Before & After [Mass Market Paperback]

1999, and the run-up to Armageddon has begun. Sheep are exploding in the Welsh highlands, the Pyramids are up for repossession since their 5,000-year lease has expired, ghastly US evangelists overrun Britain, King Arthur awakens, and rains of fish are of course inevitable. The prophet Nostradamus, still with us under his academic alias Professor Mike D. Nostrus, knows it's time to take precautions against the likely end of the world... This is moderately sprightly humorous fantasy in the vein of Tom Holt, or (in particular) Terry Pratchett's and Neil Gaiman's Good Omens, though less skilfully funny--it's Matthew Thomas's first novel. The famous Pratchett footnotes are painstakingly imitated. There's a tendency to leave loose ends: for example, the expected amusing rationale for why those sheep are detonating never actually turns up. Thomas loves Blackadder-style comparisons: "Adam was more full of shit than King Kong's colostomy bag"--and is pretty good at turning such phrases. But their rapid-fire repetition in earlier chapters has a numbing effect, as of being beaten around the head with Moby Dick. Later the pace quickens into madcap action-adventure and a crowded Last Battle which offers some good chuckles. Worth a look if you enjoy funny fantasy. --David Langford

That rare find: comic fantasy that actually makes you laugh. Douglas Adams10;Terry Pratchett, but with more jokes. A dark, deadpan millennial tale.

‘The sheep shall be the first sign.
Those that frolic and hop will detonate with great concussions,
The strongest glues will not hold them, their suffering will go unheeded,
Until the Great Triangles depart’

From the Lost Centuries of Nostradamus: Quatrain v11.5

So it begins: the end of the world. The Apocalypse is at hand, afoot, in your face – wherever – it’s going to affect you, mentally and physically. Ask Colin the sheep about it and he’d probably say ‘BOOOM!’ which isn’t very helpful but then he has just exploded. Ask Professor Michael D. Nostrus, history teacher at a redbrick university and formerly the sometimes-vaguely-accurate prophet Nostradamus, and he might give you a piece of advice along the lines of: hole up in a Welsh farmhouse with an attractive young woman and read books like THE SAS SURVIVAL GUIDE: KILL SQUIRRELS THE WAY THE PROFESSIONALS DO.
Some people think he’s mad…Professor Michael D. Nostrus knows better. After all, he’s had 500 years to work out what to do…

THIS IS THE WAY THE WORLD ENDS…

'‘ The sheep shall be the first sign.
those that frolic and hop will detonate with great concussions,
The strongest glues will not heed them,
Their suffering will go unheeded,
Until the great Triangles depart.’
'

From the ' Lost Centuries of Nostradamus: Quatrain v11.5'

NOT WITH A BANG BUT A BAAAOOOM

' Before and After ', featuring some unfortunate sheep, a downsized hell, alien tourists watching the final conflict; the pyramids as ancient advertising slogans and a friendless local newspaper reporter named Adam who’s sure there’s a big story brewing somewhere and he’s the man to help it let rip.

Read before the end becomes nigh.

Matthew Thomas is a young British writer, 27, who works as a flight simulator graphics designer. Before & After is his first novel. He has nothing personal against sheep.