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Alone Together: Making an Asperger Marriage Work Paperback – 15 May 2007

35 customer reviews

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Product details

  • Paperback: 128 pages
  • Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers; 1 edition (15 May 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1843105373
  • ISBN-13: 978-1843105374
  • Product Dimensions: 15.2 x 0.7 x 22.9 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (35 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 128,906 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • See Complete Table of Contents

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Review

This book could change your relationship and your life. -- Tony Attwood, author of The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome A really honest and accurate account of what it is like living in a relationship with a man who is affected by Asperger syndrome. There will be something in this book for any one living in such a relationship and it will provide an invaluable guide to professionals who wish to develop their understanding of Asperger relationships. Katrin describes very honestly both the ups and downs of living with her husband Gavin and shows the difference that awareness, understanding and commitment can make towards the success of living with this complex syndrome. -- Maxine Aston, author of Aspergers in Love and The other half of Asperger Syndrome Katrin Bentley has been married for 18 years. Communication is one of the biggest challenges faced by people with Asperger's Syndrome yet Asperger marriages require communication more than any other relationship. Alone Together shares the struggle of one couple to rescue their marriage. Since receiving her husband's diagnosis of AS, their marriage has improved substantially. They learnt to accept each other's different approaches to life, and found ways to overcome problems and misunderstandings. The book includes tips on making an Asperger marriage succeed. -- Autism Us Bentley is lively and informative regarding life in an AS (Asperger Syndrome) household and practitioners would gain insight into the realities by reading this book. -- Therapy Today

About the Author

Katrin Bentley was born in Switzerland but now lives in Queensland, Australia, with her husband, Gavin, who has Asperger's Syndrome. Katrin volunteers at Asperger Services Australia. She is also a qualified primary school teacher and fitness instructor.

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Customer Reviews

4.2 out of 5 stars

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

76 of 76 people found the following review helpful By Mr. M. R. Henderson on 25 Sept. 2007
Format: Paperback
This book has probably saved my marriage overnight. I have AS but didn't realise how my words and actions were affecting my wife. She couldn't understand why I treated her so badly but acted as if everything was OK. This book has given my wife the answers. She realises that my actions and words were not aimed at her and that I did really love her. I am now aware how I affect those around me. The book has allowed the two of us to realise that we can live together each armed with an understanding of the others perspective. If you or your partner have AS you must read this.
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23 of 23 people found the following review helpful By Mrs. Sl Parry on 6 Dec. 2008
Format: Paperback
This book is fantastic, my husband has AS , and this book has helped me understand him more, and saved my marriage.
I couldnt put it down and read it cover to cover in one go, and when finished everything in my life was clearer.
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13 of 13 people found the following review helpful By LuLu on 9 Jan. 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
my husband was diagnosed at the age of 40 with aspergers....reading this book i could relate exactly to katrin and how hurtful and sometimes impossible it can be being married to an aspie, and i cried whilst reading experiences that she had been faced with from her husband, as i was going through the exact same marriage problems.
i dont know if reading this book will save our marriage, but it has made me feel that i am not alone and katrin has obviously been subjected to the same problems as i have had.
unless you have been married to an aspie, i really dont think you have a clue about how bad it can be at times!
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful By anonymous on 30 Mar. 2013
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
OMG this book is about me, 51 years old and discovered i've got ASD. First noticed behaviour in my son and we are dealing with that - where did he get it from? Me? OMG YES! Where my marriage is going is not concluded but I'm aware of ASD and fighting to save it. The lady in this book is a saint, after all the perceived bad behaviour and the loss of love between couples it is hard to reconnect - not so hard for the logical ASD but for the feeling NT it is a struggle. Asked my wife to read it and she cried. " It's brought it all back to me!" she said. To me it's a Eureka moment, i've often felt different, thought I was shy, avoided conflict, been internally stressed. I could write a book! Read this and weep - if like me rejoice at the discovery and get to work on yourself!
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By Kerry Anne Ford on 22 May 2014
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Although this book was well written and quite informative and it had many Aha moments, I still feel like being married to someone with aspergers is too exhausting, life is hard enough without the added stress of living and trying to understand your partner to this degree.

I was with my partner for 13 years he had undiagnosed AS but he definitely without a shadow of a doubt had AS. I wish I had known earlier that he was on the spectrum it would have stopped me and our son suffering him for years. I was of course looking at my relationship through neurotypical eyes and logic and with that logic I tried and tried to understand him and make him happy, but while I was trying to make him happy I thought who is trying to make me happy? I was totally exhausted, resentful, angry and depressed for a long time and then one day I snapped and told him it was over. It wasn't easy but its been worth it, I am now finding out that I am not stupid and forgetful and unreliable, untidy and many other things, I am actually funny, intelligent, good company and certainly I am not stupid! a man actually laughed outloud at some of my comments which made me remember my old self. I am finding my way out of a fog which I was in for many years.

For me and my son the personal price was too much to pay I had to get out of that anxious environment before it affected me and our son anymore, so I left. I was sick of his anger his self righteousness,pomposity his criticism the lack of support, affection I could carry on but if you are in a relationship with someone with AS you will already know what I mean. Good luck if you can break through I didn't want to try anymore and get nothing back.

I am not suggesting that everyone who has AS is the same as my ex partner I am sure many aspies are wonderful people.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful By Helen on 2 July 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I must admit that within the first few pages of Alone Together: Making an Asperger Marriage Work, especially 'The Cactus and the Rose'poem, I had a real good feeling about this book. After looking for along time at different books I think I have found the one that could have been written by me. I dip in and out of the book because being so close at heart it brings tears of relief that there is hope that maybe our worlds can co exist. There's not alot around for Aspergers Marriages and each one is unique to the individual/s so it's best to do a bit of ground work first to make sure that the book is right for you.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful By G. A. Page on 2 Aug. 2011
Format: Paperback
As per some of the other reviews, this book could have been written about my marriage to a partner with Aspergers! What an insight and amazing how many of our own experiences it brought to life - chapter 3 reminded me that my husband said his vows to the priest and completely ignored me at our wedding!!! As the book went on, so did the memories of incidents from the last 20 years - this book meant we were able to talk about them and has certainly opened up the commuications channels for the first time in a long while. Calm, clear communication is a key message from the book. Certainly worth a read.
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