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Apocalypse Cow [Kindle Edition]

Michael Logan
4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (71 customer reviews)

Print List Price: £7.99
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Book Description

When scientists with warped imaginations accidentally unleash an experimental bioweapon that transforms Britain's animals into sneezing, bloodthirsty zombies with a penchant for pre-dinner sex with their victims, three misfits become the unlikely hope for salvation.

Abattoir worker Terry Borders' love life is crippled by the stench of death that clings to his skin from his days spent slaughtering cows; teenage vegan Geldof 'Scabby' Peters alternates between scratching furiously at his rash and baiting his overbearing New Age mother; and inept journalist Lesley McBrien struggles forlornly in the shadow of her famous war correspondent father.

As Britain begins a rapid descent into chaos and ministers blame international terrorists, Lesley stumbles upon evidence that the government is behind the outbreak. In her bumbling pursuit of the truth, she crosses paths with Terry and Geldof, and together they set out to escape a quarantined Britain with the evidence and vital data that could unlock a cure for the virus.

Standing in the way are rampaging hordes of animals, a ruthless security agent and an army ready to shoot anybody with a case of the sniffles...

Three losers. Overwhelming odds. A single outcome: the world is screwed.

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Product Description


"Apocalypse Cow made me snort with laughter" (TERRY PRATCHETT)

"A fast-paced dark comedy stuffed with violence, sprinkled with sex, reminiscent of Tom Sharpe, including witty lines and observations that are Pratchett-esque in their pointiness." (Sunday Express)

"A comic, blood-soaked times a hilarious social satire, and at others an action-packed gore fest, sure to please fans of the traditional zombie accomplished novel by a promising writer." (Press Association)

"The writing is full of sardonic wit and wordplay, much in the same way of Pratchett’s Discworld, and each chapter begins with a pun (this is somewhat to be expected in a book called Apocalypse Cow, but will leave readers laughing and groaning in equal measure)" (Bookgeeks)

"Michael Logan's black comedy is an absurd yet utterly addictive read." (Stylist magazine)

Book Description

Forget the cud. They want outrageously entertaining and original take on the 'zombie apocalypse' - joint winner of the first Terry Pratchett 'Anywhere But Here, Anywhen But Now' Prize...

Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 781 KB
  • Print Length: 352 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 1250032865
  • Publisher: Transworld Digital (10 May 2012)
  • Sold by: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B007NG92OE
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (71 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #106,488 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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More About the Author

Michael Logan is a Scottish author and journalist, whose writing career has taken him across the globe.

Apocalypse Cow, which won Terry Pratchett's Anywhere But Here, Anywhen But Now Prize, was his first novel. His second novel, Wannabes, is now out as an eBook. The sequel to Apocalypse Cow, entitled World War Moo, will be released by St. Martin's Press in June 2015.

Michael's short fiction has appeared in The Telegraph and literary journals such as Chapman. His piece We Will Go on Ahead and Wait for You won Fish Publishing's 2008 international One-Page Fiction Prize.

He currently lives in Nairobi, Kenya, and is married with a young daughter and son. More information can be found on his website:

You can follow him on twitter @MichaelLogan or on Facebook at

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
By Nicola F (Nic) TOP 500 REVIEWER
First of all I will say that I have a phobia of cows, so add that in to the fact that this book has zombie cows on the rampage through the whole of Britain and you do in fact have my worst nightmare!

The book starts off with sneezing cows at an abattoir. Caught up in a virulent epidemic they attack the abattoir workers and start eating them- only it doesn't stop there. Despite the government's best efforts to torch the place and cover up the evidence, one lone cow escapes and pretty soon it isn't just the cows that are sneezing, slavering zombies...

I have to say that I'm not usually a massive fan of horror books, but this was a novel that I really enjoyed and kept me turning the pages. It is written in a very witty way with some cracking one-liners but also some laugh out loud dialogue. With some gory scenes, explosive action and a road trip thrown in for good measure, the pace is steady and the plot varied enough to keep the reader interested.

The character development isn't extensive in this novel, but then again in this genre I often find this is the case and the focus is more on the action. You don't really get to know many of the characters on more than a superficial level, though I did like eczema suffering teen Geldof and Terry. Terry I think, was the only character who really seemed to change throughout the progression of the story.

I think if you enjoy horror comedy films like `Shaun of the Dead' or `Black Sheep' then you will appreciate this book. Should there be a sequel (it has been left open for one) then I would most definitely like to read it.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars In a Great Tradition 5 July 2012
Format:Hardcover|Vine Customer Review of Free Product (What's this?)
Initially a solitary cow, but then whole herds followed by all the other wildlife in the UK are infected with a virus which makes them want to mate and kill, basically in that order. Sounds improbable? Well, that is the whole idea. The author does a great job in creating a wholly ludicrous scenario, which is the object of the exercise. It is no exaggeration to say that Apocalypse Cow is in the proud tradition of the masters of this genre such as Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams and Tom Sharpe.

The choice of main characters is an essential ingredient if this sort of story is to work, and here the main players are thrown together and prove to be a bizarre, ineffective and unlikely group. As it says on the back cover, can these people sort things out? Yup, we're screwed......... Geldof is the teenage offspring of a couple of hippyish, dope smoking, love making parents. Lesley is a somewhat inept journalist who chances on the truth and manages to make a complete hash of it. Finally Terry, who is an abattoir worker and who survives the first terrible attack of the homicidal, sex crazed ruminants.

