Act on Life Not on Anger: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Guide to Problem Anger [Paperback]

This will be perhaps my hardest review to write but I consider it one of the most important because I believe that there are many people out there like myself who are dealing with some severe anger issues and want help but have only been met with either judgement, prejudice or the prospect of years of therapy with no clear ending.

I want to give a little background about myself. I came from an abusive home. My mother was physically, verbally and emotionally abusive. Her anger was destructive in every way possible my father, myself and my siblings bore the brunt of it. My father dealt with it by taking in the anger and I saw it break him down. I was 19 when my parents finally began divorce proceedings. I essentially lived my whole childhood having the 2 most powerful role models not give me any healthy strategies for how to deal with anger.

So I did my best on my own to try and create what I thought were productive ways of handling it. I went for long walk or runs, I vented to my friends, I wrote for hours, I'd ignore it thinking it would just pass, when it would get really bad I'd punch a wall sometimes throw things. I knew I never wanted to hit another human being the way my mom did so I essentially beat myself up. All these actions hurt me emotionally or physically but I figured I was use to it so I could handle it.

Deep down I was scared that I would be doomed to repeat either the cycle of my mother or father by being either someone who would bear the brunt of someone's abuse or be an abuser myself. I swore off having children for a long time not because I didn't want them because I believed I didn't deserve them. I was also convinced that at some point my husband wouldn't be able to take my fits of rage and move onto someone he deserved better. After one particularly bad argument where I had cut up both my hands and arms from smashing them through glass - I knew that I couldn't keep doing this to myself or him any longer.

This book has changed my life.

The first thing this book teaches you is that there is no such thing as controlling anger - anger (more specifically the emotions that cause anger) is a natural part of life and trying to "control" it is destructive and pointless. You need to be taught ways to manage it instead. It also debunks a lot of anger myths. For example: most of us are taught that venting anger is healthy and normal when in fact it isn't. The strategies we've been given by others to manage anger actually feeds it and lets it grow.

The chapters have several concrete exercises that force you to really look at how you deal with anger and what it has cost you in your life. The authors themselves don't accuse or judge you but have a kind compassionate tone that makes you feel comfortable opening up. I believe that many of us who are angry have been really hurt before and are use to hearing the condescension of others which prevents us from moving forward. It makes us draw tighter into our anger because anger protects us from getting hurt. Reading this will make you want to drop your defenses.

It also has a lot of specific breathing techniques and mental imagery to help you deal with anger at its onset so it doesn't overwhelm you. Like many I thought that stuff was just mumbo jumbo but I swear that it works.

This is how my life is different:

I went and contacted family members who I've had grudges with for several years because of the issues stemming from my mother. I am working at building a new relationship with them.

My husband and I have had disagreements since my reading of the book but I actually seemed to be more rational one. I didn't yell, insult or resort to any destructive behavior even when it was a highly emotionally charged subject.

I actually helped resolve a grudge that had been going on in my husband's family for a long time that brought us all closer. Prior to reading this book I refused to even be involved with them at all.

My mother contacted me and I told her that I forgave her .. make no mistake that doesn't mean I have a relationship with her or condone what she did. It means I no longer hold onto my anger with her anymore so I can move on with my life.

The best part is this book promises to make these types of changes in your about 8 weeks not the years that therapy often takes (and at what cost!). I am a better, happier more empowered person because I read this book and devoted myself to making a change.

This highly readable book is so much more than simply a resource for transforming the reader's relationship with problem anger. It contains a wealth of insight into what life is like for the vast majority of human beings, whose daily struggle with painful thoughts and feelings obscures the truth about their deepest sense of self. The good news is that people's most fundamental sense of self can eventually become successfully untangled from burdensome thoughts and feelings, to make possible a meaningful life enriched by the pursuit of freely-chosen values. With clear, accessible prose, engaging illustrations and carefully explained practical exercises, this work is infused with the dynamism and excitement of specialists who are aware of the potential for their truly original approach to transform the quality of the reader's life, whether in the realm of personal psychological experience, relationships with others, or meaningful actions. Through the experiential development of `willingness', `cognitive defusion', the identification of values, and the development of self- and other-directed forgiveness and compassion, the reader is led to the discovery of a new and invulnerable source of identity that can act with unfettered freedom and restore to the suffering individual a fundamental sense of dignity and power. I am convinced that the development of emotional intelligence should have an equal place in the school curriculum with the development of academic intelligence, and an accessible book on anger of this kind has the potential to really challenge and transform the thinking of the (many) adolescents who (understandably) spend a lot of time struggling with angry feelings and ceding to the impulse to act on them, sometimes with devastating consequences. There is a wealth of wisdom and potential to improve human experience in this book.

Yes! I am really glad this book came out. As a clinician, I have been hoping for a good "self-help" book for my clients dealing with dysfunctional aggression and anger problems. The area of anger is so under-represented in applied psychology, and I am glad to see these authors offering a digestible self-help approach using contemporary and effective psychotherapy principles.

It's a good read. I recommend it for people dealing with anger issues in their life, and also for counselors.