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1001 RPG Quotes

1001 RPG Quotes [Kindle Edition]

David Dostaler , Laura Dostaler

Kindle Price: £3.21 includes VAT* & free wireless delivery via Amazon Whispernet
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Product Description

Product Description

1001 RPG Quotes is a collection of humorous anecdotes about the tabletop roleplaying game industry and the foibles of gamers in general. I've included a sample of the quotes below to give you an idea of what this book is all about.

Now for the critical, in-depth, never-seen-before information: I kind of ran out of ideas on the first day when I hit 700 quotes so I recruited the aid of my fellow gamers for additional material. You'll be able to see their names in aknowledgements. However, I put in their quotes 'word for word' so I'd like to kindly hand over the blame for any quotes that arent' funny or don't make any sense, to them. Mwa ha ha.

Because not all of the quotes may be up to my own, personal, high standards of quality I've included a dozen or so bonus quotes for your perusal. I hope this makes up for the 100 or so quotes written by others. And hey, the other guy's quotes aren't all bad either. A female gamer I know put in a real doozy.

Here are a couple sample quotes for your perusal:

10. Rewriting your character sheet is illegal, but messing around with the universe is all in a day’s work for the GM.
11. The only time you can have too many dice is when you’re suffocating under a landslide of them in a polyhedral dice factory.
12. Rail-roading starts with the words, “I’ve thought up an adventure,” and ends with, “See you guys next week”.
13. Beware of anything with more than 1,035 hp that can breathe fire.
24. Never, ever, ever, ever go in front of the party.
25. Never bring up the rear either.
34. There is actually no limit to how much loot you can carry or how much stuff you can pack away in 6 seconds.
36. Never, ever, ever go to sleep.
44. It is reasonable to assume your character is always carrying stakes, holy water, silver bullets, and the keys to a 97’ Rolls Royce
49. The GM is trying to kill you.
59. Your character can never run out of food, water, or torches. You’ve actually got much more of each than is written on your character sheet.
62. The laws of the land do not apply to your character, he is ‘special’.
63. It can be safely assumed your character is always wearing armor with his sword in hand, even when asleep or in the shower.
65. Your character automatically knows everything you don’t. This includes advanced combat tactics, the names of everyone in the kingdom, and the secret weaknesses of all monsters.
66. Your character also automatically knows everything you do. This includes how to make gunpowder, what Joe said on the other side of the world, and the map of the dungeon you just spotted.
67. The placement of all miniatures is arbitrary. You are perfectly within your rights to shuffle yours around a bit.
134. The number of spells you can cast per day is equal to the time it takes your GM to become suspicious.
277. Never buy your GM zombie apocalypse movies. He’s much better off with Wheel of Fortune.
285. Cannibals don’t actually want to eat your character. They just want to string you up over a fire and watch you escape with their loot.
360. Flasks of oil blow up like dynamite sticks.
510. All underwater caves contain air.
539. If you make a Halfling swallow a marble, throw the Halfling in a bag of holding, throw the bag of holding into a portable hole, and then toss in a fireball; what happens to the marble?
600. Do you ever wonder how many wands you could loot from Hogwarts?
626. Sprinkling holy water on yourself will allow you to temporarily swim through lava.
722. Make friends with all monsters that you can, especially telepathic, invisible, flying, invincible bat demons. (I didn't write this! It was Her, She did it!)
802. 15mm figurines of skeletons make good anniversary gifts. (Me again.)
903. There is no limit to how many times a peasant can shape change into different forms in the same round.

Thanks for reading. Force me to follow you on Twitter, and keep an eye out for the print edition of Challenger due out this April.

--David L. Dostaler
Author, Challenger RPG

Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 153 KB
  • Print Length: 65 pages
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Publisher: Superior Games Books (4 April 2012)
  • Sold by: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Language: English
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #773,966 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on (beta) 5.0 out of 5 stars  2 reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Great, If you share his sense of humor 17 Aug 2013
By Karen - Published on
Format:Kindle Edition
Ah, yet another Dostaler work. It forces me wo ponder his saniy while writing this... Though, I strongly reccomend reading this, you might learn valuable life secrets
5.0 out of 5 stars Even in D and D... 15 May 2012
By Amazon Customer - Published on
Format:Kindle Edition
I told some of these to my friend and now she uses them when she plays Dugons and Dragons with her dad and his friends.
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