This tale does get a life of its own after a while, and ceases to be a collection of clever gags, as the trio find each other and, one hesitates to say make progress, but rather more are carried along by events. I did wonder how Michael Logan was going to wrap this one up, but in the end he does so rather elegantly I thought. It is hard enough to produce a page or two of witty narrative, and certainly quite an achievement to keep it going for 350 pages. This really is an enjoyable romp and one where the reader needs to suspend disbelief and go with the flow.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Tongue in cheek zombie animal splatterfest 26 May 2012
Format:Hardcover|Vine Customer Review of Free Product (What's this?)
If Apocalypse Cow were a film it would be a low budget B-movie.

The plot can almost be discerned from the title, and certainly when you read the blurb on the back, you've pretty much got the whole story, biological warfare virus which turns cows (and other animals) into sex-crazed killers escapes from laboratory. Cast of disparate losers seek to survive the attacks of both the animals and the authorities seeking to cover up the disaster.
The three main characters are an unsuccessful journalist, Lesley, a disillusioned abattoir worker, Terry and hormonally challenged geeky teenager Geldof.

It is a book in which the body count is high, the humour painted (initially at least) with a very broad brush and the whole thing is splattered with a considerable amount of gore.

Early on I didn't really think I'd like the book, the characterisation, particularly of Geldof's mother, seeming to be rather lazily stereotyped.

However, by the end of things I found myself to be somewhat charmed by the whole thing. The humour while at times unsubtle, is definitely British humour of inadequacy and sexual frustration, rather than being coarser American Frat-boy style. You could see this being made into a low budget exploitation flick, but its vice is violence and gore rather than sexual. The central love story is rather sweet, and while the two protagonists do "get it on" it is not in the least leery or boorish.

Also, the blurb refers to Terry Pratchett snorting with laughter. I found that spot on, there are sufficient good one liners to provoke exactly that reaction. I won't spoil any by repeating them here.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
By Annabel Gaskell VINE VOICE
A comedy thriller featuring sex-crazed zombie cows - The publicity says "Shaun the Sheep meets Shaun of the Dead". Shouldn't work, but somehow it does! It recently won a half-share of the inaugural Terry Pratchett "Anywhere But Here, Anywhen But Now" Prize, set up by Sir Terry with publisher Transworld. So what's it about then?

Strange things are happening in Scotland. Some cows have gone mad in an abattoir, and the situation is being dealt with...Meanwhile: Teenager Geldof Peters, is itching, allergic to the hemp clothes his rabid hippy vegan mother makes him wear; Terry works at the abattoir, and is paranoid a) about getting a girlfriend, who b) is immune to the stench of death that clings to him from his job; and Lesley McBrien is a journalist under pressure - she's being made redundant and only a scoop will do.

These three disparate losers will end up being flung together in a race for their lives to get the full story out of Britain which, as more animals become infected, becomes a martial state and is quarantined by the rest of the world. The story is that the zombie-animal disease is a bio-weapon unleased by terrorists, but Lesley, Terry and Geldof know differently, as does their pursuer, the evil Mr Brown who will do anything to prevent the truth from getting out...

Geldof reminded me rather of Adrian Mole, although not as pompous, and of course his family with their lofty eco-credentials were easy targets for parody. They contrasted with their oafish burger-loving neighbours neatly, which gave plenty of scope for jokes about lentils.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Boss
This book was very interesting and as soon as I started reading it I couldn't pit it down. Quite gruesome at times.
Published 12 months ago by Tania Davies
4.0 out of 5 stars Witty, clever and engaging
I’d been meaning to read this for a few years since it was announced as co-winner of the inaugural Terry Pratchett award, and I’ve finally got round to it. Read more
Published 14 months ago by Jim J-R
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read!
This is my favourite book at the moment! It has everything in it, its great and hilarious! I would recommend to everyone!
Published 17 months ago by Mags
5.0 out of 5 stars Splendid book!
Hilarious and imaginative, its easy to see why its an award winner. Thoroughly nutty in the best possible way and amidst the gore and comedy strangely thoughtful.
Published 20 months ago by R. K. Middleton
3.0 out of 5 stars Not what i expected..
It took a small amount of time to get going but once it did the story went off in a few different directions, some more successful and unexpected than others. Read more
Published 20 months ago by Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Caution I got a sore jaw from continually grinning.
Recommended by a Facebook group I follow. Absolutely ace, a great holiday read. Zombie thriller with a comedy twist. A great read for Teenagers and adults alike. Read more
Published on 11 July 2013 by D Dinger
1.0 out of 5 stars Enjoy laughing at rape?
A couple of questions to ask yourself before buying this book.

Do you like books where rape scenes are played for laughs? Read more
Published on 7 July 2013 by Mr. Mj Flatt
5.0 out of 5 stars Apocalypse Cow wow
Dark Humor, with ironic twists.
look forward to some more from Michael Logan, in the near future to read and enjoy
Published on 12 Jun. 2013 by traumawolf
5.0 out of 5 stars Horny killer zombie cows, What more do you want???
Absolutely awesome read! Totally understand why this author won the Terry Pratchett award. I mean whats not to enjoy when killer cows, rubbish reporters, horny teens and nasty... Read more
Published on 5 Jun. 2013 by huzefa ishaki
5.0 out of 5 stars Very good read
Great book can't wait for the next one and I think it would make a good film well worth reading
Published on 12 April 2013 by Tidyupmick
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