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Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Is a Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child [Paperback]

Laura Davis
4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (25 customer reviews)
Price: 10.12 & FREE Delivery in the UK. Details
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Book Description

9 July 2013

"But what about me?"
"Is it possible to go one day without dealing with the survivor's issues?"
"Will we ever make love again?"
"Will the survivor love me in the end?"
"How do I know if I should throw in the towel?"

Based on in-depth interviews and her workshops for partners across the country, Laura Davis offers practical advice and encouragement to all partners—girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses, and lovers—trying to support the survivors in their lives while tending to their own needs along the way. She shows couples how to deepen compassion, improve communication, and develop an understanding of healing as a shared activity. Addressing partners' most important questions, Allies in Healing covers:

  • The Basics—answers common questions about sexual abuse.
  • Allies in Healing—introduces key concepts of working and growing together.
  • My Needs and Feelings—teaches partners to recognize, value, and express their own needs.
  • Dealing with Crisis—includes strategies for handling suicidal feelings, regression, and hopelessness.
  • Intimacy and Communication—offers practical advice on dealing with distancing, control, trust, and fighting.
  • Sex—provides guidelines for coping with flashbacks, lack of desire, differences in sexual needs, and frustration.
  • Family lssues—suggests a range of ideas for interacting with the survivor's family.
  • Partners' Stories—explores the struggles, triumphs, and courage of eight partners.

Frequently Bought Together

Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Is a Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child + The Courage To Heal: A Guide For Women Survivors Of Child Sexual Abuse + The Courage to Heal Workbook: For Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
Price For All Three: 33.51

Buy the selected items together


Product details

  • Paperback: 368 pages
  • Publisher: William Morrow Paperbacks; 1 edition (9 July 2013)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0060968834
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060968830
  • Product Dimensions: 23.4 x 15.7 x 2.5 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (25 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 58,761 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

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Product Description

About the Author

Laura Davis is the author of The Courage to Heal Workbook, Allies in Healing, Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, and I Thought We'd Never Speak Again. She teaches writing and lives with her family in Santa Cruz, California.


Inside This Book (Learn More)
First Sentence
In the last fifteen years, the sexual abuse of children has become an acknowledged social and political problem. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
45 of 46 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Understanding is Priceless 7 Sep 2003
Format:Paperback
Reading some of the reviews of this title I thought I'd better add some of my own thoughts.
Yes, false accusations happen, yes families are ruined by them, but through this book you will be able to astablish a definite view of your relationship. I never doubted my partner, everything seemed to click into place when she accepted her abuse. Her abuse seemed to explain so many of the issues we faced as a couple and that had hitherto confused me.
But for me, who could never be as close to the situation as my partner was, her early recovery was a nightmare. I was unsure what I could do to help, unsure what she needed and didn't need and when my own emotions reached fever pitch I bought this book to try to make sense of them. I was starting to be eaten by my Partner's grief and was feeling overwhelmed.
And help it did. It helped me to understand why some things are like they are and why they aren't going to change overnight. It helped me by explaining my partner in a way she physically couldn't. And it helped me to assess my own attitudes and needs and to ensure that I remained as fulfilled as I could whilst still supporting and loving my partner.
One reviewer says that the book doesn't provide long term answers. True it doesn't, but that's because one size doesn't fit all - the path every couple need to take is different and the outcome of that journey will be unique. I don't want a book to make false promises. Dealing with the effects of abuse is hard both for the survivor and their partner. This book eases that journey.
Incidentally, if you're in a similar position to me expect lots of tears as you read this book, but you'll feel so much better for them.
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17 of 18 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
If you find yourself in the position of being the partner/close friend of a survivor you are placed in a dilemma - who do you speak to? Where do I find information on the subject? There very little support out there for the partner. This book is therefore the partner's bible - it deals with many of the questions that you will be asking yourself - some of which are deeply painful. If you need reassurance/guidance then pick-up a copy of this book and you will gain a deep insight into the subject - this book would also be an excellent reference for councilors. I simply cant recommend this book highly enough.
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12 of 13 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Must read! 22 April 2001
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
The book is divided in two parts: partner's questions and partner's stories. Both are written in a shockingly realistic down to earth style. This is a must read book for all partners of sexual abuse survivors. It does help you sort out your confusions, worries, and anxieties. But still, you have to do the work yourself. Yet, it asks the right questions getting you on the way to find your own answers.
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18 of 20 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Supporters Find Answers in Allies in Healing 25 Jun 1997
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
If The Courage To Heal is the sine qua non for survivors of child sexual abuse, Allies in Healing is required reading for partners and loved ones of survivors and victims.

