Ask the Man Who Owns Him [Paperback]

Even though my "family" is profiled in this book, it was true validation to read the other profiles to see that there is no particular rule or norm or protocol to be in a D/s relationship and make it work. Every story is unique and has its own path. Wonderful! Great writing and editing by david and David. Thanks to everyone who participated so that W/we could all get this validation!

Author slave david stein's and collaborator David Schachter`s genius lies in their ability to listen. How much easier it would have been to launch into flights of erotic fantasy--but, no. They listen to the real lives of gay men having successful long term Master/slave relationships--however the men involved define it.
As the Chapter Leader of Masters And slaves Together (MAsT NY) I have used Ask the Man Who Owns Him for discussion groups and readings. This book is an invaluable resource, both personally for those involved in Dominant/submissive relationships and for those who are just testing the waters for themselves--and want/need a reality check.
This book confirms that not only do these relationships exist, but they can be successful. And they can be successful in ways which erotic fiction never dreams.

In 1996, in the 14th issue of the long gone Magazine "International Leatherman," David Stein guest edited and produced a volume that was strictly about real life Master and slave couples. Oddly enough, it was not one of the magazine's better selling volumes (frankly, no jo stories...), but it soon became a highly sought collector's issue. It laid out, in detail, that these folks not only existed, but they were RARELY similar.

Over 10 years later, David revisits this idea on "Ask The Man Who Owns Him." While the criterion for inclusion in this book is similar (gay male couples identifying as M/s in relationships for at least 3 years), the couples profiled are anything but. There's polyamory, monogamy, strict protocols, deep spirituality, deep division. They live together, they're separated by state lines. They self identify in all manner of 'title.' Some came into their relationships naturally, others evolved, some were seeming thrust into them. These pairings are everything but interchangeable.

Yet for so many fetish fantasists, all M/s relationships are invariable. Even David's own highly recommended Carried Away: An S/M Romance is still fiction. Such assorted hogwash as "Mr. Benson," "The Story of O," et al give distorted views that can't sustain a real world challenge. "Ask The Man Who Owns Him" does a great deal to dispel the mythology that has too long lingered around true practitioners of this life, who invited David Stein and David Schachter into their homes and personal worlds. This book is NOT someone telling you they know what you want and how to get it. This book reclaims the fringe that - in some circles - would portray these folk as outlaw sexualists.

Even as the men (and in a few cases here, women) would probably snort at that 'outlaw' description, there is one thing that "Ask The Man Who Owns Him" does show as a common denominator. Each of the men that have bonded in these relationships truly care about each other. Be their references Master, slave, owner, property or however they refer to themselves, they are all couples. They're all for real. It's the reality portrayed by "Ask The Man That Owns Him" that makes the book invaluable.

Full Disclosure - I am friends with several of the couple portrayed in the book, but that my friendship should not all dissuade you from reading it.