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Product Description
DEADLY NINJA WISDOM FOR THE NON-NINJA
Carefully consider the joy of your soft-headed ignorance before you begin to run, flip, and jump along the Ninja Path.
After much debate and in a spirit of morbid amusement, the International Order of Ninjas has chosen to produce The Ninja Handbook, the first-ever secret ninja training guide specifically designed for the non-ninja.
Most non-ninjas who handle these delicate, deadly pages will die–probably in an elaborately horrific and painful manner. But whether your journey lasts five seconds or five days or (rather inconceivably) five years, all those who bravely take up this text and follow the tenets and trials laid out within will die knowing they were as ninja as they possibly could’ve been.
For the true of heart or the extremely lucky, this powerful and honorable manuscript contains such phenomenal ninja wisdom as:
•How to create and name your very own lethal ninja clan
•The proper weapon to use when fighting a vampire pumpkin
•Why clowns and robots are so dangerous on the Internet
•Easy-to-follow charts showing when to slice and when to stab
•How to execute such ultradeadly kicks as the Driving Miss Daisy
•Why pretty much every ninja movie ever made sucks
•How to make a shoggoth explode using well-placed foliage
•What the heck a shoggoth is and why you’ll need to make it explode
•Death Aide certification
•And much more ninjafied enlightenment on every shuriken-sharp page!
Remember: People do not take the Path, the Path takes people.
Carefully consider the joy of your soft-headed ignorance before you begin to run, flip, and jump along the Ninja Path.
After much debate and in a spirit of morbid amusement, the International Order of Ninjas has chosen to produce The Ninja Handbook, the first-ever secret ninja training guide specifically designed for the non-ninja.
Most non-ninjas who handle these delicate, deadly pages will die–probably in an elaborately horrific and painful manner. But whether your journey lasts five seconds or five days or (rather inconceivably) five years, all those who bravely take up this text and follow the tenets and trials laid out within will die knowing they were as ninja as they possibly could’ve been.
For the true of heart or the extremely lucky, this powerful and honorable manuscript contains such phenomenal ninja wisdom as:
•How to create and name your very own lethal ninja clan
•The proper weapon to use when fighting a vampire pumpkin
•Why clowns and robots are so dangerous on the Internet
•Easy-to-follow charts showing when to slice and when to stab
•How to execute such ultradeadly kicks as the Driving Miss Daisy
•Why pretty much every ninja movie ever made sucks
•How to make a shoggoth explode using well-placed foliage
•What the heck a shoggoth is and why you’ll need to make it explode
•Death Aide certification
•And much more ninjafied enlightenment on every shuriken-sharp page!
Remember: People do not take the Path, the Path takes people.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
Format:Paperback
Being a big fan of the Ask a Ninja series (and books in general) it seemed a no brainer to buy the Ask a Ninja's 'The Ninja Handbook'.
The book does not disappoint, all the insanse/random humour returns with new aspects i.e. pictures of various monsters (see inside book) and 'worksheets' for the budding ninja to fill out. However the book never loses that certain style of humour that the online series created, as even the front cover of the book says 'This book looks forward to killing you soon', an obvious take on Ask a Ninjas classic comment 'I look forward to killing you soon'.
So what is the book about? Basically it's a comedy piece about becoming a Ninja, Rising from the rank of 'Non Ninja' to 'Nonja', 'Ninjaish', 'Ninjalike', 'Whoooooooo' and finally 'ITAN (Is That A Ninja?)'. The book gives details on how to obtain each rank of 'Ninjaship' and finally what to do after you reach the final rank of ITAN. Of cource this task is impossible, as anyone stupid enough to actually do the things described in the book will end up in jail/dead. Hence COMEDY piece.
So what if you have never heard of Ask a Ninja? Do you like a good laugh? Then this book would still be for you. The content may be a little odd for some people, and just a tad too violent for the child audience; however for everyone inbetween, this book may not make you into a Ninja but you will have a great time reading about how to 'become' one and about the 'Ninja' ways.
Overall if you enjoy Ask a Ninja online and aren't afraid to pick up a book, you will probably like Ask a Ninja's, The Ninja Handbook. A pleasure to read and a laugh a page, this is a must buy for any Ninja Wannabe/Ask a Ninja Fan
The book does not disappoint, all the insanse/random humour returns with new aspects i.e. pictures of various monsters (see inside book) and 'worksheets' for the budding ninja to fill out. However the book never loses that certain style of humour that the online series created, as even the front cover of the book says 'This book looks forward to killing you soon', an obvious take on Ask a Ninjas classic comment 'I look forward to killing you soon'.
So what is the book about? Basically it's a comedy piece about becoming a Ninja, Rising from the rank of 'Non Ninja' to 'Nonja', 'Ninjaish', 'Ninjalike', 'Whoooooooo' and finally 'ITAN (Is That A Ninja?)'. The book gives details on how to obtain each rank of 'Ninjaship' and finally what to do after you reach the final rank of ITAN. Of cource this task is impossible, as anyone stupid enough to actually do the things described in the book will end up in jail/dead. Hence COMEDY piece.
So what if you have never heard of Ask a Ninja? Do you like a good laugh? Then this book would still be for you. The content may be a little odd for some people, and just a tad too violent for the child audience; however for everyone inbetween, this book may not make you into a Ninja but you will have a great time reading about how to 'become' one and about the 'Ninja' ways.
Overall if you enjoy Ask a Ninja online and aren't afraid to pick up a book, you will probably like Ask a Ninja's, The Ninja Handbook. A pleasure to read and a laugh a page, this is a must buy for any Ninja Wannabe/Ask a Ninja Fan
1 of 4 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
The fast paced humour of the Ask-A-Ninja, Ninja, doesn't translate well to the written page. I found the humour in written form to be tedious, stale and didn't hold a candle to the punchy, quick delivery style of the video works.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com:
34 reviews
30 of 33 people found the following review helpful
Pure Ninja Awesomness
9 Sep 2008
Format:Paperback
When my Ninja Handbook arrived I was full of sweet anticipation and let me say...it NEVER disappoints! It's hilarious and page-turnery and full of charts and illustrations and pictures and seriously funny instructions and guidelines and exercises and beasts and weapons...and I mean PACKED FULL! It's got somewhere around 300 pages and I didn't want to stop reading it. And it's FUNNY...pop-culture skewering, very well written and non-repetitive. Two last words before I die: BUY IT!
17 of 18 people found the following review helpful
This book turned me into a lethal death machine
21 Sep 2008
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
I can't thank the International Order of Ninjas enough for allowing this book to be published. I killed two grandmothers and a wiener dog, and that was before I finished the third chapter! I will never go to jail, because I can smoke-bomb my way out of any situation. An indefensible reference for all that want to become phantasmal assassins lurking in the shadows of society.
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
This Book Is Approved by the International Order of the Ninja for a Reason!
9 Sep 2008
Format:Paperback
This book is THE book if you want one that will teach you all about being a ninja. You too can learn why the ninja is looking forward to killing you soon and maybe even why he's going to do it.
[...]Buy this book. You'll be glad you did both. They're both very funny, smart and entertaining. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and hey if you're lucky you might even live to tell about it.
[...]Buy this book. You'll be glad you did both. They're both very funny, smart and entertaining. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and hey if you're lucky you might even live to tell about it.
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