Being Here When I Need Me: An Inner Journey (Spiritual growth) [Paperback]

On the dusty, bumpy road of life, who is there when you need someone? When you¹re alone . . . when you¹re sick . . . when you want to create or when you want to celebrate, who is there to share your ups and downs?

Being Here When I Need Me is a journey into the heartland of yourself, where you will meet your inner healer, creative genie and beloved Self, who is always here to love, understand and support you. With its unique combination of mysticism and science, this book will help bring you home to the Self.

As you rest in the meadow by the brook, make your way through the forest, and climb the mountains of your mind, you will discover what is profoundly meaningful and holy. Learning to be here for yourself, you will no longer be dependent on material things or on other people. You will have the inner strength to be with others without losing your sacred centre. You will never need to walk alone again.

³Being Here When I Need Me provides a natural way to open to your higher Self. It is down-to-earth, comprehensive, clarifying, and powerful. Vivian King¹s approach to Psychosynthesis is both inspirational and scholarly. I highly recommend this book to those committed to personal and spiritual growth, and to all humanity.² Edith Stauffer, PhD Founder/Director of Psychosynthesis International Author of Unconditional Love and Forgiveness

Some readers¹ comments about Being Here When I Need Me

"I began underlining with a marker until I realized I was marking the whole page."

"A simple, practical, pragmatic way to open to the Higher Self."

"Your writing helps me regain my faith in myself, in life and in God's presence.¹ ŒA blend between prose and a literary novel. It doesn¹t have an arid feeling like most structured material has.¹ ŒThis book is not for wimps.¹

Being Here When I Need Me is about self-exploration and self-discovery. In our rapidly changing world, it is no longer an indulgence to focus on self-development; rather it is a necessity for survival. This is not just another book on individualism or self-absorption. Nor is it a book to fuel narcissism. Instead of sanctioning selfishness or social passivity, Being Here When I Need Me calls you back home to yourself so you will have the stamina to focus on important family, community and world situations. It speaks to the sense of powerlessness, loss of purpose and feelings of emptiness that many feel because of social alienation, the fleeting rewards of material possessions and the lack of connection with the sacred. When you are here for yourself, you will no longer be dependent on material things or on other people to satisfy your innermost desires. You will be free to relate to others without losing your sense of self. This book will connect you with what is profoundly meaningful and holy, filling the inner void with peace. A peaceful inner world is the backdrop for a peaceful outer world.

I know what it feels like when I¹m not Œhere for me¹. I know what it¹s like to give myself away in bits and pieces until I feel like a Nobody. It¹s a very hollow feeling and I wander around looking for Œsomething¹ or Œsomeone¹ to fill the void. Fortunately, I also know what it¹s like when I am here for me, and that¹s why I have written this book. Being Here When I Need Me is really the title of my own inner journey Š I had the good fortune of growing up on a farm in what I thought was the most beautiful place in the world ­ Kansas. I was seen, loved and trusted by my down-to-earth Christian parents who provided the fertile soil for my growth. They were true gardeners of my spirit. They nurtured my four brothers and me and watched us blossom without trying to change our colors or patterns. They trusted our unfolding.

My parents expressed love openly. I never questioned their faithfulness or loyalty. I felt safe and secure and sensed from an early age that somehow my family experience was unusual. I believed I was the luckiest girl in the world because I belonged to our family and lived on our farm. I loved our land with its golden wheat fields and its rich, aromatic alfalfa pastures. It seemed like the cottonwood trees ­ majestic sentinels lining the banks of the Arkansas River ­ sang to me. I was a nature sprite, climbing trees and going barefoot as long as the season permitted. I walked through soft grass, sticker patches, cow pies and clods of earth turned over by the plow. The land, the farm, the animals and the family were all an organic part of life.

In contentment and gratitude I wanted to give back to the world the good fortune I had been given. I sensed that my purpose in life was to bring love and healing to those suffering from a lack of love.

In college I trained as a nurse. During my second year I married a theology student who was tall, dark and handsome. When we first met, my ŒPrince¹ told me about his unhappy childhood. His mother had suffered from chronic depression, his parents were divorced and he and his sisters and brother were placed in a foster home. He had grown up with very little emotional support and, in my innocence, I believed I could give this man the love he lacked.

During the following years I experienced a subtle sense of disillusionment and confusion for the first time in my life. I didn¹t really enjoy nurse¹s training, but I struggled valiantly to fit into the medical structure. I wasn¹t really happy in my marriage, either, but I tried hard to convince my husband that I loved him.

My sense of disillusionment deepened when as a nurse I realized I was merely Œbinding wounds¹. Instead of getting to the heart of the problems people were experiencing, I was treating only the physical aspect of disease. I wasn¹t addressing the cause of illness or integrating the components of healing in a holistic way.

Attempting to get closer to the heart of what causes human suffering, I worked as a psychiatric nurse where I learned to identify, understand and treat mental and emotional illnesses. Yet, while I was gaining a certain amount of psychological sophistication regarding pathology, I was experiencing a sense of loss, a subtle depression of spirit. This existential dilemma was compounded by the discontent of my marriage. As my husband struggled to become alive, I fought a feeling of deadness.

