A beautiful blonde, whose face we don't see, is sitting atop a man, his hands tied to the bed. Sound familiar? Well, instead of an ice pick, she uses a chainsaw, and guess what? From the moment the message "This motion picture has been altered from its original format. It has been dubbed in Swahili", appears on screen, we know how serious this movie is.
The Concord Police Department investigates, with officers Dick Smoker and Harry Bates, the latter who find a clue through a wedding invitation. The blonde getting married is Montana Beaver, though via her marriage to loser architect Lyle Shotz, becomes Montana Beaver-Shotz. The exchange over this bit of info goes like this:
Smoker: It was a lovely ceremony Mrs. Beaver-Shotz.
Montana: Montana, please.
Smoker: It was a lovely Montana, Mrs. Beaver-Shotz.
Montana: The hyphen is silent.
Bates: You shouldn't try to hide it. You should be very proud to still have it on your wedding day.
Hyphen, hymen, get it? This is typical of the dialogue throughout the movie, snappy, play-on-words, but delivered deadpan a la The Naked Gun. Much of the film's strengths rest on that delivery, as well as sight gags.
Bates is very much lacking in the brain department. His former partner Henry took the death of his dog hard and is dressed up in a dog costume, but Harry takes it all in stride. "He was a good cop. Now he's a good pet."
To complicate matters, there's Dakota, Montana's "twin half-sister, once removed", who falls for Harry. She looks really nice when she has her hair like Bonnie Tyler in one scene. Meanwhile, there are a few more killings.
This is mostly a parody of Basic Instinct, down to the "no smoking in the interrogation room scene", but there are pokes at
Indecent Proposal, Silence Of The Lambs (the autopsy scene involving the cadavre "Wait! There's something in his mouth!"), The Three Faces Of Eve, and The Crying Game, as well as plays on verbal references to Rear Window, Dirty Harry and 9-1/2 Weeks. Some of them are caught easily, such as the list of doctors paged over the hospital intercom--"Dr. Quinn, your show has been cancelled." Others are subtle, such as the opening scene at a restaurant, I heard a black man saying off-screen, "Nicole, tell the waiter to get me one of them big a-- steak knives." I about bust a gut laughing.
The sex scene between Harry and Dakota involving pizza is sheer hilarity, with cartoon and animal sound effects, and Dakota has a really nice pair to boot.
... In one scene, Harry, when discussing having rugrats (guess which movie?) says he wants three kids: "If one turns out gay, you can disown him and you won't be left with an only child."
Michael McGaharn is simply funny as Harry Bates, aided by the two luscious blondes, Elizabeth Key (Montana) and Gloria Lusak (Dakota). A very silly movie lacking PC-ness of any kind. It'll leave you with anything but a "7-11 state of mind." Whoever thought Troma could make something so funny?