- Hardcover: 350 pages
- Publisher: Harpercollins; 1 edition (1991)
- Language English
- ISBN-10: 0060552999
- ISBN-13: 978-0060552992
- Product Dimensions: 20.8 x 14.2 x 3 cm
- Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars See all reviews (17 customer reviews)
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 1,488,704 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Product Description
Synopsis
Focusing on people who were sexually abused as chilren, and based on interviews and her workshops for partners across the country, Laura Davies offers practical advice and encouragement to all partners - girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses and lovers - trying to support the survivors in their lives while tending to their own needs along the way. She shows couples how to deepen compassion, improve communication, and develop an understanding of healing as a shared activity. Addressing partners' most important questions, this book answers common questions about sexual abuse, introduces key concepts of working and growing together, includes strategies for handling suicidal feelings, regression and hopelessness, offers practical advice on healing with distancing, control, trust and fighting, provides guidelines for coping with flashbacks, lack of desire, differences in sexual needs and frustration, and explores the struggles, triumphs and courage of eight partners. Laura Davis is a co-author of "The Courage to Heal" and author of "The Courage to Heal Workbook".
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First Sentence
In the last fifteen years, the sexual abuse of children has become an acknowledged social and political problem. Read the first page
Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
In the last fifteen years, the sexual abuse of children has become an acknowledged social and political problem. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
40 of 40 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
Reading some of the reviews of this title I thought I'd better add some of my own thoughts.
Yes, false accusations happen, yes families are ruined by them, but through this book you will be able to astablish a definite view of your relationship. I never doubted my partner, everything seemed to click into place when she accepted her abuse. Her abuse seemed to explain so many of the issues we faced as a couple and that had hitherto confused me.
But for me, who could never be as close to the situation as my partner was, her early recovery was a nightmare. I was unsure what I could do to help, unsure what she needed and didn't need and when my own emotions reached fever pitch I bought this book to try to make sense of them. I was starting to be eaten by my Partner's grief and was feeling overwhelmed.
And help it did. It helped me to understand why some things are like they are and why they aren't going to change overnight. It helped me by explaining my partner in a way she physically couldn't. And it helped me to assess my own attitudes and needs and to ensure that I remained as fulfilled as I could whilst still supporting and loving my partner.
One reviewer says that the book doesn't provide long term answers. True it doesn't, but that's because one size doesn't fit all - the path every couple need to take is different and the outcome of that journey will be unique. I don't want a book to make false promises. Dealing with the effects of abuse is hard both for the survivor and their partner. This book eases that journey.
Incidentally, if you're in a similar position to me expect lots of tears as you read this book, but you'll feel so much better for them. The relief combined with a renewed understanding of the issues your partner faces and how you interect with them makes this book well worth the money.
Don't worry about finding time to read it, the book is set in a nice Q&A style which means you can dip in to relevent areas quickly and spend time later reading the less relevent material.
All in all, if you're in the situation of needing support in this situation you really can't start with a better book.
Finally, the survivor in your life should try "The Courage to Heal" co-written by the same author with Ellen Bass
18 of 18 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
If The Courage To Heal is the sine qua non for survivors of child sexual abuse, Allies in Healing is required reading for partners and loved ones of survivors and victims.
Written in straightforward question and answer format by one of the authors of the best-selling Courage To Heal, Allies in Healing covers topics ranging from dealing with emotions (your own included) to confronting the perpetrator to sexuality.
Allies In Healing also includes the personal stories of a few partners of survivors. Written frankly, the book admits that not all relationships with survivors are destined for success, but also speaks of the incredible benefits of such a relationship.
For anyone who is a loved one or partner of a survivor should turn to this book first- it is the companion to Courage To Heal and will provide many answers to some of the most pressing questions.
15 of 15 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
If you find yourself in the position of being the partner/close friend of a survivor you are placed in a dilemma - who do you speak to? Where do I find information on the subject? There very little support out there for the partner. This book is therefore the partner's bible - it deals with many of the questions that you will be asking yourself - some of which are deeply painful. If you need reassurance/guidance then pick-up a copy of this book and you will gain a deep insight into the subject - this book would also be an excellent reference for councilors. I simply cant recommend this book highly enough.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
Not 100% helpful but some lightbulbs were helped into the on position.
A very good book.
But not the answer I was totally looking for.
I can't mark it down for this though as there is very little proper information out there for... Read more
But not the answer I was totally looking for.
I can't mark it down for this though as there is very little proper information out there for... Read more
Published 21 months ago by Why God Why.
Good, but no substitute for the counselling you probably need...
There are very very few books around specifically aimed at those supporting survivors through their recovery, which is a tremendous shame as those of us in that position also... Read more
Published on 30 Jan 2010 by Meg Hunt
A real life-saver
This book has been a real life-saver to me as the partner of a sexual abuse survivor. It's full of practical advice and written in a question-and-answer format, making it easy... Read more
Published on 3 Nov 2005 by MB
A real life-saver
This book has been a real life-saver to me as the partner of a sexual abuse survivor. It's full of practical advice and written in a question-and-answer format, making it easy... Read more
Published on 3 Nov 2005 by MB
Encouraging
Carol Gibbs, a survivor,
This book is extrememly encouraging and insightful. It is a must read by both the abused and non abused in our world
This book is extrememly encouraging and insightful. It is a must read by both the abused and non abused in our world
Also recommended: Nightmares... Read more
Published on 28 July 2004
Must read!
The book is divided in two parts: partner's questions and partner's stories. Both are written in a shockingly realistic down to earth style. Read more
Published on 22 April 2001
Not always light at the end of the tunnel!
This book provides help for partners of survivors, but from personal experience there is not always light at the end of the tunnel. Read more
Published on 5 Mar 2001
written by a person with no credentials in psychotherapy
The books by this author have destroyed my family through false accusations. I believe that one day this will be known as the dark ages as far as memory goes. Read more
Published on 10 Oct 1999
Tough questions, honest answers.
As others have observed, there are precious few resources for partners of incest survivors. This book helped me see that I was not alone, and that what I was feeling is... Read more
Published on 19 July 1999
An eye opener, both for me and partner.
A very useful book, but it also emphasizes/idealizes the fact that these are one sided relationships, and that you are involved with a person who has an enormous difficulty... Read more
Published on 29 Jun 1999
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