Written in straightforward question and answer format by one of the authors of the best-selling Courage To Heal, Allies in Healing covers topics ranging from dealing with emotions (your own included) to confronting the perpetrator to sexuality.

Allies In Healing also includes the personal stories of a few partners of survivors. Written frankly, the book admits that not all relationships with survivors are destined for success, but also speaks of the incredible benefits of such a relationship.

For anyone who is a loved one or partner of a survivor should turn to this book first- it is the companion to Courage To Heal and will provide many answers to some of the most pressing questions.
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9 of 10 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A real life-saver 3 Nov 2005
By Amazon Customer VINE VOICE
Format:Paperback
This book has been a real life-saver to me as the partner of a sexual abuse survivor. It's full of practical advice and written in a question-and-answer format, making it easy to dip into and find what you need. Apart from the case studies at the end, I'd say one third of this book is information on sexual abuse and how survivors are affected, and the remaining two thirds are advice on how to cope as a partner. The book emphasises that partners have needs too and gives advice on how to communicate and meet those needs, set boundaries, and take care of yourself during times of crisis - as well as help your partner to the best of your ability. Highly recommended.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
This is a very helpful book. It is relatively easy to read and helps you identify your own issues and how they relate to your partner's issues. It helped me know that I was not alone in my feelings and experiences regarding my husband's abuse as a child. I strongly recommend this book!
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A real life-saver 3 Nov 2005
By Amazon Customer VINE VOICE
Format:Paperback
This book has been a real life-saver to me as the partner of a sexual abuse survivor. It's full of practical advice and written in a question-and-answer format, making it easy to dip into and find what you need. Apart from the case studies at the end, I'd say one third of this book is information on sexual abuse and how survivors are affected, and the remaining two thirds are advice on how to cope as a partner. The book emphasises that partners have needs too and gives advice on how to communicate and meet those needs, set boundaries, and take care of yourself during times of crisis - as well as help your partner to the best of your ability. Highly recommended.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent resource for Partners
Excellent resource for partners of those who are survivors of child sexual abuse. I routinely recommend this to clients, although sometimes caution them to dip in and out rather... Read more
Published 28 days ago by Clare Myatt (nee Bowen-Davies)
2.0 out of 5 stars Poor
Found this read quite difficult. Some of the terminology was quite patronising.
I bought this as a self help and to be used by my husband and he put the book down after half... Read more
Published 2 months ago by Dorothy Moss
5.0 out of 5 stars Thanks
This book arrived in good conditions & on time i'm supposed to give this to my partner but i'm taking time as subject still very delicate between us. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Poppy
5.0 out of 5 stars Great value
Ordered this as a gift. It arrived on time and was in perfect condition. Great value for money and a very useful book for anyone living with a survivor of abuse or for anyone... Read more
Published 9 months ago by gina read
3.0 out of 5 stars Average
This book helped me to understand some of the difficulties faced when dealing with someone who suffers from child abuse but it is very much based on America and overall I did not... Read more
Published 9 months ago by Tina27
1.0 out of 5 stars This author's a fraud
People who have no training and no scientific research to draw upon should not be writing books masquerading as authoritative figures, emotionally abusing people who are... Read more
Published 14 months ago by Subjectively objective
5.0 out of 5 stars Written for me
This book is sooo helpful. Everything written in it is so relevant to me, this is going to be my bible.
Published 15 months ago by Mrs. H. Jamieson
5.0 out of 5 stars Wow
Considering the prevalence of child abuse and related post-traumatic stress, I'm surprised there are so few books like this one. Read more
Published 20 months ago by Angharad
5.0 out of 5 stars Not 100% helpful but some lightbulbs were helped into the on position.
A very good book.

But not the answer I was totally looking for.

I can't mark it down for this though as there is very little proper information out there for... Read more
Published on 3 Sep 2010 by Why God Why.
4.0 out of 5 stars Good, but no substitute for the counselling you probably need...
There are very very few books around specifically aimed at those supporting survivors through their recovery, which is a tremendous shame as those of us in that position also... Read more
Published on 30 Jan 2010 by A Customer
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