Beyond the Mommy Years: Empty Nest, Full Life [Hardcover]

Basically this book made me feel much older than I did before I read it. Not to mention much less attractive, more baggy, saggy etc. than I think any woman needs to feel, especially after buying someone's book to learn more about the years after your children leave. Her take on or what she gleans from her research is definitely sagging towards sexual attractiveness after the age of 49 is all but nil, except to our long suffering, non straying husbands who have no choice but to love us for what we have become. So in order to really have a jazzy, happy home life after the kids leave, we have to make do or leave and find someone new to make us feel sensual again the way we did in our long ago past when we were attractive to others, preferably someone that is younger than us old worn out hags. Oh there is some hope as she shares stories of couples that are having fun and are not repulsed by each other. But this seems to be based only on her research examples...not her take on things when she inserts that on many occasions.

The two stars are only because I took a bit of hope from the rare glimpses into happily, attractive feeling and basically well sexed women that are happy after the children are gone. But mostly it as if we become, as she states,(this is her word...invisible) invisible beings who face the thought of making love as if it is the same as making yourself go to the gym to work out. I think it would have been more helpful to leave out her sardonic take on things, which seem as if she is a woman only marginally surviving her golden years. I liked the bit on being a confronter. It made sense.

She also has, in my opinion,a very nasty take on women of any sorts of means. For example, she refers to someone's home as a monstrosity....where does a author in a self help type book get off making judgments against people's lifestyles. What does her obviously, negative take on people's consumer, clothing style, exercise routine or decorating choices have to do with helping others in the years beyond Mommyness. I wonder what the women she interviewed think of her descriptions of their homes and for instance the woman she talked about that loves to show off her many diamonds. There are too many examples of this type of talk to relate here. I loathe any judgments such as she makes in her book about people's choices of homes, attire, lifestyles or hairstyles. I have a sense of humor, if she is indeed trying to be entertaining, but these comments make me think of jealous, gossipy old crags sitting around drying up because their estrogen levels are low and grousing about other women. But to me, she was probably doing this sort of snappish, envious judgments before her ovaries conked out and well before she wrote this book.

Before I read this book, at 5'5" 115#, decent hair, attractive feeling woman...I was feeling good about my prospects when my son leaves this fall and was hoping for some positive transition input. There was a bit of that,but this book also cast a very dark shadow. I now feel like I am wrinkled, saggy, overweight,paunchy, undesirable and sexless. But thank goodness I am invisible...so no one can see all this nastiness that I am at 49. Thank goodness my supposedly balding, paunchy husband(he is none of this) can put up with me.

My initial response to the book was positive - while many stated that the book was heavy on facts and statistics, they were interspersed with the stories of real women that the author had met and interviewed - often having coffee and tea with the empty-nesters.

The negatives: The author often writes long descriptions of the financial status of the women including details of the design and size of the homes - even calling one home a "monstrosity" - I grimaced at the nearly 2 page description of the home, the clothing, the manicures - I often felt I was reading People magazine and not a book on transcending the "Mommy Years" and getting through the empty-nest period. I sensed judgment which resulted in my not wanting to read the book and had great difficulty seeing the author as a researcher, a story teller and someone who could speak to the sometimes painful transition from empty nest to joy. I found myself wondering if the author were envious of the status of these women and the description of their body types, fitness level and good looks. I question the need for this information as women of all economic groups can and do feel the sadness of leaving one role behind and searching for a new self - money, fitness, good looks, and big homes do not increase or lessen the phenomenon.

There is much to be written about this subject but this particular book didn't do it for me. As a counselor and coach, I could not recommend this book to any of my friends, colleagues or clients as there was too much focus on the wrong details.

This book is helping me get through a very rough period in my life. It is giving me some insight regarding this empty nester phase of life.