Bateman

Q&A with Colin Bateman

What made you turn to a life of crime?

My day job as a big game hunter wasn't working out, particularly as I lived in Belfast

Tell us a little bit about your hapless hero the Small-Bookseller-With-No-Name. First up, does he have a first name?

He does have a first name, though only I know it. He doesn't have a surname though. He is like many people who have let their hobbies take over their life--he knows everything there is to know about crime fiction, but very little else about life. He is, like many crime fiction authors, very self centred, and believes the entire world, and indeed universe, should and does revolve around him. He has a monstrous ego, but is also very shy and lacks confidence. It is not a good combination. Most people he meets he doesn't like, and many of them he would like to hit with a hammer. Fortunately he has so many real or imagined illnesses that he doesn't have the strength to lift a hammer. At heart, he is quite sweet.

How does he feel about becoming a father for the first time?

He is filled with horror at the prospect of no longer being the centre of attention, and is convinced that having a baby is part of a grand conspiracy to rob him of his most treatured possession--the ownership of the finest, and only, mystery bookshop in Belfast.

Who is Dr Yes? Is he based on a real-life plastic surgeon? If yes, should we be worried?!

Clearly he couldn't be based on any real life plastic surgeon! But it is probably a fact that the most successful plastic surgeons are themselves beautiful physical specimens, or will have had the work done to make themselves gorgeous. It's a bit like physician heal thyself. You wouldn't want to go to a plastic surgeon who was plug ugly, would you? Dr. Yes is actually a naturally handsome man, and he also has a winning personality and oodles of charm. He is obviously not to be trusted.

When you are out and about in public, do you go by Colin or Bateman or much-loved, award winning crime writer Colin Bateman?

That's Dr. Bateman to you.