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Baby Juice Express [DVD]

Nick Moran , Philip Davis , Mike Hurst    Suitable for 15 years and over   DVD
4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
Price: 38.97
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Product details

  • Actors: Nick Moran, Philip Davis, Lisa Faulkner, Joe Bugner, Julian Clary
  • Directors: Mike Hurst
  • Producers: Michael Lionello Cowan, Jason Piette, Andreas Bajohra, Bob Portal
  • Format: PAL
  • Language: Castilian
  • Region: Region 2 (This DVD may not be viewable outside Europe. Read more about DVD formats.)
  • Number of discs: 1
  • Classification: 15
  • Studio: Universal Pictures
  • DVD Release Date: 19 April 2004
  • Run Time: 85 minutes
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
  • ASIN: B0001MIRCK
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 144,540 in DVD & Blu-ray (See Top 100 in DVD & Blu-ray)

Reviews

Product Description

A middle class London lad's gangster fantasies go awry when his dodgy uncle puts them in debt to a real life crime boss. Still pulling strings from behind bars, the kingpin's only desire is to conceive an heir by smuggling his sperm to his wife on the outside.

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars We're Not Cockney Geezers Wiv Guns 24 July 2004
Format:DVD
Des (Nick Moran) is a middle-class lad living in Bognor with his sensible girlfriend Laura (Lisa Faulkner). Des dreams of being a gangster while his geezer mate Frank (Phil Davis) is a hopeless, tale-spinning petty criminal always dragging him into dodgy scams. Frank gets them involved in a plan which goes seriously pear-shaped when he is responsible for a lot of money going missing (via a funny cameo by Cleo Roccos).
With the pair in debt to a local criminal, Frank hatches a plot to hijack the Baby Juice Express. A major crime boss who is serving time in prison is smuggling his sperm out via a chain of delivery - The "Express" - to his wife(Samantha Janus) so that she can conceive a child and save his fortune.
After taking the sperm hostage with the help of Laura and posh black pal Sean(Paterson Joseph), Frank and Des plan to demand the sum of their debt as a ransom but the pair have to contend with man-mountain Terry Palooka(Joe Bugner), a hapless Welsh hitman and two gay henchmen(one of whom is Julian Clary, sans makeup).
This film is hugely entertaining, takes the mick out of the "Cockney Geezers Wiv Guns" genre and has some real laugh-out-loud moments - I really enjoyed it. Phil Davis almost steals the film as the "mid-life crisis peroxide weasel" Frank and Nick Moran is excellent as the nice-but-dim Des...but be warned, if overuse of the F word irritates you then you will be twitching a little at the strong language. Otherwise, my son, it's a very enjoyable way to pass a rainy Saturday night with a Ruby.
Extras include a good "making of" documentary, the movie trailer and audio commentary.
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0 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent! 30 Dec 2010
Format:DVD
Wasn't expecting the item to arrive for days; amazingly fast delivery! Product was packaged well, no complaints at all. Thanks!
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com: 3.0 out of 5 stars  2 reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars Too Many Crooks! 21 Oct 2012
By S. Mcroberts - Published on Amazon.com
Format:DVD|Verified Purchase
I actually bought this because of the soundtrack which features the legendary Too Many Crooks from Brighton, England. The movie itself turned out to be quite funny. The plot takes some unexpected twists and turns in the style of Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, and Snatch.If you enjoyed those movies, then you'll get a kick out of this one. If you're a fan of Too Many Crooks, then it's definately one to add to your collection.
2.0 out of 5 stars Hapless Pair Takes Desperate Measures To Ward Off A Colourful Group Of Dangerous Scoundrels. 26 April 2009
By rsoonsa - Published on Amazon.com
Format:DVD
This somewhat botchy English comedy depicts the predicament facing a couple of would-be thugs, Desmond (Nick Moran), and Frank O'Reilly (Phil Davis), whose attempts to illegally acquire a good deal of money have been blocked by an array of genuine thugs who have become waspish due to the clumsy behaviour of these two amateur criminals. A still-born boxing career of Des is marked by his complete lack of pugilistic skill, to the extent that Frank, as his manager, wagers their purse upon his opponents as a matter of course, so that when Des unexpectedly scores a knockout with a lucky punch, the accidental victory is sufficient to plunge them into debt, and in an effort to recoup their loss, the pair resolve to kidnap (for ransom) the "Baby Juice Express", a sperm sample furnished by a convict intended for the use of his girl friend in order to produce an heir. Being a graphic design graduate, any rationale of Des to be one of the bad guys becomes murky to his fiancée Lauren (Lisa Faulkner), as additionally the father of her beau is the Chief Constable of the film's setting, the seaside resort town of Bogner Regis (although the work is actually shot in nearby Southend). Nonetheless, she readily joins in with the men in hopes of finding some semblance of good fortune in what clearly is a chowder-headed scheme to abscond with pilfered mobster semen. The incarcerated felon, one Krawowski (Nick Brimble), is set upon begetting an heir to prevent the Crown from taking, upon his death, his entire asset valuation, and he has as a result appointed various underlings as couriers to smuggle the sordid seed to his turkey baster wielding sweetheart Trixie (Samantha Janus). As the entire population of underworld England is apparently aware of this quaint arrangement, a gullible Desmond learns of it from Frank, who apprises his younger would-be partner-in-crime of the value as ransom material of the potentially procreative substance, that is if they can manage to steal the latest vial. Numerous plotting complexities lead to slapdash adventures for Des and Frank, most of which pose some form of personal danger for them, particularly in the event that they are successful with the attempted theft. The film is produced as well as co-scripted by Moran, who also has the lead role, although having only indifferent success in each category, since there is little here to be found that will be amusing to many, while a great deal of the action is merely crude, and tasteless. Use of local colour is effective, but comedic interest is thin in spite of some well-crafted performances by cast members, notably from Faulkner who gains the acting laurels here with her perfect timing, and from Davis who contributes a fine turn as the senior member of the beleaguered twosome; Moran's to be expected Deer in Headlights acting style is roughly parallel to his playing in LOCK, STOCK AND TWO SMOKING BARRELS (1998). This is a low budgeted affair that yet offers good visual characteristics due to an obviously professional crew, although some colour bleeding, from reds, can be seen. A score from Mark Hinton Stewart is appropriately unobtrusive and smoothly recorded on a Dolby Digital 2.0 track. Unfortunately, a puerile emphasis upon excesses of poor taste within the storyline becomes predominant. The film has been released upon a Win Media DVD that benefits from decent visual and audio quality. Among its"extras" is included a 19 minute "making of" documentary that, while not completely devoid of interest, will be only moderately appealing to viewers other than those who are prepared to give unalloyed approval to the feature film.
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