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I GREW UP IN A MIDWESTERN IMMIGRANT COMMUNITY where everyone I looked up to came from someplace else. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Back Cover
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This book helped me understand that I was experiencing grief where no death/s had actually taken place but where the sense of loss was no less profound.
Grief is attributed in a number of different circumstances and reading about these helped me to look at ways in which I could better cope and ultimately reach some form of resolution.
The first several pages of the book constitute one of the finest examples I have ever read of what Aristotle meant by ethos and pathos as powerful elements of rhetoric. Professor Boss masterfully and unpretentiously builds our confidence in her character and credibility from the first paragraph. Then she quickly grabs our hearts and never lets go.
The humility with which the author presents her thesis is so utterly refreshing: no pontificating, no posturing, no attacking or discounting beliefs or experiences different from her own.
But what touched and gratified me most of all is the extraordinary grace and sensitivity Ms. Boss has achieved in this work. Into and among the facts and conclusions, the science if you will, she has woven powerful, heart-wrenching stories and personal experiences--all of which are further enhanced by her deft references to beloved works of art, literature, poetry and music. What a rich, vibrant tapestry! Or, in light of the warmth, honesty and and lack of self consciousness in her writing, maybe it would more accurate to compare the book to one of her Grandmother Elsbeth's quilts.
As I remember, one quote on the jacket said that this is a "healing" book. That may very well be an understatement. And the application is universal. I'm sure my tears came in part from my recognition of several instances of unresolved ambiguous loss in my own life.
I am grateful to Pauline Boss for touching my heart deeply, for creating a new awareness in me and for helping me to begin some of my own healing.
Be warned: You will not find in these pages much practical advice for dealing with ambiguous loss. Boss's main goal seems to be convincing other therapists and laypeople that ambiguous loss exists. The one concrete step she advocates is family sessions with one or more therapists in attendance for illness-related losses, mainly Alzheimer's.
In non-illness related loss, the book is weak. Boss skims by the effects of a father or mother disappearing after a divorce; families with a history of cutting off family members; the fading of once-close friendships; loss experienced after the ending of an illicit relationship; or rejection in professional situations. She acknowledges these are losses but not how to approach them as such.
In short, if you as an individual already know you are grieving an ambiguous loss and want specific help in dealing with that, you'll find this book disappointing. You'll do better to purchase books on grief/the grieving process.
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