Why, I asked, with my psychological and theological tools and philosophical orientation to life, was my spirit numbed? An inner voice kept saying, ŒI am just not myself. I¹m not here for me.¹ I knew my intentions for healing were good, and my love was consistent and powerful, but good intentions and love were not enough. There was something missing and in this state of distress I earnestly began my search for truth and clarity.

... Along the road I took a workshop introducing Psychosynthesis, a transpersonal psychology developed by an Italian psychiatrist, Dr Roberto Assagioli. His work was brought to the United States in the early 1970s and was taught in private homes around the country. I recognized the importance of this approach immediately.

In a moment of déjà vu, I exclaimed, ³My self is always with me. I can stand by my self.² Seeing my dispirited self standing by my spirited Self, I was overjoyed. It further occurred to me that even if everyone I knew deserted me, my spirit Self would never leave or betray me.

Vivian King, like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, grew up on a farm in Kansas. Along the yellow brick road, she was trained as a psychiatric nurse and a psychotherapist, specializing in Psychosynthesis, a transpersonal psychology. Her experience as director of Psychosynthesis education and counselling programs for over twelve years inspired her to write Being Here When I Need Me.

Shortly after Being Here When I Need Me was pubished Vivian was involved in a near-fatal car crash which left her confined to a wheel-chair, but she still expresses herself through the written word and in her heroic determination to be here for herself ­ no matter what.

Vivian describes herself as helping the Straw Man to find his infinite mind, the Tin Man to find his golden heart, and the cowardly Lion to find his courageous will. She reminds people that the Wizard lives inside and is always present.

Chapter 28 Developing Intimacy You may be wondering how to go about developing a closer relationship with your Self. Perhaps the following ideas can stimulate your imagination.

The first important step is to start communicating. Simply talk to your Self as you go about your daily routine. And begin listening more attentively to the inner voice as it subtly guides you throughout the day. Your Self speaks through your thoughts and intuitions, and through your feelings, longings and desires.

Take time to be silent and to meditate. In reality, the goal of meditation is to establish communication and intimacy between the personality and Self. In their book Active Meditation Robert Leichtman and Carl Japikse point out that meditation is a dynamic process that involves three basic steps:

1.Contacting Self 2.Transferring some quality, energy or idea 3.Using the energy to transform the life of the personality.

Another way to develop intimacy is to exchange gifts. Be generous in giving to your Self and keep your eyes open for items with special meaning. You may wish to create a special place in your home to keep gifts such as cards, poems, evocative words, crystals/gems/rocks, a candle or any item that has special meaning in your relationship.

Recognize when you are given gifts from your Self and accept Œmiracles¹ as gifts. Expect more miracles and more gifts as you learn to accept graciously. If you want something, ask for it. Your Self wants you to live in abundance and to live joyfully. Think of generosity, graciousness and gratitude as the G-spots of the soul.

Be tender and gentle with your Self. Be sensitive to the energy moving through you. Be vulnerable and share your secrets, your pain and suffering, your disappointments and joys. Your Self doesn¹t have weaknesses to share with you, but has feelings, desires, dreams and hopes for you that it will share. Become worthy of your partner¹s trust by keeping the commitments that you make to your Self.

One effective way to communicate is to write letters. By putting your thoughts on paper you can clarify what is happening in your life. Try writing a letter to your Beloved Self as a way to deepen the relationship. Then imagine being the Self writing back to the personal self.

To Self, with love

Letter to my transpersonal Self

Write a love letter to your soul, or write a letter speaking candidly about a concern you have. Ask for guidance. Sign your name and Œsend¹ it to your Self.

Letter to my personal Self

Imagine that you are the wise, loving, powerful Self receiving the above letter. You may pretend you are reading it on top of a cloud or from a high place with a larger view. From this perspective, be objective, compassionate and responsive to the self who wrote to you. Address your self by name and write a letter in return. Sign your transpersonal name and Œsend¹ it to your self.

As the personal self, when you receive the Self¹s letter, carefully discern the contents in light of three essential questions:

Is it wise? Is it loving? Is it empowering?

If the three criteria are not met, consider that the one who wrote may be an authority figure dressed up as the Self. For example, one man wrote to his Self to ask about quitting his job so he could spend more time doing what he really wanted to do ­ which was to paint and sculpt. His Œhigher Self¹ instructed him to continue his job because it gave him financial security. He felt discouraged with the response.

When I asked him who, in his life, would give him similar advice, he said it sounded like his father who was always concerned about his financial welfare. I suggested that he tell his father to step out of his higher Self¹s clothing. This he did and his father stepped out from behind his imperial mask.

The man then wrote another letter to his real Self including the problems he had with his father¹s strong influence. His Self wrote back offering suggestions on ways to listen to his heart and to depend on his Self for love and approval instead of expecting it from his father. His Self also gave suggestions on ways to make a comfortable transition from his old job to his artistic work.