Product Description
NOW ALSO AVAILABLE - The Alien's Guide to Planet Earth BOOK-2
The on-going story of a humble alien tourist travelling the planet meeting all sorts of interesting innovative women.... particularly those wild Aussie ones!
Bakir Breezlebob was one of the first generation Mammarians to migrate to earth but he had to adopt a human form to fit it with earth society. Which was why he chose a very common earth name of course. His natural shape was that of a large round purple tube. He arrived as a tourist 2000 years ago but due to a union dispute between spacecraft pilots and management he got temporarily stranded. The dispute is not yet resolved. He has been married 78 times and claims he has women nearly figured out. This book starts by explaining how he adjusted to Earth conditions then goes on to describe a number of his marriages and world travels in a highly humorous manner.
BUYER COMMENTS;
....... "Possibly the best comedy material I have ever read. This author is unique!"
....... "This book is comedy fantasy at its best. One of the most entertaining reads I've had in years! But don't read it unless you have a sense of humour!"
....... "There were a few one-liners in this that made me laugh so hard it hurt. This is not for the "science-minded" or staid or serious person. It is pure fun. More, Mr. Coyle! More"!
....... "Much funnier than The 3rd Rock from the Sun TV series."
EXTRACTS -
...........He became fascinated with earth infants and took great delight in watching them develop. Of course Mammarian infants were not born, hatched, cloned or issued as punishment by the enemy as some earthlings were. They evolved naturally from the basic purple state which is as pure as you can get and the envy of all other galactic races. This small group of unfortunate earthlings were at a serious disadvantage in life and usually ended up employed as 1-star reviewers for various e-book companies. Which will explain a lot to authors who are reading this...........
............Later on he met a group of missionaries who had travelled as far as New Zealand but they were somewhat disillusioned as half of their team had been eaten by the locals. Bakir quite wisely decided to leave his visit there for a couple of hundred years until the locals had had a good feed................
....It took Bakir a long while to figure it out. This knife and fork business was strange. On his home planet of Mammary the purple tubes merely stuck one end of the tube in the food and sucked furiously. Of course you had to remember which end of the tube was for sucking because the other end was for blowing. Most adult tubes got this right but of course the youngsters got tangled at times and produced disgusting results.......
........Earth society had successfully developed crime to a very high level and Bakir felt they should be awarded an intergalactic certificate in appreciation of their endeavours. I mean where else could you go to get successfully robbed, mugged and sexually assaulted...... all in one night?...........
........Bakir suddenly decided to go on vacation to Earth, which was about as far away from problems as anyone could get. In fact it was so far away that the space crew had to pack 5 years supply of cut lunches in the freezer. It was a long trip even at 10,000 times the speed of light. And it was dead boring with all those planets flashing past like fence posts on a fast horse. Fortunately the Mammarians had a neat board game which turned out to be a super evolved type of chess and each game lasted over 6 months. They used small furry critters as chessmen and this worked well until one of the critters would let out a rebel yell and rush off to the bathroom. The onboard food didn't always agree with them........
AUTHOR'S COMMENT - This book was inspired by the "3RD Rock from the Sun" TV series.
The on-going story of a humble alien tourist travelling the planet meeting all sorts of interesting innovative women.... particularly those wild Aussie ones!
Bakir Breezlebob was one of the first generation Mammarians to migrate to earth but he had to adopt a human form to fit it with earth society. Which was why he chose a very common earth name of course. His natural shape was that of a large round purple tube. He arrived as a tourist 2000 years ago but due to a union dispute between spacecraft pilots and management he got temporarily stranded. The dispute is not yet resolved. He has been married 78 times and claims he has women nearly figured out. This book starts by explaining how he adjusted to Earth conditions then goes on to describe a number of his marriages and world travels in a highly humorous manner.
BUYER COMMENTS;
....... "Possibly the best comedy material I have ever read. This author is unique!"
....... "This book is comedy fantasy at its best. One of the most entertaining reads I've had in years! But don't read it unless you have a sense of humour!"
....... "There were a few one-liners in this that made me laugh so hard it hurt. This is not for the "science-minded" or staid or serious person. It is pure fun. More, Mr. Coyle! More"!
....... "Much funnier than The 3rd Rock from the Sun TV series."
EXTRACTS -
...........He became fascinated with earth infants and took great delight in watching them develop. Of course Mammarian infants were not born, hatched, cloned or issued as punishment by the enemy as some earthlings were. They evolved naturally from the basic purple state which is as pure as you can get and the envy of all other galactic races. This small group of unfortunate earthlings were at a serious disadvantage in life and usually ended up employed as 1-star reviewers for various e-book companies. Which will explain a lot to authors who are reading this...........
............Later on he met a group of missionaries who had travelled as far as New Zealand but they were somewhat disillusioned as half of their team had been eaten by the locals. Bakir quite wisely decided to leave his visit there for a couple of hundred years until the locals had had a good feed................
....It took Bakir a long while to figure it out. This knife and fork business was strange. On his home planet of Mammary the purple tubes merely stuck one end of the tube in the food and sucked furiously. Of course you had to remember which end of the tube was for sucking because the other end was for blowing. Most adult tubes got this right but of course the youngsters got tangled at times and produced disgusting results.......
........Earth society had successfully developed crime to a very high level and Bakir felt they should be awarded an intergalactic certificate in appreciation of their endeavours. I mean where else could you go to get successfully robbed, mugged and sexually assaulted...... all in one night?...........
........Bakir suddenly decided to go on vacation to Earth, which was about as far away from problems as anyone could get. In fact it was so far away that the space crew had to pack 5 years supply of cut lunches in the freezer. It was a long trip even at 10,000 times the speed of light. And it was dead boring with all those planets flashing past like fence posts on a fast horse. Fortunately the Mammarians had a neat board game which turned out to be a super evolved type of chess and each game lasted over 6 months. They used small furry critters as chessmen and this worked well until one of the critters would let out a rebel yell and rush off to the bathroom. The onboard food didn't always agree with them........
AUTHOR'S COMMENT - This book was inspired by the "3RD Rock from the Sun" TV series.
