the Germans to sit in the park and eat too much, and the Americans to the superbowl, or megatrucks, or
Disneyland........but I bet non can compete with the British Lawnmower Museum in Southport, Mother Shipton's Cave and Dripping Well in Knaresborough, or even Gnome Magic in Colchester.

After reading the book you feel cheated that your local crowd-magnet was not listed, but then again do you want the great unwashed descending on your own private 'tourist trap' - I think not. BUY THIS BOOK>>>>>>it's brilliant.

Intriguing title - I happen to like Alton Towers. It's not just Alton Towers the writers are disdainful towards but theme parks in general, along with any attraction that is purely about making money, always packed to the gills with tourists and doesn't inform or educate the visitor. Bollocks to Alton Towers is a compilation of 42 attractions within the UK that are unusual, unique and undervalued. The purpose of the book, it says in the introduction, is to highlight and celebrate the "underdogs of British tourism." The writers have endeavoured to only include those attractions that represent all that is British and have avoided attempting to recreate successful attractions in America in order to get the punters in. So we have places like the British Lawnmower Museum, Gnome Magic, Morpeth Bagpipe Museum and Peasholm Park Navel Warfare. Hm, thrilling. But that's the point; if you want thrills and spills, hustle and bustle and all the fun of the fair, then you'll find this book hard going. These attractions require a little more effort and imagination than your average tourist hotspot.

An alternative to Alton Towers - The book starts off with Blackgang Chine, Britain's oldest theme park, located in the Isle of Wight and set in over 40 acres of Victorian cliff-top gardens. I apparently went there when I was a child but I don't remember. The park is really for children and their parents because there's hardly any rides, just things like Giant Hedge Maze, Hall of Funny Mirrors, and The Crooked House in themed areas including Dinosaurland, Fantasyland and Nurseryland. Blackgang Chine is quintessentially British in that it's modest and understated. Because a British theme park proclaiming that it's the fastest and the best is "a faintly embarrassing spectacle, like a geography teacher bodypopping in a cowboy hat." I can definately see where they're coming from there. What the writers liked about Blackgang Chine was the lack of noise from rollercoasters and teenagers, which means a visit to the park is relaxing for the adults and, perhaps more importantly, stimulates children's imagination more than any rollercoaster could.

An alternative to Madame Tussaud's - Louis Tussaud's House of Wax, a waxworks museum in Great Yarmouth, Norfolk, that's been slaughtered by the press for its crapness. Like Blackgang Chine, the place is stuck in a time warp as the exhibits haven't been updated for fifteen years. The ones they've got are rather poor imitations of the celebrities they're supposed to represent. But the writers liked the museum for its ability to take the visitor on a trip down memory lane and for being a "traditional British seaside experience".

An alternative to Stonehenge - Avebury Stone Circle, about 20 miles from Stonehenge in Wiltshire. This massive site of around 28 acres isn't as famous as Stonehenge but it perhaps ought to be. The writers point out that you can actually interact with the stones themselves by walking amongst them, unlike at Stonehenge where you are kept well away from the monoliths. The overall experience at Avebury is therefore much more fulfilling.

Halstead et al. are an old-fashioned lot, which they are unapologetic about. Many of the attractions in Bollocks to Alton Towers are old-fashioned (or just plain ancient, see Avebury Stone Circle), but are part of a British heritage you want to continue. It would be a shame for attractions like these to die out. You may be interested enough in one or two places to go and visit them, but considering the broad range and quality of places on offer, that wouldn't be bad going.
As has been mentioned by previous reviewers, the photos are in black and white and don't exactly sell the attraction that's being written about. The book cannot get 5/5 because of this fact. Another gripe I have with the book is that there aren't any days out in the Midlands - not one. Although they're spread all over the British Isles, from Wadebridge in Cornwall to Dufftown in Banffshire, the Midlands seems to have been forgotten. I live in the East Midlands and the nearest day out for me is in either North Yorkshire or Norfolk. That's just not good enough!